16 year old son and contraception

[LoveBeingAMum555]

My son is 16, been with his girlfriend since the start of the year. A while ago I said something to him about sex and contraception and he told me (utterly horrified) that the relationship hadn't got to that stage and if it did he would make sure it was sorted. I bought a big box of condoms and left them in the bathroom cabinet where they have stayed untouched.

Yesterday I was tidying his bedroom and found condom wrappers which was no great surprise. I worry about them using condoms alone though because they might not be easily available and can be unreliable. They obviously don't want to use the ones I bought because I will know what's going on!

Mentioned this to a friend yesterday and she said to leave them to it, teenagers nowadays are far too savvy to have unprotected sex.

Do I try and have another chat with him? Do I just trust that the girlfriend has probably spoken to her Mum or gone to the doctors herself to get other contraception in place? And at the end of the day as my friend says am I really over thinking all of this?

Your friend sounds naive.

You should have another convo with him (is his father still with you? It might be better from him? Less embarrassing depending on how well they talk?) Hopefully some other posters will have some good advice on how to have the conversation.

But seriously, don't listen to your friend.

I don't think you're overthinking this. You're his mum after all! I also don't think you can assume the girl is using another form of contraception as well, but condoms are reliable if used correctly - I've been using them for well over 20 years and never had an unwanted pregnancy (and I have three DC so no fertility issues).

It sounds like you have a good relationship with your son, so I would have another quick chat with him - not mentioning you have found the wrappers, just talking hypothetically.

The good thing about a condom is that it's obvious when one splits, so you can go and get the MAP.

Well done your son for sorting out condom use.

On reliability, I remember reading in a study that condom reliability varies dramatically by user - for effective users it is high. For some couples it's around 60%.

I would have a discussion with him and see if he volunteers that she is on the pill as well then if not you can have a discussion about the options.

I think I'd have put them in his room instead as in the bathroom cabinet it obvious if he takes them. In his room it's not.

My DC are now adults so I can speak from experience. I'd definitely have a chat and I wouldn't care if it was a bit awkward. I told all
My DC both the boys and both the girls that I'd strongly advice them to use two forms of contraception. It's not worth the risk of only using one. I also spelt it out to my boys that you can not rely on girls to take responsibility for contraception and that if their partner got pregnant then they would have no say whether the girlfriend kept any resulting child or not.

I think contraception is FAR more of an issue for young men than for young women as boys don't have any say if there is an accidental pregnancy.
The numerous threads I've read on MN where young women are encouraged to keep their babies when they have accidentally got pregnant demonstrates that it's not an unfound worry.

My DC were all sensible teens and I'm sure they would have been sensible about contraception but I just wanted to be sure I'd done my upmost to help them protect themselves from accidents.

Thanks all, I did think about moving the box of condoms into his bedroom drawer, at least then I know there is no problem about them not having easy access to them, and actually it may do no harm if he knows that I am aware that they are going to be used. And yes I do need to talk to him about it don't I, just need to pick my moment. Think it will be less awkward coming from me than his Dad actually but I will talk to DH and suggest that if the opportunity comes up he should say something too.