How much input do you have before school with teenage DS?

[newsparklylife]

DS is 13 (14 in October) school mornings are a nightmare, I struggle to get him up and I literally have to baby him every step of the way to get him out the door.

Is this the norm in this age group?

No that's not normal I'm afraid, my DS turned 13 in May and has been getting himself up, washed and dressed for at least four years- setting his own alarm etc.
I only pander to him by making his breakfast before he leaves (on own to catch school bus) by making breakfast for him but obviously he is more than capable of this too

Not two breakfasts... didn't read before posting

I think they're all different.
But you could try going cold turkey and let ds do it (or not) for himself and suffer the consequences.

Our DC13 gets themselves up and out by 7 every morning. But we have to be massively strict about bedtime (lights off 8.30-9) in order for it to work, as this DC has always needed quite a lot of sleep. No mobile phones in bedroom, insist on everything being ready the night before etc. We have also had to let them fail if they forget things or miss the train.

So I suppose we micromanage too, just the night before instead of the morning.

My DS is a night mare too; he won't get up till the last possible moment. And gets very angry when I try to encourage him to give himself more time. My DD is completely different, she is very methodical. They are all different. Just like us I suppose.

My ten year old is quite self sufficient in a morning, the odd reminder but mostly sorts herself out and is ready on time.
I'd have some early morning thing you are going out too every day for a week. Let him know he will have to pull his finger out. Then go out, even if it's just for a walk. He will be late a couple of times then realise it's easier to just get in with it!

My nearly 15 DS has to be "encouraged" at every stage of getting ready.
He hates school and it's a fight every single day. Mondays are the worst.
I swear that once he leaves school I won't need my blood pressure medication any more.

We wake them (by saying:"it is 7 o clock"), after that it is up to them (DSs are 12-and 14).

Ds1 has missed the bus once, in 2-years, so there is no need to boss him more than that.

I hate shouty mornings, DH was in the habit if shouting instructions to jolly them along, but he has realised it is not necessary.

What would happen if you stopped? Try it.

I think it really varies by child.

I remember growing up I would get myself up for school, DB1 would be woken up but then get on with it and DB2 has only just stopped needing to be babied at 21! My parents will be the first to admit they did too much for DB2, he was perfectly capable but why do things when someone is going to wait on you hand and foot.

If I stopped, he wouldn't go to school.

I wake one of mine (the other is an early riser), make them both a coffee as I'm doing my breakfast and leave them to it. They're pretty organised and I can see from their reports that they always get to school on time.

Ds is 13 and 2months. We also have asd and adhd to add to the fun.

7am I wake him.
7.10 I wake him again
7.20 the duvet goes. Told to get his bum moving.
7.40 he wombles downstairs. After a couple of reminders he'll take his meds (laid out with a drink because I need to make sure he takes them, he isn't bothered but his teachers will curse me if he goes to school unmedicated )
7.50 he'll start putting his shoes on to leave the house for the 7.56 bus.
8am I sit with a quick cuppa before walking the dds (one of whom has been up since 6.45 and is all ready to go) to their school

Dp gets very frustrated by it all!

I had a chat with mine around the time they started secondary school discussing what time they needed to leave the house and working backwards as to when they would need to do what and a bit of time for the unexpected.

We agreed that if they couldn't get up and sorted for that time we would have to keep moving their bed time earlier and earlier until they could manage although we never had to actually do that.

Ds has just turned 14. For the last year or so he's usually up before me, gets his own breakfast. Has a shower whilst I'm making my coffee and then gets himself ready. Unless something needs needs signing or similar my only input is to say goodbye at the door.

Oh, and I forgot to mention, certainly in the winter months mine find getting up much easier with a sunrise alarm clock. It makes less difference this time of year though.

He's in bed on a school night at 11pm latest and takes himself earlier if he's tired.

DS is 13 - I make sure he's awake just before 7am as I leave for work and make him a cup of tea which is left in the kitchen.
That's it.
He gets up, drinks his tea, makes himself some toast, then showers, sorts his stuff and leaves the house about 8.20 - usually calls me as he's leaving to check what the plans are for later in the day!

i turn the shower on for him at 740 and wake him up
the noise of the shower pump and one more shout from me and he's up
he then sorts himself out and leaves and I say good bye..it's not a time for great conversations

If you stopped he would not go to school

How would that pan out, realistically? So you leave for work and he would just stay in bed all day/on x box? What would happen then?(just wondering)

DS1-has had detention for being late, and he did not like that.

Really worth trying to get him to face school consequences

Saying that, if he skives off school would the one facing consequences from the school be him or you?

Can you ban wifi/phone if he does not get his act together? Pocket money?

I really could not handle mornings like that!

Aargh

DS(15) is not out of his room yet! The bus goes in 2 minutes. This is normal, he misses it about once a week. He also had his girlfriend (16) over who 'needed' to stay. Yes, we said, if he bunked down in (unfinished: not guest ready) spare room. Needless to say, the spare room appears untouched and GF is still here awaiting her mum to collect her (doesn't seem to do public transport). He swears blind that he was in the spare all night, just the last few minutes in his room. Oh good grief it's going to be a long summer!

That's annoying ....
I would set a timetable for the mornings and stick to it... if he is late and gets in to trouble he will hopefully not want to repeat the experience.
Like pp my DS15 gets up and dressed etc independently... I knock on his door as I go down... and I cook his breakfast ...
I realise he is more of a morning person than most teens but the two ways in which the system can go wrong are firstly if I don't wake him in plenty of time so that he can get up at his own pace and secondly if I start to hustle him he goes into truculent mode and puts the responsibility back on me.

I think there is no normal, my DS1 who is a year younger than your DS gets himself up and ready by himself, I just make him breakfast because I want to. DS2 however needs to be woken up, encouraged to dress etc etc.
If I left him to it, I am 100% confident that he just wouldn't get up.

One of my DCs was as you describe from age 13-16. Moody, unresponsive, hard to get out of bed, poorly dressed, bag not packed properly, apathetic, dawdling out of house late. Aaaargh, I feel your pain!

Then moved to 6th form college last Sept and instantly became a different person. Previously he had been unhappy at school, hence no motivation to get there. He loves the college set-up and I have never had to wake him up or chivvy him along. What's more, he had previously been considered not very academic and now he's turned into a bit of a star.

My advice: try to see if there's anything wrong at school. And consider a change of school if/when appropriate. Good luck!

It's normal for him not to want to take any responsibility for himself at that age.

It's not normal for you to keep helping him do that.

You need to start encouraging him to grow up.

I have occasionally got his lunch out of fridge to pass to him as he risks being late. My input has been more of a you need to leave in 10 minutes shout up the stairs I have also told him to get xy and z ready the night before. That doesn't happen all the time.

I am very much a believer in the be late suffer the consequences parent. Then again I had the utter dispealsure of dealing with University students for many years who were useless at being on time and still infant like. They were the ones with helicopter parents, nothing to do with any health or cognitive reasons to struggle. In fact they were the ones that made more of an effort.