Feel like I've lost my daughter

[Sadmum987]

Daughter is 17 now, we have always had an amazing relationship. She's been a very easy child, not perfection her rooms a tip, she's fussy eating but in the grand scheme of things it's been a very easy ride!
She got a job a few years ago and has changed so much. It's like she doesn't care about me at all anymore. I really feel like I've lost her. I can't talk to my husband about this because he thinks I'm rediculous. She's growing up, I accept that but we never talk anymore, she never wants to do anything or go anywhere. We used to horse ride together but even that's a fight now.
I see my friend laughing and joking with her 17 yr old and just feel devastated.
If I say anything (I've never let on how bad I feel but kinda scratched the top once or twice" I'm emotional and need to sort myself out (her and husbands opinion)
I don't want my little girl back I just want my daughter back. I'm happy to drive her to parties, I'm not wanting to stay home and bake cupcakes I just miss her.

Let her go. She will return in a few years. I speak from experience here.

We currently have 2 of our dc 23 and 27 at home😖. However l don't just mean she will return home, l meant she will come back to you as a young adult in her early 20s

Ride it out. She'll come back to you I guarantee it.

Ditto the others. She'll be back.

It might help to think of it as evidence of good patenting - she has the confidence to go it alone. Its your role as a mother to raise her so that she can manage without you. I read something a psychologist wrote about this - about how breaking attachments was a healthy thing. Dont try to force it and no doubt you will have a great relationship again -once she has "proven" to herself she doesn't "need" you, she will spend time with you because she wants to. That's the gist of what the psych was saying.

Parenting even!

What salt said. Also you may have to revise your ideas as to what constitutes quality time and communication. Companionable silence is often a good way to go with teenagers. Driving her to parties can equate to quality time spent together. Sitting in the same room while she is watching something you're not terribly interested in can be communication. The less you pile the pressure on, the better the chances that something good will grow out of it.

I have a 16yo who does not share a single interest with me: everything I like bores him stiff, if he joins us on a day out it will be under duress and generally so as not to offend elderly relatives. But I like him, I like spending time with him, even if it is only snatched moments, and I rather think he feels the same. I haven't lost him: he is just growing into himself and it is my job to get to know that self.

That made me cry. In a good way. Thank you. You have a great way with words. Is this your profession?

I can understand what you are saying OP. My dd17 never wants to spend any time with me or her family. She spends most of her time out with her boyfriend, at his house or out with friends and when at home spends all of her time in her room. I'm not expecting to be best mates or to be hanging out with her all the time but its just a bit sad (and I'm over emotional )

What salt and cory said. Also, non-verbal communication when you get the chance - a kiss on the top of the head when she's at the table, a pat on the knee before she gets out of the car, even a tickle if you think you can get away with it. Try not to seem as though you want anything in return and gradually she'll come to enjoy the unconditional love behind it. "I'm happy to see you", "I love that smile", "you're so funny" - little mum compliments that you can deploy without needing a reply. Feels a bit odd to start with but it does gradually chip away at that teenage mask. Hang in there OP.