18 year old dd is driving me crazy

[Chikka1971]

I love my 18 year old dd. For years it was just her and me. Her dad was violent and after our divorce she chose not to see him as he was pretty vile to her too. We have been through normal ups and downs. I now have a wonderful partner and we have lived together for the last year and my dd resents him. He tries so hard and is brilliant with her but she acts really spoilt and is horrible to him. She has a bf now and is talking about moving in with him. I have tried everything but she has become lazy. Bunks off college. Doesn't want to work. Refuses to contribute financially when she leaves college in a month's time. Is messy and rude. I am at the end of my tether and can't help but be relieved that she wants to move out. What have I done wrong? We used to be so close. It could be because of my partner. That's what she wants me to think. But honestly it started before then and I think it's a long excuse for her to behave badly. Does anyone else have teenagers they don't recognise from the delightful children they used to be??

Will do her the world of good to move out. She'll come around you see, when she realises what a good mum you've been. Patience and time.

Thank you Lightyears. That's encouraging!!

Dd1 was a hellion teen! She got better when she started working fulltime at 19, hang on in there, hopefully its just a phase. I know how hard it is

Thanks BirthdayBetty. It breaks my heart. I think I have over compensated for things and she just is horrible now.

She's had you all to herself for a long time, it's normal for her to resent him, nothing personal. It's hard for you eh? You've had a rough time with her DF, and you've found some happiness, she should be really pleased for you right? Not necessarily, she's struggling with lots of emotions.

You deserve your happiness, and she is an 'adult' now, hard to let go when it's just been the two of you, isn't it?

She will come round, she loves you, just may feel she's 'losing' you if you see what I mean, you are, after all, her 'anchor'. The saying goes 'this too shall pass' and it will.

Enjoy your happiness OP, we all deserve that

If she was going off to university then you'd get a reprieve then, wouldn't you? Not every parent is crying when their child goes off to university! She's that age - it's natural that she'll want a bit of freedom and that you'll be ready for her to move on.

I think as long as she protects herself from pregnancy, as she sounds too immature for that, then there's nothing to lose from her moving out. She will find it tough at times and she'll come home for visits and wonder why the hell she left!

I agree. When DD came home from uni a fortnight after she started I was surprised by her commenting on how nice my meals were, said thank you for lots of things. And has gone from very messy to a tidy freak - she complains at me for not keeping the house tidy enough now!

I would let her move in with her bf if she wants to and be neither encouraging or discouraging. And say lots of things like you'll miss her but you recognise she's a young adult so if that's what she wants to do etc And reinforce that she can come home at any time.