Activities with teenager

[chaplin1409]

Hi
I feel I am losing touch with my children. When they were younger we always did things together but now they are getting older I feel I am losing touch with them ans have no idea what to do with them. Have you got any ideas of ways I can re connect with them. They do lots of activities as they are in the Army cadets.

What about something like Go Ape ?

It does get difficult as they get older and you find spend less and less time with them as they want to be with their friends over you! Mine are 18 and 16 now so I've kind of got used to this, but sometimes I do still find myself like thinking about how it used to be (normally with rose tinted glasses on!)

I try and make the most of doing every day stuff with them. DS2 plays football so I make sure I always take him, the car journeys give is lots of time to chat. DS1 is normally up to coming for a dog walk with me or I take him out for a driving lesson.

Days out are harder, so I normally save my money for one big day out, like going to London for example, whereas when they were younger we'd spread the money over having more days out.

Other than that. I'd suggest getting a dog. It's essential when you have teens so you've got someone to talk to!

Dog definitely helps to unite the family - everyone adores him. Also eating together, it's something we've always done, we reconnect everyday over dinner, no phone, tv or music just chatting!

Eating together, weekly film night. Also, pick some tv series (the new bake off, BGT etc) that you all watch together. Do some volunteering together?

My oldest DD doesn't do a lot with us anymore, but she is 18 and is usually busy working or studying. In half term she came roller skating with us and she loved that, similarly ice skating. 16 year old is still up for days out to country parks etc and shopping of course!

I think they appreciate one to one time as much now too, so just popping out for a coffee and a chat with one always feels like a bonding thing.

I always enjoyed 1:1 time with my parents, even if it was just in the car on the way to visit my grandma or to go shopping.

A great activity for teens is an escape room, although I can see scope for it to go horribly wrong if they're stroppy and hormonal! Go Ape is a fab suggestion too. Spa day if you have a DD?

I definitely agree on the dog thing - my teens will happily come out and walk the dog with me, or chat while cuddling the dog on the sofa.

But if they are in the army cadets and already doing lots of activities out of the house, you might want to find something you can do together as down-time at home.

DS is now 18 and off at uni, but in his mid-teens we would pick a TV series/DVD box set to watch together one or two evenings a week (e.g. Scandinavian crime), when younger DD was already in bed.

DD is now 14 and heavily into makeup. I don't normally wear makeup, but she likes doing 'make-overs' on me, which is a good way to spend time and chat. We have also taken up tennis and going to the gym sometimes together.

Do yours have any interest in board games? They will join us for scrabble occasionally, and both teens really enjoy some of the longer, more complicated board games they play with their cousins and uncle.

Mine love GoApe. Unfortunately I'm a complete non starter about heights but Dh does it with them and I'm below taking photos.

I know. I miss days out too but my 17 and 14 year olds don't want to do 'fun quizzes' at NT properties any more!

But we eat together, have had a couple of city breaks and I have rebonded with DS on uni applications and open days. It's nice talking together as adults now.

Thank you for all your ideas

I'm finding this phase of parenting really sad - I used to pile my three into the car and we travelled all over for days out when they were younger. It's a really hard phase because I love being with them and it's really hard to adjust to them all going there separate ways.

I agree that Go Ape would be brilliant. If they like activities you could go kayaking, wild swimming, climb a mountain together or go on a long hilly cycle ride.

Do they like music? I go to loads of gigs with teen DC that they are still too young to go to unaccompanied. Even the bands I can't stand on CD can be really brilliant live and DC are so grateful for me taking them, then chat about the music with me. It's a real connection.

We also climb mountains, cycle and swim together, go on hikes, to galleries and theatre shows. I'm lucky that DC genuinely like theatre and art, if it's something that appeals to them, so we can do that together.

Another thing worth doing is insisting on teaching them useful life skills. They need to know how to cook three or four dishes, iron a shirt, sort and dry a laundry load, make beds etc. Doing stuff like this with them can end up being more fun than it sounds.

Mine are 20 and 18 so I know how you feel. They go from demanding days out and entertainment to having plans that don't include you in the blink of an eye.

For the past few summers we've had an annual day trip with another family. Last year we hired tandems for a cycle run. This year we went to a Hydro where we climbed a little hill, played crazy golf, then the teens played badminton while the oldies wandered round the garden and had a leisurely coffee. It was really nice. Is there anything similar near you?

Is a day trip to the coast possible? Occasionally I will take them and a friend each off in the car to a beach and that seems to have worked out too.