17 year old daughter with 25 man

[user1491759226]

I have just found out that my 17 year old daughter is going out with a local 25 year old. I feel the age gap is way to big at her age.

He does seem a very sensible person, he owns his own successful business although still living with parents.

I just think that at their ages they cannot possibly have anything in common, they haven't shared the same live experiences, they'll soon want different things etc. I can only think he's with her for one reason!

If she was 22 left uni etc or he was younger I wouldn't have a problem.

I'm concerned that she'll get hurt, pregnant or that even if they are truly in love that she'll end up growing up too quickly and miss out on what girls her age do, university, traveling, building a career.

I know its only 8 years difference but its the difference between him being at an age where he must be thinking about starting a family, marriage etc and her starting out in life.

I don't know what to do, do I let them get on with it or should I try to explain my above concerns at the risk of pushing them together?

When I was 20 my bf was 29 and he was lovely. We didn't last but it was nothing to do with the age gap.

He seems like he has his head screwed on? There are probably lots of 17 year olds who would be far less "suitable".

I would just watch and wait and see how it goes. There is probably verblittle you can do about it anyway without driving a wedge between you and dd. Just let her know you are always there for her whatever.

At 17, I had a 30 year old boyfriend. My parents started out by really opposing the relationship which meant I just wanted him more. They then changed tack and welcomed him into the family, they still hated him but hid it. Maybe you need to play the long game here. Make him part of your family - he may run a mile!

I think you just have to let them get on with it. One of my friends from school started seeing a 32 year old when she was 16. Most of us were however 16 years on they're happily married with 2 young children. I was only 21 when I married DH (who was 29) so similar age gap. I think it's more to do with the maturity of the individuals involved.

I can imagine I would have rebelled massively had I been banned from seeing my BF, who knows what the result would have been but as it is I have a good relationship with my parents still.

I do (now that I have teenagers) wonder what on earth they were thinking though, I'm sure I would struggle to be so liberal....

Actually I had lots of age gap relationships.

17 & 26, 18 & 25, 20 & 29

The other men I have dated since then have all been roughly my own age.

None have them have ever felt that different to me in their values and interests.

Perhaps men do more growing up in their late twenties whereas women do things differently?

In fact between big relationships I have dated/had casual things with one or two slightly younger guys - which were a lot of "fun" (😳) but that was just what I was looking for at the time...

My parents banned me from seeing my 27 year old boyfriend when I was 17. That was 25 years ago and we recently celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. Telling us we couldn't see each other just pushed us closer together so I agree with pp that that is probably not a good approach to take. I would say it absolutely depends on the individuals concerned though; it worked for us but for others it would not. I still went to university, got a phd, travelled and established a successful career before having children. The only difference between me and my peers was I was in a LTR from an earlier age than most of them. A positive of this was the stability and security my relationship gave me while I negotiated my way through my phd and the more uncertain years of my early career.

No point in panicking, it won't change anything. Be there so that if the shit hits the fan you are at least able to swoop in. It's not necessarily a disaster

I met my DH when I was 17, he was 28. We've been together for nearly 20 years, married for 14 and have 2 beautiful DDs. I still did everything I wanted to - graduated through work-based qualifications with a postgraduate diploma, have travelled internationally with my job, bought our first property together etc. Like any married couple we've had ups and downs but the age gap has never been an issue. As someone else said all you can do is support your daughter so she knows she can turn to you if anything does go wrong in her relationship or in life in general. And if it does work out then that can only be a positive thing! If it's not the right relationship she will be much more likely to admit that sooner if she knows her mum is there for her no matter what (rather than potentially staying in a less than perfect relationship to try and prove a point as some teenagers might)!