Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

Original poster

curfew for 16 year old

17 replies

karen2808 · 20/06/2017 22:53

My daughter was 16 in April. She has been invited to a party in a field in a large village on the outskirts of our town. It's about a 45 minute walk from home, starts at 8pm and ends at 1am. My problem is she doesn't really know where it is exactly and will be walking there and back. I was not totally comfortable with the walking home and the lateness. She is not willing to compromise and be picked up earlier because no one else is being collected and apparently all her friends are going and the parents are all ok with this. I feel that 1am is too late for a just 16 year old. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Blanketdog · 21/06/2017 07:17

This is an end of GCSE party? I wouldn't walk home at 1pm! I'd stay up and pick her up at 1pm or insist she gets a taxi.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 21/06/2017 07:18

Can you pick her up at 1?

user1483387154 · 21/06/2017 07:20

Walking there, fine. Walking home at 1am? No chance. She needs to get a lift from family or friends.

Highalert · 21/06/2017 07:20

If you cant pick her up then pay for a taxi for her.

Angelicinnocent · 21/06/2017 07:21

Nothing wrong with a 1am finish to a party for 16 year olds but I wouldn't have her walking home. Get your PJs on and watch TV or read and go pick her up. It's not like you have to get out the car or anything (although I threaten my DC that I'll appear in my PJs if they aren't out on time)

corythatwas · 21/06/2017 08:44

Mine would have been allowed the party but as part of the maturity required to attend it I would expect an understanding that walking home alone at 1 a.m. was not a good idea. Either you pick up or she phones a taxi.

Crumbs1 · 21/06/2017 08:52

Are there any adults present? A large unsupervised party with no adult oversight would be a big no no for me. Why would there be a party just in a field? Do you mean a marquee? How will,they keep it to invited guests only if it's a sort of ad hoc gathering of youngsters? Is there phone reception in case of problems?
I wouldn't mind 1 am but I would collect her if I let her go at all.

Loopytiles · 21/06/2017 08:57

I'd say no to walking home and if DH or I (drivers) needed to sleep and a taxi was too expensive I would say earlier pickup or don't go: her choice.

Original poster

karen2808 · 21/06/2017 09:51

The party is apparently a common occurance, not celebrating anything special. The party is just in a bog standard field which is the "in" place to party, I have been told. She thinks about 50 people could be there and would be walking home with a few others.

OP posts:

leonardthelemming · 21/06/2017 11:46

What is the problem with walking home at that time? Is there any evidence to suggest it is more risky than at any other time? And if she will be with friends there is even less to worry about.

The thing is, if you say no and she goes anyway, what will you do then?
A discussion is called for.

stolemyusername · 21/06/2017 12:22

Can you compromise on a taxi home shared with a few friends?

Reow · 21/06/2017 12:44

I think you need to be ok with her going, but make sure she's as safe as possible and you know how she is getting home.

I think 16 is an age where you can't really "allow" things or not, they will go ahead and do them anyway.

Angelicinnocent · 21/06/2017 12:51

If others are walking with her then I wouldn't have a problem with it. As long as you can trust her to ring you if they don't for any reason

Original poster

karen2808 · 21/06/2017 13:19

My biggest concern is the location, its quite remote, in the middle of nowhere and the details of party are sketchy. She's been told it should be over by 1. There will be no adults there and I know some of the kids going regularly meet up to drink & smoke weed so I'm sure there will be at least alcohol involved. I trust her to be sensible but I am uncomfortable about her being with kids who drink a lot - drunk kids can be extremely stupid and I don't drive so getting a call at 1am saying she's stuck would be a nightmare. I've also come to the conclusion that I am behind with the times because I don't think that at 16 you should be staying out till the early hours.

OP posts:

Original poster

karen2808 · 21/06/2017 13:22

At the end of the day she is a good girl so I know if we say no she would respect that.

OP posts:

Original poster

karen2808 · 21/06/2017 14:26

Thank you for all the advice & comments, we have had a good talk & although she won't be going to this one we haven't said she won't be able to next time. She has begrudgling agreed that the fact that she doesn't know where it is, how many are going or no definate plans in place to get home didn't help.

OP posts:

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 24/06/2017 03:35

My ds2 went to parties like this after GCSES. They were quite often just gatherings in random fields/parks in nearby villages. He used to cycle there and back. Quite often he wasn't back until 2 or 3am. I used to worry but always allowed him to do it.

If he'd been walking rather than cycling I would have insisted he didn't walk alone but only with a group of friends, and that if necessary he phoned me and I would pick him up. He never did but I would have done if necessary.

Flip