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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

18 yr old playing up

20 replies

Password9 · 19/04/2017 20:47

My sons suddenly become certain he does not want to move to the new home im renovating. Ive.been working on it a year now. It was supposed to be for the better off the whole family. Better area. Off street parking. Gardens. All new and clean. Summer house too. But he is refusing to move and thinks can make it on his own. His a full time student. I wondering if I should get him a room let and let him go. See how long he lasts on his own. Any thoughts on this method. Give him £20 a week to live on. Same as would have on benefits.

OP posts:
sheepskinshrug · 19/04/2017 21:14

Not sure why you would get him a room let and give him £20 a week - that's not "making it on your own"...that's being "funded by your parents".
If you're are both happy with that arrangement be realistic about what it is.

AntigoneJones · 19/04/2017 21:17

let him move into a shared house with some other students then...? If he is a full time student, then he will be getting loans or allowance anyway wont he?
what does benefits have to do with it? He is a student so would not get them anyway. Plus they are more than twenty quid.

hugoagogo · 19/04/2017 21:18

How far away is the new house?
What is he studying? Would he to change where he studies/have a long commute?

lucie1919 · 19/04/2017 21:30

Personally, I would tell him he's welcome to move out but you won't be paying for anything. Then he has a choice, he is an adult and if he truly feels he can make it alone he must get a job and pay his rent. I just wish I could do this with mine sadly I've got another 7 months until he's an adult. Confused

Original poster
Password9 · 19/04/2017 21:48

New place is about .7 miles away so not far. If he rented a room himself and moved out he would get housing benefit and income support. Thing is I dont think he would last that long. So he would claim £120 a week in total and a,room is £100. Id rather pay the money than him claim.

OP posts:
lucie1919 · 19/04/2017 21:50

He won't get anything if he's a student I'm afraid. There are very strict rules about this usually only disabled and single parents can get benefits while studying.

BlessYourCottonSocks · 19/04/2017 21:56

18 is an adult in my book. You can live with us if you like - or feel free to move out and upwards matey. Pay your own way, and spread those wings! I wouldn't fund anything for him, however.

I did actually leave home in my teens - but I had a job and I paid my own rent/bills. The idea that I could have expected a penny from my parents was laughable.

SoloDance · 19/04/2017 21:59

Don't most students live away from home? Is he at university?

AntigoneJones · 19/04/2017 22:00

! If he rented a room himself and moved out he would get housing benefit and income support "

are you sure that full time students can claim this?

SoloDance · 19/04/2017 22:01

He wouldnt be able to claim benefits if he's a student. Does he have a student loan?

Original poster
Password9 · 19/04/2017 22:07

Aged 18-21 liveing away from family in full time education not advanced can claim income support. His not asking for money. I thinking off offering. As I really dont think he would last long lol.

OP posts:
kateclarke · 19/04/2017 22:29

I really don't think he would get benefits would he?
If that were possible loads of people would do it.

AntigoneJones · 19/04/2017 22:39

ah so he is not a uni student , he is still in FE/school.
Well then yes he could get £30 a fortnight I think...plus HB.

hugoagogo · 20/04/2017 07:03

When is the planned move?
If he is doing a levels, then the next couple of months are very stressful and important in his life and a house move of any sort at this time will make things much worse!
You say he 'playing up' you haven't really explained in what way- if he just doesn't want to move in his last ever term at school then he would have a fair point. I presume there is much more going on?

Boooooom · 20/04/2017 07:08

You don't sound very supportive of your son (who is trying to become an adult)
'I don't think he would last long lol'
Lol?
Obviously we don't know how he has been 'playing up' but let him go! He's 18!

Ecureuil · 20/04/2017 07:10

What's his proposed solution to the problem?

corythatwas · 20/04/2017 10:13

I understand that you don't want to fund a more expensive way of living, but why this gleeful insistence that an 18yo won't last long on on his own. Wasn't it your job to prepare him for adult life?

And if he is just sitting his A-levels, I quite see why he doesn't want the upheaval of a house move just now. Most families try to arrange their lives so there is as little distraction as possible during these months. Once he has passed his A-levels, it is reasonable for him to look at independence anyway.

everymummy · 21/04/2017 16:25

I would just nod and go along with it. There is a world of difference between a teenager saying they are going to do something and them actually doing that thing.

I wouldn't encourage him to rent a room as presumably he has exams coming up and is better of at home with your support.

Don't give him any money or help him to organise it - if he wants to be independent he can do that himself.

I'm sure you've already done this, but try to identify his problem with moving to the new house.

blueskyinmarch · 21/04/2017 16:35

I think if he was mine I would say 'that's fine' every time he says he isn't moving with you and wants to go it alone. Don't get caught up in any discussion about it. Make it very clear that this is absolutely fine with you but you are going to do nothing to help or facilitate it. I guarantee you he will be moving with you when you move. Smile

DixieNormas · 21/04/2017 16:35

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