Doing the do

8 replies

Gingermare2 · 05/06/2017 08:38

So yesterday I caught my 15 year old daughter in a very uncompromising position with her on / off bf. After a bit of the shock subsided she told me that she was having a sexual relationship with this boy, also 15.
So this really is text book stuff, I knew it would happen one day, but why do I feel so down about it? I can't look at her without feeling uncomfortable ( and trust me, I don't want to feel this way ) but it's like she's not my baby anymore.
I told her that we would be going to the doctors this week to sort out contraception which she is more than happy with.
How do I move on? Who else felt this way when they found out their child was sexually active?

OP posts:

FuckyDuck · 05/06/2017 08:44

Sex is completely normal and healthy, shes just started a bit early. Contraception is a great place to start, and talk to her about being assertive and understanding it's ok to say yes to some things and no to others, she only has to do what she wants to do and is comfortable with.

The more horrified/uncomfortable you are, the less likely she is to be able to talk to you.

LoveBeingAMum555 · 05/06/2017 22:59

I only have boys and everyone tells me you feel slightly differently if you have a daughter but you can't help look at them and think that they are still so young. DD (16) absolutely worships his girlfriend, they think they will be together for ever and its all so intense. I know this is far better than him sleeping around and he definitely respects her. I just can't help feeling that there is plenty of time for all this heavy relationship stuff!

Just keep open the lines of communication, even if you do feel a bit uncomfortable, this is really important because she is only 15. At least she trusts you enough to tell you, you should be proud of that.

DevilMakesWork · 06/06/2017 19:31

Sounds like you're doing great so far -- give yourself a break.

lljkk · 06/06/2017 21:09

Yeah, I never realised that the only thing creepier than thinking about your parents having sex is thinking about your kids doing it. Just Yick.

She's only 15. This is not good.
Focus on protection first. How close is she to 16?

DevilMakesWork · 06/06/2017 22:18

Time to face reality lljkk - some 15 year olds have sex. The mother doesn't need to be told "focus on protection first": she's already told us she has a doctor's appointment.

You're being judgemental. The mother has a chance to deal with the situation openly and maturely with a 15 year old, or react angrily and damage her relationship with her daughter. Once that happens, she'll wait until she's 16 and have sex anyway without involving her mum.

SimplySte · 06/06/2017 22:24

Sounds like you're doing great. Make sure she's aware your door is always open.

Original poster

Gingermare2 · 07/06/2017 08:38

Thanks all. It's been a weird time.

I took her out yesterday shopping because I just needed to spend some time with her. We haven't really mentioned the weekends activities, I just wanted the dust to settle but I'm going to talk to her tonight and let her know that I'm not angry. The only bit that miffs me is her decision to " get it on " with her bf whilst the whole family was in the house ( it's so small that even I and her dad have to chose our moments carefully!)

One of my big concerns with DD was her getting pregnant in her teens. My DH has kids from a previous relationship, 2 of which got pregnant at 15 and 16. His mum got pregnant at 18. He got a girl pregnant at 14. So there seems very much to be a pattern that I'll be damned that my daughter continues!

She is so beautiful inside and out and I try so hard to fill her with confidence about her future, which is looking exceptionally bright at the moment. She's a strong little lady so whilst I write this I'm thinking this really wasn't a surprise.

The other issue is my upbringing. My mother was very controlling, very Victorian to the point I wasn't allowed to participate in " life drawing " at college due to the fact it involved naked men! She treated me like a piece of crap when she found out I was sexually active at 18 and literally frog marched me to the docs to go on the pill. It was a horrible time. So again I'm determined not to let my DD feel the same way. Even now my mothers words echo round my head " nice girls don't do things like that " and I'm 45!!

So there we go, it's been an awkward time but we will get through this. Again, thank you all for your words, it means a lot. X

OP posts:

lljkk · 07/06/2017 19:00

You talk rubbish about me, Devil.

Flip