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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS age 14 drank alcohol on school trip

14 replies

Marmar76 · 01/04/2017 23:13

Hi. I'm new to mumsnet but have joined to ask for advice about my son who is 14 and the youngest of three.
He is currently on a school trip overseas and I received a message from the staff to say he'd been drinking alcohol. How do I deal with this? He's due home tomorrow.
For information - for the past year we've been having problems with him (not sure if he is struggling with general teen angst or if there's more to it) but he works hard and school and enjoys sports.
Any advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:
LornaD40 · 01/04/2017 23:23

Are the school sanctioning him for it?

Original poster
Marmar76 · 01/04/2017 23:30

I don't know yet. As they're overseas I just got a brief text message saying he'd been drinking alcohol and that the alcohol was disposed of and he was safe. It's now Easter holidays so I don't know if there will be some sort of punishment next term.
Am not looking forward to seeing the teachers tomorrow when I pick him up!

OP posts:
AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 01/04/2017 23:33

I think it would depend on the amount and circumstances. FWIW I drank quite a bit on a German exchange, aged 15. My parents were very relaxed though and I grew up thinking of alcohol as normal (but not excessive amounts) so I have let my son drink whenever he has asked, which is quite rare. He doesn't go mad and is very sensible.

LovingLola · 01/04/2017 23:34

When mine went on school trips it was made very clear before hand that alcohol consumption and drug use would be very severely sanctioned. Have you been in contact with your son?

llangennith · 01/04/2017 23:35

They're duty bound to tell you and you'll need to give him a bollocking but it's not the end of the world.

TitaniasCloset · 01/04/2017 23:36

My dd did this at that age. Definitely punish him when he comes home and have the talk, but don't stress yourself too much.

Original poster
Marmar76 · 01/04/2017 23:36

Recently he has been asking when I will allow him to drink alcohol. I know he has a group chat with friends called The Drinking Club. Not sure if he's trying to be cool or to fit in or to block out his worries. I am very concerned about him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Marmar76 · 01/04/2017 23:39

And no, I haven't been in touch with him - though he has sent a couple of photos of the trip to the family, as though nothing has happened.

OP posts:
lottachocca · 03/04/2017 09:44

I experimented with alcohol from the age 13 - then got a bit bored with it. I think the school will punish him because that's what schools do and you need to talk to him because he won't stop experimenting just because you punish him - he'll just get better at lying to you.

FernetBranca · 03/04/2017 10:01

I think there are several different issues.i would definitely want to know more about the context. My DS is going on a school trip next week and we have had a behavioural contract to sign, which we have to for every trip. I've also told him that any arsing around will likely be come down on like a ton of bricks and punishments magnified (interestingly we had a chat about why, and he quite understood about reputation of the school, how the teachers have lots of dc to deal with etc.)

So I would assume that there will be very heavy sanctions from the school. Personally, I would be v cross with DS for breaking the trip rules. The alcohol itself I'm less fussed about (depending on the context). I would have some sympathy if it was not very much alcohol and peer pressure was involved - I know the school would have a zero tolerance policy whereas I would not see one of those small bottles of continental beer or a glass of wine as the end of the world. But if it involved other stuff such as drunkenness, putting people in a difficult situation, lying, pre-planning or damage I would be imposing my own sanctions as well.

Bit rambling. In summary I would expect the school to impose strong sanctions (which I would support), but I'd find out the details before I decided how cross I was personally.

xStefx · 03/04/2017 10:04

Oh god I remember going to Belgium with my school at that age, Me and my friends climbed out of the window and got served alcohol in the shop down the street. The whole was class was sooo drunk in their separate rooms, the teachers didn't find out in the night but found the empty bottles the next morning and went mad.
I don't drink now, cant handle my drink at all. Parents were told but apart from being grounded and the class not being allowed on future school trips no one else was involved.

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 03/04/2017 10:41

We went to Spain with school aged 14 and were all drinking every night but no-one got over the top drunk so teachers never really noticed. DD went to Alton towers about the same age and some lads had coke bottles with booze - they left at 2am and said boys were p*ssed when they arrived at the park! They were not allowed on any rides and spent the whole day sat on the grass with everyone looking and sniggerring. They all said it was the worst day of their lives and would never do it again. So I think its fairly common to be honest. Good luck.

lottachocca · 03/04/2017 11:31

I remember a teacher going ape about a boy drinking Top Deck shandy on a school trip - we were all highly amused.

Original poster
Marmar76 · 08/04/2017 22:10

Thanks for all your replies. DH said he got totally drunk on a school trip at the same age so felt he couldn't reprimand DS too much.

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