SUPER-SENSITIVE 12YR OLD DS FEIGNING ILLNESS TO GET OFF SCHOOL

[tibsy]

Hi dont usually post for ds but dd (6mnths) re. lack of sleep, but am getting a bit desperate.
DS is a lovely lad and appears to be popular but doesnt have a particular 'best friend', just lads he hangs out with at school and occasionally after school. he seems quite content with his own company.
our problem is, he's SO sensitive about things and despite his dad and i continually telling him how clever, funny, gorgeous etc he is, in an attempt to bolster his confidence and self esteem, nothing seems to be working.
this a.m, he pretended that he had an upset stomach to stay off school. i knew he hadnt. when we got to the bottom of it, it turns out that he didnt want to go to school because he was told that someone had started a rumour that he had measured his willy at school! it was so hard to keep a straight face but i did because i know things like that are embarassing at his age. his dad told him he should have retorted with 'yeah and it measured 12inches, so what'!
i just dont know what to do with him as this has happened before over other things and he just feels that everyone is out to get him. in some ways, he reminds me a lot of myself at his age and i just hate the thought of him feeling that way.
sorry its such a long post and tia

Sorry, Tibsy, I don't have the answer but just wanted you to know you're not alone.

My ds is also 12 and sounds a lot like yours in that although he had a very close friend from the first day of primary, this friendship ended on the last day of primary when the friend started touching my ds "down there" and kept trying to grope him on further occasions. My ds is now worried that he may be gay and it's had a devastating effect on his self esteem and confidence.

All that on top of starting secondary has not been easy and although he is starting to make a little group of friends, now has no best friend, like your ds.

It sounds like you're doing everything you can, but I know I've started wondering if my ds would benefit by talking to a counsellor and I've heard hypnotherapy or selfhypnosis can be helpful. Getting my ds to agree to go may be a struggle!

I think there is a tendency for even the sunniest tempered boys to go through this phase of lacking in confidence and all we can really do is point out all the good things, praise them when they do something good (eg this morning, my ds behaved sensitively to a friend's relative poverty by avoiding telling him about some new stuff he'd bought, and I praised him for that).

Also, as others have said on this section, pick your battles. It's all to easy to criticise them 20 times a day, some of them (certainly my ds) are such airheads.

I'm finding teenage angst much harder to deal with that any of the toddler tantrums, and feel that the main thing is to let them know that you're always there for them, and nothing they say can shock you.

Good luck.

CHILDREN ARE SO CRUEL MY DS IS VERY SENSATIVE TOO HE 13 HE TAKES EVERYTHING TO HEART HE TRIES TO HIDE HOW HE FEELS AND IT COMES OUT IN A MOOD OUTBURST THEN TEARS AND EVENTUALLY TELLS US WAT BOTHERING HIM, I JUST REMIND HIM HOW SPECIAL HE IS AND THAT HE NOT TO LISTEN TO THEM . THEY ONLY JELOUS AS HE A HANSOME CHAPPY XXXXXX

thanks to you both and mumblechum re. ds' and his friend. kt36, we have the tears too.
i just find that they are such a worry and its hard not to start blaming yourself, (mothers guilt i suppose)
will look in to this section of mn again i think as is nice to talk to other mums going thru the same sort of thing
thanks again

I was going to post a similar story. DS is 13 and very sensitive. Today he came home from school in tears after being told some boys from another school were going to wait outside school for him and beat him up

I can remember this kind of talk when I was young and nothing ever happened but when you are 13 it is scary.

saffy202 its a job to know what to do for the best isnt it? on the one hand, my natural instinct is to give him big hugs, loves etc and i do, but i just wonder how to help him to 'toughen up' a bit (for want of a better expression). then i think, why the hell should he just because there are some children who seem intent on making others' lives miserable? makes me so and also

I'd also just remind them that there is always people to talk to in school if they have any worries (form tutor etc). I'm a TA in a Secondary school & see allsorts + a few sensitive types in Year 7 - I think basically because everything is new & the school is bigger, with bigger kids etc - it's bound to knock their confidence

This is so sad. When you have a lovely sensitive boy and his "friends" damage him by stupid stories.

DS1 is 13 and in Y8 at school. He had a terrible time with bullying in primary and we ended up pulling him out of school part way through Y6. His self-esteem was shattered and I only found out by chance that he'd wanted to kill himself.

He is now doing really well in school, has made some lovely friends (although no particular "best" friend). There was one incident which I felt was bordering on bullying by a group of boys so I contacted the Head of Lower School who is also in charge of pastoral care. She dealt with the situation very promptly and effectively and he is still very happy at school.

My advice is to contact the school about this and ask for them to deal with it under pastoral care. The school has a duty to nurture the children in its care not only from an educational perspective, but also emotionally and socially.