Teenage boys and disrespect

[TamSam61]

All. Here I was thinking I'd cracked this teenage thing. Two older daughters aged 17 and 19 who seemed to pass through this phase relatively painlessly.

Now I have a 13 year old son. Ouch! I was not expecting him to be troublesome as girls are supposed to be the worst aren't they?

Lack of respect for us and our rules is the pits. No electronics (phones, iPads, computers) after bed time yet he constantly disobeys us. Last night til 3am!! And he has important exams next week.

I'm at my wits end. I want to throw my hands up and give up. Then I want to discipline him by removing all electronics. But worried that will cut him off from his friends.

Tell me I'm not alone. Any advice??

What consequences there been for him breaking the rules?

I wouldn't confiscate all electronics but maybe impose a curfew at 9pm or something.

Wait, what important exams do 13 year olds have?

I have 6 dc. Older 2 are 22 and 19. Ds is almost 14 so yr 9

We have a no argument curfew, off electronics an hour before your bedtime, so 8 pm for him. Absolutely no electronics in rooms.

Disobeying of rules results in electronics being confiscated for a period of time.

That's it, simple.

Remove the electronics at bedtime. Or preferably an hour or two before so he's calm come bedtime.
Every instance of poor behaviour has a consequence. Every time.
Try and stay calm.
Exercise wil help him
Exercise but also helps me!

Thanks guys.

He's doing common entrance exam next week which determines which school he goes to from September. Should do well as he's clever but not working at all and up till goodness knows what hours won't help!

We say no electronics in his room after 9pm and confiscate for a few days and then if he breaches then it escalates up to a week. Then two weeks. Then a month. The month we thought broke him BUT he's back to old tricks again and when he had his last ban we found he was working around it (getting his mates to log into instagram for example).

He's a really nice, confident boy but we can have rules being broken like this. They are there for a reason! And he has a younger 10yo sister.

Husband wants to remove all electronics for at least 2 months. And perhaps replace with a phone that only does calls and texts.... too extreme??

Take his phone from him and all other electricals every evening at 9pm
He can have them back in the morning.

Husband wants to remove all electronics for at least 2 months. And perhaps replace with a phone that only does calls and texts.... too extreme??

That's crazy-you'll just have a resentful boy who won't want to do anything. That's not the way to motivate anyone to work.

I agree with chocolate, I think it's best to just take the phone etc away every night and give it to him in the morning.

If he breaches? Don't let him. Have a place where he has to leave his devices overnight. Remind him if necessary but leaving them in his room overnight is a temptation too far.

2 months?
Your sanctions are too harsh.

Thanks PurpleDaisies. That was my thought. He needs to be able to socialise with his friends. Phones are not allowed at school and if we strictly enforce at night then hopefully it's only a few hours to feed his addiction....

I like the idea of a place for his stuff but think it may have to be our bedroom as otherwise he'll just sneak down when we go to bed!!

Have any of you had issues with getting your sons to study??

You remove your 22 and 19 year olds electronics?

Thanks bigmack. Yes. I think 2 months is too long but worried that we're just doing the same again and again with shorter bans....

Mine is hardly a workaholic but he knows if he expects x box time and other devices and running around to all his sports and stuff then he better do the bloody Hw!

13 is quite young to have the self-discipline to study IMO. Are his friends doing the exams? Does he have a tutor?

Wolfiefan. Staying calm is really not easy I have to say.

Why not reward study time with time on his electronics?

Bigmack the common entrance exam is pretty much done by all boys at his school. He doesn't have discipline to study. We try little and often...

I am glad it is not just me and ds13 who have this battle. We have a rule of no phone for an hour before bed and all revision/homework done before gaming or going out. We have lots of eye rolling and huffing sometimes but they need rules (sensible ones that they might not like but that they respect and aren't too harsh). Breaking the screen time before bed means I take his phone off him for a short period. Revision and homework can be a battle but I treat it like getting a toddler to do something, encouragement works better than punishment (doesn't always mean I don't shout sometimes!). I find sitting with him sometimes and getting him started helps, or just chatting about what he needs to do and how he feels about it.

highalert no. 22 year dd lives with her boyfriend and ds is 19 and is an adult and works full time. Obviously I don't tell him what he can and can't do with his own phone, Xbox etc although he does have to abide by the no phones at the table rule alongside everyone else.

Younger dc are 13,12,10,6 . 13, 12 have phones and dd 10 has an iPod. All have to be left in the kitchen at bedtimes. They don't have tv's, etc in rooms.

The odd times I've caught ds (13) with the iPad in his room watching a film he has all electronics removed for the following day.

Too harsh sanctions results in dc that are surly and less inclined to comply imo.

How about setting cut off times for the internet rather than removing devices? I have a 12pm cut off set up so my (older) teen can't spend all night on Snapchat. Works a treat since there's nothing he can do about it but accept it.

We do exactly that. The wifi goes off at 11 and the phone has a parental setting that disables data at the same time.