Want to boot 21yo son out of the house

[Nomad2009]

My 21yr old son is back home from uni, and had fallen back into bad old habits of leaving a mess in the kitchen and not helping with housekeeping. I am a single parent, work full time and long hours, there is also his 15yo brother in the house. I have also found out recently I have diabetes which explains my tiredness in the evenings and I am taking medication.
At Easter we had massive row about after I came back from a week's holiday to find the place filthy. I warned him and said he had understood.
Now we are back to square one. If I ask him to do stuff he finds excuses, such as lack of time due to him working (not full time) and then gets rude and abusive. I haven't asked him to pay me any money towards food etc and lent him money for the rent of his uni accommodation next term and said I will help him buy a car.
I know it's only for a few weeks until end of August but I am tired myself, don't get home until 7 or 8pm every day and it pisses me off that he doesn't think he has duty to help to run the house. He's an adult and I expect him to behave as such.
I am being unreasonable to give him a final warning that if he doesn't get his act together he should go back to his uni town where he already has a room in a shared house (for which I gave him the money for the first month's rent), he would obviously lose his job here and be away from his mates. I am getting so fed up with this behaviour and bad attitude, and I feel I need to put my foot down and be selfish

I think you'd be well within your rights to tell him to shape up or ship out.

Tell him that because he's making the house a pigsty, you will have to spend his car loan on a cleaner. Then do it (even if it's just for an initial deep clean.) It's his choice then.

When you say mess is it washing up etc , because if thats the case , for the sake of peace and harmony, I'd just buy a job lot of plastic cutlery and plates from the pound shop and tell him if he's not going to wash up he's to use that so he can just bin it afterwards . Also , tell him the help towards the car is dependent on him helping more at home and stick to it .

He is an full grown adult your right enough to kick him into shape or kick him out! If he doesn't learn to show respect and be courteous in his own home then how must he act when he is at others houses? I know my mum had us 4 kids kicked into shape by the age of 16 or we would have been shown the door.

Give him an ultimatum, this is not a hotel it is your home. If he wants to treat it like a hotel he needs to be paying his own way like the adult that he is!

If you truly believe he's capable of change I would demand a 2 hour clear up from him and his brother as a gesture of goodwill. Leave them to it.
Then when the house is back to an acceptable level of tidiness I would take photos, stick them on the fridge and say "I will do my part and will expect you to do yours to find the house in this state when I come home.".
Then draw up a list of weekly chores and allocate them equally. 21 and 15yos in the house all day should be strong and able to do as much as an ill, working woman.

The bad attitude and excuses are unacceptable and would make me want to kick him out pronto. But presumably there's a back story.
to you in the meantime (sorry no if you have diabetes!).

Thanks all for the feedback...

ImperialBlether .. that's an interesting idea. I had thought of suggesting to him that I would get a cleaner to do his share of the work and he would pay for it but getting money out of it would be hard.

Floraldnomad, it's not just the washing up, it's general mess and lack of help with keeping the house in a decent state.

Sgtmajormummy ... as a family we have been through some difficult times which have had an impact on him and I didn't realize how much at the time. So I don't want to cut him off but it is definitely time that he shapes up

I will try and have a calm conversation this evening, wish me luck

Probably quite a few at uni hate him for being such a skank.

Last warning - clear up now and keep it that way or no car and he leaves. And stick to it.

Yep

It's shape up or ship out time

He has 24 hours to prove he means it and you will review it on a 24 hour basis so it doesn't slide again

He is on holidays and should be doing his own share and helping you out a bit too

He has somewhere else to go. So let him go live in his own mess if he can't abide by yoir house rules

My continued financial support for non essentials would be conditional on his willingness to do his bit too

What AnyFucker said
He is taking the piss. Massively!

It's the word "selfish" that jumped out at me! How is it selfish to expect your son to show respect for you and the place he is living? He's 21 not 12. Don't give him anything unless he takes some responsibility. I'd make him sit down with me and write out an agreement of what it us reasonable to expect him to do. And yes, use money earmarked for him to get a cleaner or whatever you need if he doesn't stick to the plan. You would be acting as a responsible caring parent by doing so as he nweds to learn about some of the realities in life!