Authorities..the law ..DD..school refusing..can't take much more!! Help

[onanotherday]

DD just turned 14 and has been a school refuser for last year ...been to GP and ok physically. Issues around MH...finally started CAMHS.after a very long wait. I'm a single mum with 16 DS as well. So am trying everything CAHMS and School are asking..but with varied success. Money is beyond tight and I need to work. I can't juggle more time off to take her in half days and I've been warned by EWO that I could be fined ie worse...my own MH is suffering too. Just acnt see what else to do..we don't have any other RL support and live rurally. Exh..is rarely involved so it's me or nothing....just don't know what else to do. Any bright ideas?

what does your DD think you should do? Involve her in this conversation. Explain what the impact is of her not going to school - how you could go to prison, would lose your house if you didn't work etc. Are there any other schools nearby that you could move her to, to give her a fresh start? Would she be up for that?

Thanks you reply cryingshame..yes had her in the room when EWO went through the process so is aware of implications! Her response is that she is 'trying'..she has gone from total refusal to 2-3 half days a week. But this needs stepping up and she isn't! I've talked til l'm blue the face. Nothing😕 Only school locally ...I have a 20 mile commute so logistically impossible to do anything else. Sorry don't mean to sound negative.

It's okay the school threatening you with fines and things but what exactly are they doing? Your daughter has mental health illness and is under camhs as a result...she's ill, not naughty so the schools focus should be on what accommodations they can give to make schooling accessible to your ill daughter. I'm sure threatening her mother with the law in front of her did wonders for her mental health.

Are they sending work home for her to do during the days she is off. Could they assign her a home tutor. She's already already managing part time have they told her how proud they are for her for doing that? If she is struggling to access school are they applying for an ehcp? Have you got a sendiass team in your area who could help advocate with the school for you (and ensure they are legally meeting your daughters additional needs).

Yes school trying to accommodate..but won't give her a tutor of she is home with another adult present. not sure what ehcp is? it was thought if work can home it would make her less motivated to go in!! although we have been doing bitesize...and encouraging her to read more. The irony is I'm a teacher..but as her mum she certainly won't take help from me!! Not sure what a sendiass team is?

oh....not sure about ehcp...had to look that up! I'm an IEP and identified at school..but other than acknowledging issues and a brief meeting with Ed Psych...nothing else has happend. It just seems to me to get her there...believe me I've run the gamait of softly softly to fill out war...nothing works!

My daughter school refuses, she's only 9 and it's not everyday at the moment but not once has her school tried to penalise me for it, reading your post made me so angry on your behalf. Is school the issue (i.e. Bullying etc) or is there other factors too? Has your daughter been diagnosed with anything specific from camhs?

It is the schools duty to provide an education when a child is too ill to attend school for a prolonged period of time.
I would argue that mh illness including anxiety and school refusal class as illness/disability and as such are covered under the schools send requirements. The senco should be involved and they should be providing an education at home if she is unable to access it there. Camhs should be helping you liaise with the school and pushing the school to get assessments in place if they are needed for an ehcp.
From the government website:
www.gov.uk/illness-child-education

This is from cab too:
www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/education/school-education/access-to-education/

Young minds have a parents helpline that may be able to advise:
youngminds.org.uk/what-we-do/

I'd even give ipsea a try too:
www.ipsea.org.uk/

This is Scottish but it's very similar to what I and other parents have been told here in Yorkshire:
enquire.org.uk/20100622/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/when-a-child-cant-go-to-school.pdf

You should be able to find school policies online, might even be worth you giving your local council a ring and asking their advice too ours are quite helpful in telling us what school should be doing. I would be batting it back to both school and camhs though and asking them what their next steps are for helping your daughter with her mental health issues.

Can you get a sick note or well note as they are all now. So Dr can write on it she's to ill and or max she can attend is 2/3 part time days. The school should then at least be able to stick that in the system and sto triggering unauthorised absences. I

Can she tell you what it is she wants?

Thank you so much...will follow that all up. Yes she has been diagnosed as suffering anxiety. But also sleep now out of whack so awake all night and exhusted and can't wake in the morning...so is on afternoons only..but wanting her in full days by end of term. Doing a sleep program where she has to stay up til 2am and get up at 7am....very difficult when I'm having to be at work for 8 am..so can't inforce easily...

Stay up till 2am as part of a sleep programme? That can't be right surely

Onanotherday this could have been written about my DS.
We had this on and off for two years. Changed schools several times but never got him settled. I changed jobs a few times to try and be there to get him into school but nothing worked.
They eventually took me to court after months of threatening it.
I was fined a weeks wage (they base it on income). Didn't get a telling off or a plan to get him into school.
He's left now but I worried myself silly for two years for the sake of a weeks wage

Just curious if your DD is 14 does she stay home on her own when she is not at school ?

What does she do when she is at home on her own ?
Can you disable the wi fi ?

A difficult situation, especially because you need to work

I know someone in a similar situation

My concerns are for the future, what happens when she is old enough to be working will she be unwell, so unable to work ?

I'm confused b/c OP said no tutor b/c there is an adult at home (who is adult if OP is single mum away working).

sorry no adult at home as im working

..and spends day asleep as not sleeping at night.

I've taken router to work just incase!

We have had similar for the past 18 months and eventually had LEA funded tutoring. There needs to be another adult present so we had it in the local libraries, would that be an option? There's a good FB group for parents in this position, if you're not already a member PM me for details if you'd like to join.