16 year old says she doesn't hate me but...

[badasahatter]

my god, she's low level horrible to me. I was just writing this morning's exchange down and it sounded really feeble so I scrapped it. She's not abusive. She has never said she hates me, but her body language, her facial expressions, her tone of voice, the way she interacts with me says different. I feel like I have fecked up with her and I don't know how.

We are opposites and she doesn't like the kind of person I am. She's quiet and withdrawn, I'm fairly garrulous. But I wasn't at her age, so I know how she feels to some degree. My mum was borderline abusive, and I have tried so hard not to be that mum, but sometimes I feel like screaming in her face about how disrespectful she is and making her feel crap, but I know it won't achieve anything.

Just lately I've responded by moving myself away from it all...leaving the dinner table earlier with the excuse of work (I'm just finishing a college course) and shutting myself in the living room rather than putting up with the eye-rolling sarcasm of any rare morning exchanges.

I'm just venting...but if anyone can offer any advice on how I deal with this without getting pissed off with her, I'd be so appreciative. Even if it's just 'get a grip'.

I was meaning that I would find dd16 a helluva lot harder if I didn't have the distraction of her siblings.

Yes I had the same thought about my gaggle when I read the OP. On the flip side, with one, there wouldn't be the constant balancing and arbitration and worrying about fairness. I imagine also, with one, that when it's good, it's just good and you can enjoy it without the distraction of someone else's rough patch.

What are your (and her) plans for the summer?

SerfTerf we have a few bits in place. After the 16th, when the dreaded GCSEs are done, we are off to Northumberland for a couple of nights. Booked in at Kielder to look at the stars, cos she loves the night sky. I'd earmarked a yurt in the national park, but that got nixed; no wifi and no separate bedroom. Then early in August, we're off to London. She's doing Summer in the City, a You-tuber convention in London, for 4 nights with friends. I'm being Billy No-Mates looking for free stuff to do alone. She's too young to do a hotel alone. Later in August we are, as a family, going to Reading Festival on the Friday and Leeds on the Saturday. DH and I have our bands earmarked, she's meeting friends at both venues. Apart from that, we've got a couple of gigs booked, one tiny, one medium sized, both my kind of band, so I'll tag along, but low-key. I've said we'll see what comedy events are happening. She's not keen on going to Edinburgh. I thought it would be fun, but apparently that's taking it too far! But other than that, it's chilling all the way. She has local friends who she'll see occasionally, but nothing structured.

Oh four days in London alone to wander around! Heaven! You can do museums and parks and exhibitions and window shopping. I'm quite envious.

At least that sounds like quite a few things planned. Lots of smaller things breaking the time up is probably better than one or two big things.

I wouldn't be too envious serf. I'll be bored out of my skull on my own. And eating alone is not my favourite thing to do. Last time we did the London thing and I ended up alone I went to see Wicked, but I'll have to see how the budget is looking. I went to the pictures the time before and watched Fantastic Beasts. I have got a few movies I need to see, so that might happen. I was thinking British Museum, V&A, The Tate, The History Museum...that kind of thing. Actually, it should be nice. I'd give it all up for a week on a campsite with a brood of little ones though. I think we often want what we don't have. I hope you've got some lovely plans for the summer too.

I really feel for you. I posted similar a while back.
It's secretly heartbreaking but ive come to terms with it slightly(!)
Everyone used to be a bit jealous of how close my daughter and I were and I thought it would always be like that, it was a bit of a shock when I realised things had changed.
I too have tried to change and distance myself.
Chin up, hugs I think we all have to go through tough patches as a parent xx