At what age do they start to have some respect for property?

[fryalot]

My dd1 (13) has always been brought up to respect people's possessions, and never has. Even her own. She got a gameboy for Xmas, and by her birthday in January she had lost it (oh well, she thinks) I refused to buy her another one, the same as I refused to buy her a new mobile phone when she broke her first one. Or the replacement that her grandad bought her.

I have just found my brand new settee throws screwed up on the floor of the toy cupboard. They cost me £15.00 each, which I know isn't that much, but it's a lot to us. They have never been used and I am SO cross. What she's done, is she's taken them out to have a look and instead of folding them back up again and putting them back on the shelf where they came from, she's just chucked them.

I'm getting to the end of my tether with her. She doesn't wash, she doesn't do anything around the house, she doesn't care about anything that I can see.

What can I do?

I think it is an age thing. sounds like ds.

bugger. Was afraid of that.

Oh God, dd (nearly 10) is still a nightmare - doesn't sound like she is going to improve in the near future...(we're talking writing on furniture, smearing makeup on the walls - even worse when it is mine - scribbling on a new rad with a crayon)

yeah, ktpee - I have two toddlers and a teenager and they're ALL at it!

You expect it from a two year old but not someone whose favourite graffiti is about boybands!

Just came across this thread and had to add a post. Squonk please know you are not alone! my dd aged 14 is exactly the same. it's been going on for years. it was so spooky to read your post, it could have been me talking. I know exactly what youi mean - it doesnt matter whether it's something expensive or cheap - what matters is the utter disregard for how the other person is going to feel. My dd just takes things without any regard for whose they are, then drops them on the floor or loses them and DOESNT SEEM TO CARE, this is what drives me crazy (and makes me sad). She takes her brother's chocolate (he's a hoarder) so he now has to keep it in a locked drawer. She takes my clothes and leaves them screwed up in filthy heaps on the floor of her room. She takes my makeup, my hairbrush, even my underwear. I sometimes resort to locking the drawers of my dressing table. Imagine what that feels like. I'm afraid it's a long hard battle but KEEP AT IT because what we have to get into their heads is respect for other people. I happen to feel strongly about this at the moment because we've been struggling with all sorts of issues related to her self esteem, and a very wise friend said to me "It has to start with how she treats other people - if you don't respect other people you can't respect yourself". So we keep on the case, though it's incredibly wearing and tiring, and that's the only advice i can give to you - though i hope it helps to know you're not alone.

It's easy to say this but...

• in my experience it's not just normal, it seems to be inbred and compulsory. I have never managed to work out why - i mean, what possible evolutionary advantage can there be in it? There's a lot of evidence now that their brains stop working properly for a while when they are teenagers. Well, duh, we all knew that didn't we?
• consequences consequences consequences. What really matters to her? take it away for a while. MSN time, mobile phone allowance, whatever. there must be something. It will be just as horrible as you think it will be but a very important part of being a teenager is 'learning to own the consequences'. Of course, it's going to hurt you more than it will hurt her (she will rant and scream and throw things and be worse for a while) but if there is no consequence to her bad actions then she will never change her ways. Give good warning first. (btw, I am rubbish at this. The good advice comes from a friend who has always been really good at it)