17 year old son - drugs and hatred for parents

[Kareninfrance]

Having major issues with our 17 year old too. He has changed from the most loving considerate boy to a complete stranger. We keep finding home made bongs in his bedroom and bathroom - he has no respect at all, has trashed his bedroom and all he says to us is f**k off bitch, etc. He wants us to kick him out but we won't do it - don't know where he would go to live. We tonight removed his bedroom and bathroom doors so we csn smell if he is doing anything. It was his 17th on Sunday but didn't geh him anything as he keeps saying he wants nothing from us and told md if I got him anything he would smash it. He spit at le too on Saturday. I feel tonight I have made it worse (if tgat was even possible) as I was sick of being ignored and forced the issue. There is no support available at all and I am at my wits end. Any. Advice please.

he has his own bathroom within his bedroom - we cannot see into it unless we go into his bedroom

If the doctor had seen him and thought he needed to be sectioned, then he would have been sectioned.

That sounds really tough
I know this probably sounds trite but a couple of my peers and also a cousin 'went off the rails' at that age. Took drugs to excess, broke the law, stole things, failed their exams etc.
One of them had mental health problems which was well treated with medication. All of them are upstanding members of the community now and lead very 'boring' normal lives.
There is something that happens to teen brains at this age which makes them go rather haywire. Hopefully it will be a temporary glitch for you and your son.

It sounds like he is very angry, and is directing it towards you and your partner?

poor you how awful to be going through this

he needs medical intervention and help - he sounds out of control

good luck

My son had psychosis and he was much more extreme. Nocturnal, stopped eating, hearing voices, crying which crescendoed into him creeping up behind me with a carving knife and calmly telling me he was going to cut my throat...
he drank bleach and cut through his veins.
He spent two years in a forensic psych unit- one In London and one in Birmingham. I visited every week for one hour initially. It nearly broke me.
He was 14 and had a diagnosis of schizophrenia- I have seen the dangers of weed and what it goes to someone with a predisposition to mental health problems. My father is also a paranoid schizophrenic.
If they are saying he needs to go I would allow it before it's forced and let him have the treatment he needs.

Have him sectioned before he really hurts himself or you.

So you took the door off? In a less enlightened age his parents would have beaten the shit out of him. Easy to be nicey nicey when you don't have to deal with a substance abuser.

I hope things improve.

Really, really feel for you and your family. I would take the Drs advice and get him sectioned. Getting him off the drugs would be a best step forward and some time away from the family, in a safe place, so you know where he is, could give him important time to reflect. Bon Chance!

had a meeting at lycee yesterday anx apparently the 'boy' he is hanging about with is really bad news and the whole lycee are aware he is on drugs - ketamine and mdma. It sounds like he only comes back to lycee to take his exams but he lives in the same town as the lycee.

My eldest had a run in with him last week at the jazz festival and warned him to stay away from his brother.

Apparently this boy (he is 19) has told someone that he thinks he has messed up with what he has done to my youngest. It sounds like they have both been using coke and mdma!!!

I am waiting now for my doctor yo call me back as I want to know what her opinion is with this new info and what she said to the social worker.

He refused to speek to me at the meeting also!!

As tough as thid is you know what you are dealing with and can act. While you cannot control his behaviour you can manage how you react to it. Focus your energies on what is in your control so you feel like you regain influence on your situation. I hope you all get support

As a SW in the U.K. I'm amazed and quite pleased to see France intervene to help parents who's kids are going down this route.
We do nothing here. Parents are desperate for help but get very little.
Hope you are ok op. It sounds as if he needs all the help he can get.

Karen I feel for you, I have been going through a similar thing with my 17 yr old. Taking drugs, smoking bongs in his bedroom, swearing at me and me partner, smashing the house up and his phone, skulking around coming in the early hours and sleeping all day. It is horrible seeing the transformation from kind lovely boy to that. But we now seemed to have turned a corner, he has taken up 2 jobs, taken up cooking, messing my kitchen up but hey who cares. It is amazing. I have tried to remain calm and kept repeating that I love him and only want the best. I accept that he still smokes weed but asked him not to do it in the house and he seems to be in control. Past year has been hell. Being told to fuck off is awful I know but please don't give up on him . Wishing you the best

If the dr is prepared to hospitalise him then allow it. I don't think the grandparents are being helpful, although ultimately he is not three responsibility. To the pp who said they don't section for dabbling in drugs. This is not dabbling. Left to his own devices he could end up dead soon. Therefore, he is a risk to himself. 3 or 4 years ago (in the UK) a psychiatrist was on the brink of sectioning my son for out of control drug use. He was manic but not yet psychotic. At the time I wished she had it was awful and frightening. She did not want to lose his trust completely. But she was certain she could get him sectioned.