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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DS16 never goes out

20 replies

ssd · 30/04/2017 20:36

he said his friends are all smoking and drinking and he doesn't want to do this so he doesn't go out with them outside school

he used to do a lot of sport but had to give up due to various injuries

am at a loss as to how to help him, he's bored and in all the time

am really worried about him, his eldest brother is never in

OP posts:

BelleTheSheepdog · 30/04/2017 20:46

The going out culture can be so negative though. I feel for you but think you have to trust him on this. Can he do volunteering? So going out but with a purpose.

Fluffybrain · 30/04/2017 20:53

Could he get a part time job?

Original poster

ssd · 30/04/2017 21:01

he is trying to get a part time job but there aren't many in this area, I know lots of 18 year olds struggling to get anything so I think a 16 year old will really struggle

I'm trying to get him to volunteer but he isn't keen as its only charity shops round here and they seem to be full of uni students

OP posts:

Fluffybrain · 30/04/2017 21:14

Is there a sport that he can get into that won't be affected to much by his injuries?
Even as a spectator?

Original poster

ssd · 30/04/2017 21:29

he has tried different things but he just can play just now

the spectator thing is difficult due to various issues, but one I'll bare in mind

OP posts:

WandaOver · 30/04/2017 21:35

Does he play online? We live out in the sticks and DS2 never went out but would be chatting on Skype and playing various games with a bunch of friends.

Original poster

ssd · 30/04/2017 21:43

he does play online but not with friends I dont think

OP posts:

Fluffybrain · 01/05/2017 06:57

Is he at school or college? Do you think he has social anxiety?

Original poster

ssd · 01/05/2017 09:19

school

I dont think so, I think he just doesn't want to do what his pals are doing, but I worry about him becoming isolated

OP posts:

robinia · 01/05/2017 09:24

Refereeing?
Volunteering at local country parks/outdoor spaces/ animal shelters/ after school clubs?
Working for things like tutoring centres/ labouring?

Fluffybrain · 01/05/2017 09:27

He could do with meeting like minded people his age. I think there's a lot of guys out there similar to him who don't want to drink and smoke and don't want the pressure to do it. How about something like chess club? Or a book club? In our town there's a cafe full of board games and people sit and play in groups and people can join. Wonder if there's something like that near you?

Original poster

ssd · 01/05/2017 09:30

I've been finding out about volunteering and am hoping to hear back from somewhere soon....then I have to convince him to actually do it (he doesn't think its cooool)

refereeing a good call, thanks!

OP posts:

BelleTheSheepdog · 01/05/2017 09:32

Well you could insist he chooses some volunteering role out of the house once a week.

How is he round the house? Does he go out and do gardening or shopping for example or is he left home on the computer?

There are somewhat separate issues of too much time on your hands and being bored and not having g opportunity to socialise with peers. Sometimes for the latter school is more than enough!

Mymouthgetsmeintrouble · 01/05/2017 09:34

What about sport that wont affect his injuries like swimming , walking clubs , or other clubs , what about volunteering at scouts there will be other volunteers his age

geogteach · 01/05/2017 09:41

Definitely refereeing, DS is the same age. He paid to do the course for mini soccer referee earlier this year, he has had matches every week and the club he refs for (who he had no previous connection with) have already paid to put him through the course for the next level so now he has offers of
Matches on Saturday and Sunday. Not necessarily a great social opportunity but he is out and earning which he is happy about.

Original poster

ssd · 01/05/2017 21:58

the mini soccer refereeing sounds good, he's interested in coaching too

OP posts:

BackforGood · 01/05/2017 22:04

Another who was going to suggest refereeing or coaching (or both). If he likes sport but can't play competitively for now, seems the idea answer.
Or, of course, finding a different sport that uses different muscles / strengths from those that are injured.
Reffing junior matches can be a great earner, too.

Travelledtheworld · 01/05/2017 23:20

I have one of these too. He is qualified as a lifeguard so that gets him out of the house to earn a bit of money.
He occasionally goes to a friends house to hang out and play computer games. But that's once every three months or so.
Some boys are just not sociable.

Original poster

ssd · 02/05/2017 09:33

I don't think he isnt sociable, he doesnt mind his own company but he gets on well with others when he is at school, he just doesn't seem to have a friendship group that fits him just now and without sport taking up a lot of his time he seems a bit lost. He is studying for exams though, he's doing well there.

I did hear that there was a lot of trouble with teens his age in the town centre last weekend so I can well understand his staying in so much, I think 15-17 is a difficult age for boys, they have no where to go and their hormones are all over the place.

OP posts:

BelleTheSheepdog · 02/05/2017 09:59

Ssd I think we perhaps live in similar places.

My ds is sociable but there just were not many obvious strands to social activity beyond drinking in the park and sport teams and he was not into either at 16.

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