DD worried about the future. What's the answer?

[SnookieSnooks]

DD (14) said to me last night that she is worried about the stress of GCSEs and A Levels, then becoming a student and getting into debt and then, after all that, being able to afford somewhere to live. I feel so sorry for her. These are legitimate fears. She is very bright and should get a good degree. We live in the London area.

What can I say to make her feel better?

Tell her that at a very least she has an advantage of being able to live with you when she gets her first job and will therefore as of prices today save around £600 pm. All of her friends will be doing the same so she won't feel the odd one out.

My dd is in y 1 of uni she lives 3 hour by car from home, we are also in London area. We went through the same decision process. She decided she is going to uni at the age your dd is. Decided that she is capable of getting 2:1 or a first. On top of that dd got diagnosed with diabetes T1 in December and this put everything in perspective. She has to put up with tiredness which is probably caused by her Thyroid problems but has not been confirmed yet.
As long as she finds a course which interests her your dd will be able to do well and find satisfying job afterwards.
She will learn to live on her own and manage her money. She will study a subject she is interested in and meet people who share her passion her in the process.

Tell her it's OK to worry and in fact if she didn't worry it would be very unusual. All my dd's friends are worried about loans and future prospects but they work hard too. My dd opted for a course with a year in industry so that she will be in a good position showing a year of experience in industry when applying for her first job. In her course 60% of them on an average are offered job in the place where they placement took place.

Take each day as it comes - acknowledge her concerns - of course she's not ready to go through all the life events she's concerned about. When she was 5 years old - she wasn't capable of writing an essay, walking to school alone, making a cup of tea etc but she gained skill and maturity and now can do loads of things without even giving it a second thought. When the time comes - she'll be ready.

Exactly what lottachocca said. Point out to her that it won't be her- as she is now- doing all these things but a different, more experienced her. Point out that there is lots of fun to be had as a young adult and that she will have far more choice than she does now about what she actually does.

I would say that she has a lot more control over her future than she thinks. That all we read and hear about is the negative but the majority students manage without getting into debts, get a good job after they graduate and look back and realise it was all worth it.

Such good advice! I am going through the same with my DD16 and will be borrowing some of your wise words! Many thanks!

Also my daughter was really worried about uni costs until you look at it as a tax rather than a debt. You don't pay until you earn an 'ok' amount and then it's taken direct from wages. It's not ideal but it definitely feels less of a burden.

Growing up is (& all these types of challenges are) hard but if other people can do it successfully, so can she.

I could have written that and feel a bit sad when I hear my 16 yo DS say it. We try to encourage him not to think too far into the future, yes it's good to have a plan but concentrate on getting some good GCSEs then work on getting your A levels and see where life takes you.

DS has said that everyone expects him to be grown up now that he is 16 but in many ways he still feels like a child and as parents we have to sometimes acknowledge that its a difficult age and these worries are very real to them.

I also tell DS that he is a bright, caring, loveable lad and he always will be no matter how things turn out. He sometimes needs reminding that he has a lot going for him that has nothing to do with academic achievements.

16 year olds DS speaks like this. Thank you for all your advic

*advice