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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Dd won't wear proper bras

46 replies

Dancergirl · 22/06/2017 09:34

Dd is 16 and I can't persuade her to wear proper fitting bras. She was fine getting first bras at 11 or so but as her bust has got bigger she's started to feel uncomfortable.

I'm guessing her size is around a 30DD/E or so which is bigger than she would like. So she really does need proper support.

Last year I managed to drag her into a Bravissimo (with help from a lovely MNer!) but she refused anything underwired and came out with a sports bra which has remained unworn.

She is currently wearing these:

www.dancedirect.com/uk/product/mbb1

They do the job of squashing everything down so she appears smaller. But I don't know how much actual support they provide and the material is thick and bulky so not good in hot weather or under strappy clothes.

I know it's important to have proper support and I have tried to talk to her sensitively about it but she won't discuss it.

And I know she wouldn't even consider bra shopping with friends either.

Any advice please?

OP posts:

Bloomed · 22/06/2017 18:53

Agree that a sports bra is a good idea but I've also given up wearing bras and just wear a cropped top. There's no need. I'm a 30 DD too.

SomeOtherFuckers · 22/06/2017 18:55

I wear soft non wired bras most of the time and also have a proper one for occasions. If her back starts to hurt suggest a better bra, if not leave her be x

SomeOtherFuckers · 22/06/2017 18:56

Oh and I'm a 28DD so similar to daughter , they're not particularly large ..

Barees · 22/06/2017 22:16

Start saving the money (without telling her) you'd be spending at Bravissimo if she wanted "pretty" bras in every colour for a breast reduction when she's 18.

I sense it'd make her very happy!

But let her bring the issue to you, rather than raising it now. At least until she's old enough.

TheFifthKey · 22/06/2017 22:19

Why would a 30DD need a breast reduction? It's not that large at all.

Original poster

Dancergirl · 22/06/2017 22:26

What barees???!!! So because my daughter doesn't like underwires bras, I should suggest a major operation to her??

OP posts:

Greenifer · 22/06/2017 23:07

Nobody who is a 30DD needs a breast reduction. That is a really peculiar comment! Breast reductions are for people with large breasts who find that their breasts are impacting on their daily life in a negative way. 30DD is not enormous. It is actually probably on the small side of average. The only arse factor about 30DD breasts is getting bras to fit and that is getting better all the time as manufacturers wake up to the fact that there are lots of people with band sizes under 32.

OP's daughter can wear stretchy non-wired bras for the rest of her life if she likes! It will do neither her nor anyone she comes into contact with any harm at all, unlike a breast reduction which is a major operation.

BandeauSally · 22/06/2017 23:13

I'm a 32DD/E and the bras you linked to in the OP are exactly the kind I wear. They are so much more comfortable than underwired strapped bras. Seriously! I struggled with uncomfortable "proper" bras for years but finally gave up on them about year ago and honestly, I won't be gojnback.

BandeauSally · 22/06/2017 23:15

And really your daughter is fully capable of deciding for herself what is comfortable for her. It's her business!

Rach5l · 22/06/2017 23:25

There are loads of these new bra-lets in all the shops, saw tons in Primark the other day. Might be a transition??

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 22/06/2017 23:30

This is what 30DD looks like, it is not large and certainly would not need a reduction!

HeyRoly · 23/06/2017 08:03

Exactly pizza. I'm a 30DD also and consider myself to be pretty flat chested! Especially due to the sag factor after two pregnancies...

I think people think that DD is a quite large cup size, when actually they're underestimating. So it might be that the OP's daughter is more like a F or G cup.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. She's wearing bras that she's happy wearing and there really aren't any health risks associated with not wearing a more supportive, underwired bra. She may switch to different bras of her own accord later. She's obviously struggling with her body image and hating her breasts is a symptom of that.

Barees · 23/06/2017 08:19

Well, I'd say it's not up to anybody to decide who "needs" a reduction, in the same way that it's not up to anybody else who gets implants.

Crumbs1 · 23/06/2017 08:28

What do you perceive as the risk of not having proper support? There really aren't any apart from sore nipples when running a lot.
Sports bras/bralets are very popular and much more comfortable than proper bras. Let her decide without forcing down a route that will make her self conscious and uncomfortable.

RenaissanceBunny · 23/06/2017 08:29

I'd third the M+S bras. I was large in the chest as a teenager (I'm mid 20s so not forever ago) and I gave up on underwired bras they poke, they dig in and on occasion snap. M+S non-underwired bras are the best, they have absolutely no metal or stiff bits, dry really quickly, and are fairly cheap. If she is really against going bra shopping I would order a selection for home delivery then she can try them on in her room, or maybe go with a friend or cousin (I much preferred bra shopping with my sister than going with my mum).

MissWilmottsGhost · 23/06/2017 08:34

I didn't wear a proper bra until I was 27, I only wore those elasticated sloggi type bras.

I still hate underwires. I wear sports bras or non wired 'first bra' from M and S, and that is mostly only to stop my nipples showing.

I am 45 and a 32E.

steppemum · 23/06/2017 08:35

dd is only 12 and small busted, so not quite there yet, but she will only contemplate the sort of thing your dd likes and only in plain white, no lace, no frills etc.
So i can sympathise, and those types of bras are hard to buy!

BUT you dd is wearing a minimum bounce dance bra. There is loads of support in that, it shoudl be fine, and shouldn't lead to any long term problems.

I think that the problem is that once they have a proper bra then they actually look like they have a proper bust, and it really emphasises the bust. Most teens are just not ready for that.

ijustwannadance · 23/06/2017 08:41

At 32 dd my boobs didn't look big at all.
Currently 32g and wearing non wired bra, they still don't look huge.
More likely to get back ache or shoulder pain from an ill fitting bra than 30dd boobs!

Greenifer · 23/06/2017 20:38

Well, I'd say it's not up to anybody to decide who "needs" a reduction, in the same way that it's not up to anybody else who gets implants.

Well, just for completeness, I would also consider someone with very large breasts who wanted implants to be doing something very stupid.

Tootsiepops · 23/06/2017 20:49

I switched from underwire bras to the same ones as your daughter when I was pregnant. They are so very comfortable. I will never, ever wear a 'proper' bra again.

VestalVirgin · 25/06/2017 14:54

And it can't be good for breast tissue to be squashed

I agree. In fact, I am against bra-wearing for all women who can do so without getting back ache, etc.
My breasts are plenty perky at the age of over 30, but that might be partly because they are small. (Can't say which size, never measured. Never bought a bra.)

Unless she is wearing too-small bra sizes in an attempt to flatten down her breasts, I don't think her choice of bra will flatten her breasts much more than the kind of bra you would like.

Having to deal with the male gaze is no fun, but I would recommend baggy clothes as the healther alternative.

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