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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

My teen can't talk on the phone

22 replies

paintaworld · 07/06/2017 21:35

I don't know why but my DD just flat out refuses to talk to people on the phone and when she does, you can hear her voice shaking with nerves...She's 17 and she should be able to talk to people on the phone by now but she says she gets so nervous and she'd rather talk to someone face to face than speak over the phone...Should I be trying to help her with this??

OP posts:

llangennith · 07/06/2017 21:40

I can talk the hind leg off the proverbial donkey and text for Britain but I'm hopeless on the phone. I hate talking to a faceless gadget!
Maybe it's and introvert thing.

GeillisTheWitch · 07/06/2017 21:42

I'm 36 and I hate talking on the phone, I only use my phone to text or whatsapp. Some people just hate talking on the phone, let her be.

furryelephant · 07/06/2017 21:43

I was exactly the same! Flat out refused regardless of who it was and couldn't even make my own appointments over the phoneit just got gradually better and now in my 20s, although I still don't enjoy speaking on the phone, I can when necessary so just give her time I think!

Lovelilies · 07/06/2017 21:47

I make DD (12) make her own phone calls (booking on to activity/ calling vet/ ordering take away). If she wants it doing- she needs to do it herself! She's getting a lot better

reallyanotherone · 07/06/2017 21:59

Nope, i hate it, always have. Would rather miss out than pick up the phone.

These days text, email, social media etc make it ever easier to keep in touch, so i wouldn't worry.

I wouldn't force it, my mum tried with me and it just made it far worse, i went from avoidance to almost pathological fear.

Nagging- "are you going to phone x", "when are you going to phone y", "haven't you phoned z yet", would just add to my fear and build up a simple phone call to some huge event.

I email :)

okthenigiveup · 07/06/2017 22:02

I was the same. At 18 I got a job in a taxi office taking bookings - my decision.

It was terrifying and I hated it but I cracked it.
And it's been hugely helpful since.

Sparklingbrook · 07/06/2017 22:03

DS1 is 17 and he's exactly the same. He hates speaking on the phone. DH doesn't like it even now.

At Ds1's age I had been in a full time job for a year that involved answering the phone so had no option.

DancingLedge · 07/06/2017 22:07

I always feel self conscious talking on the phone, but do it frequently.

Youngest DC seem to have a huge barrier. Have always found it difficult. Text, what's app ,instagram,etc non stop. Actually ring someone- only if a matter of life and death.

stayathomegardener · 07/06/2017 22:09

I think it's harder for today's teens because it's not a normal way for them to communicate.
DD has always hated it as she is dyslexic and a very visual person she needs to see people's facial expressions to be sure of the word meanings.
She has been better on FaceTime and now speaks to her boyfriend nightly which has helped so much.

ChrisPrattsFace · 07/06/2017 22:16

I hate phone speaking! I text, email and speak to people in person, but I turn into a terrible wreck on the phone. I get anxiety at work when the phone rings and no one answers it, and when there's only me I have to mentally prepare myself. It's rarely bad... I just HATE it, even to family and friends!

Orlandointhewilderness · 07/06/2017 22:16

I was the same. Terrified of it. My parents didn't push it and I got better slowly. I still hate it though and avoid talking to strangers on the phone if I can.

FreshHorizons · 07/06/2017 22:18

I don't really like it either.
I wouldn't push it- just give it time.

Firenight · 07/06/2017 22:18

I hate speaking on the phone too. Dialling into work meetings is a special sort of hell!

Redsippycup · 07/06/2017 22:21

I hate phoning people. I don't mind answering the phone as much, but actually ringing someone else and talking to them. Nope, would rather not!

I'm 33...

eurochick · 07/06/2017 22:31

I loved the phone as a teen (no texting or email back then). Now I hate it, as does my husband. If we need to phone someone, we always try to punt it to the other one. We are both senior professionals who lead meetings, present to hundreds of people and so on. But we hate talking on the phone! It is a life skill though so it is probably worth trying to get your daughter to the point where it is something she doesn't enjoy rather than causing the extreme reaction you describe.

SugarnetMum · 07/06/2017 22:32

Leave her. I used to hate it, wouldn't even answer to my best friend. still kind of the same.. Won't answer to my boss etc, just find it awkward!! Its getting somewhat better

HelenMcHelen · 08/06/2017 14:19

Both of mine do. Comes of growing up with texting etc. It's a bloomin handicap when it comes to the real world and having to make business calls. If they actually get round to making a call they can't wait to get off the phone, fail to ask the right questions and are easily fobbed off.
I itch to do it for them but they have to learn.
I have been known to make DS rehearse a phone call and write notes beforehand.

I grew up in the days of home phone plugged in on a little table in the hallway.

SeanSpicer · 08/06/2017 14:24

I wouldn't push it, it might make her feel worse. Is she likely to move away for uni in a couple of years? She will (likely) have to do it then and she'll probably get better with time and practice.

IHateUncleJamie · 08/06/2017 14:28

I think it's an anxiety thing. I don't think texting etc has helped at all, but to be fair, when I was a young teen we didn't have mobiles (only City workers had them, great bricks they were 😂) and I would rather have poked pins in my eyes than picked up a phone to talk to a stranger.

Little by little is what I think helps - so getting teen to make his/her own hair/dentist/orthodontist appointment. Then work up to restaurant bookings (which I still dislike). Making notes and practicing helps, as does not having a parental audience.

picklemepopcorn · 08/06/2017 14:34

My 21 yr old is just starting to manage it now. I used to ring him and he'd refuse to answer and text me instead.

Ginger782 · 08/06/2017 14:38

I know the majority are saying "let her be" but even though this is a really common problem it will be easier for her long term if she starts practicing now. Depending on what she wants to do for work she will likely have to use a phone to some degree.

Encourage her to practice with easy calls - call a business to find out what their opening hours are. Call a restaurant to make a reservation. Call a store to get a price on something. Book a haircut/dental appointment. If that's too challenging, book a haircut in a different town with a false name. Then call and cancel it. You've practiced with no risk of embarrassment. Encourage her to write down what she is going to say: "Hello, I'd like to make a reservation for 2 for tonight at 7pm please" so she has a script to follow.

Help her now so it doesn't stop her from applying for jobs/trying new things in future.

IrianOfW · 08/06/2017 14:42

DD is like this. She just can't do it. She had recently been diagnosed with moderate to severe anxiety and depression and one of her CBT homework things was to speak to someone (whom she knows but not one of her close friends) on the phone. She tried to do it and nearly fainted with stress. Right now she is getting round the practical problems by emailing but she will have to tackle it one day - I was the same and it took me till my mid-20s to be able to do it calmly.

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