Hi Guys, I'm at my wits end so I'm all open to all suggestions. My dear sweet child has grown up into a 19 year old that seems to have no interest in life but to get stoned, sounds a bit harsh I know but bear with me. Behaviour problems started at about 14, I believe he started smoking cannabis about 15. Then he lost interest in school completely, did just enough to get through his GCSE's to please me and his teachers. Went to sixth form and dropped out after a year.When he left he decided he was going to go straight into work as he knew he didn't want to be in education anymore, since then he went onto benefits & got sanctioned twice because he did not turn up to interviews. Although he affirms he has been searching for work he has had no interviews. I am what the government calls a JAM, just about managing. I have a full time job on a low wage and high credit card debt. We have food in the house and bills get paid but no luxuries, I struggle to make ends meet each month so the pressure is on, I'm a single mum (dad is not on the scene and I have no family). When my son does get any cash, he spends it on fags and weed.
OK about us, My son when he's not getting stoned, is a nice guy, he is a good friend and great to talk to. I love him very much and he knows this. He also tells me he loves me and we have a very honest relationship where communication is not a problem. Unfortunately he does not take any responsibility for himself, if I wasn't here he would be quite happy to live with rubbish all over the floor and to eat off dirty plates. I'm actually concerned that if I wasn't around he wouldn't eat anything nutritious at all, he is currently very under weight. Over the last year we have had full on arguments to the point I threaten that he will have to leave, his behaviour gets better and he says all the right things and then things get worse again.I have spoken to him at length of the consequences of getting stoned each day and why his life will be so much better and how much happier he will be once he starts working. A friend has tried getting him to the Princes Trust but on the day, he refused to go. He tried drugs counselling and quit after one week, he says he knows what's wrong and says all the things I want to hear but when it comes to the action, nothing changes. When is enough, enough? Anyone who has had experience of this who might have an insight, let me know. Some people might suggest I kick him out but I'm scared he will just end out hanging out with worse people and declining into worse drug problems and will use my kicking him out as another excuse not to take responsibility for himself.By the way I'm not that conservative, I live in a city where smoking some weed at a party is very common place and I have done so myself, however I know that smoking everyday can not be good for his developing brain, he's on course for major head problems in the future.We are also both aware of the law on drugs, in fact he has already been cautioned by the police for possession. I'm interested to know if you guys think ultimatums work? I'm considering stating either he goes back to full time education, enrolls on a course or get's a full time legal job or he is out? I'm scared it may backfire and will lead him to darker paths