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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS3 (17) and his gf (16) quick yes or no please

26 replies

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 12/03/2017 10:29

You'd have thought by DS3 I'd have got the hang of parenting teenagers but it appears not.

DS3's gf coming over the day. He's 17, she's 16. I know they'll want to spend time in his bedroom with door shut 'watching films on his laptop'.

Do I let them??

They are in a long standing relationship 1+ year, but because they are at school together and see each other 6 days a week, plus we live far apart, they don't see each other at the others house much. In fact, he's only been to her house once briefly.

Anyway, would you let them get on with whatever they are planning?

OP posts:
CaptainBraandPants · 12/03/2017 10:33

Yes.
Although this is all still hypothetical for me as DS15 is still at the "All girls are yucky stage". Grin

Rockandrollwithit · 12/03/2017 10:36

Yes.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 12/03/2017 10:36

Tell him you expect them to have lunch at the table /other room - if they know they have to face you across the table they may behave!!

Original poster
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 12/03/2017 10:37

Thanks Captain. DS2 was like your ds, he's just started going out with his first girlfriend at 18 at uni. It's much easier when they aren't interested! Ds1 left home at 16 (although back home at 21), so didn't need to deal with anything at home with him either.

OP posts:
Giraffesaretootall · 12/03/2017 10:37

Yes I would.

Original poster
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 12/03/2017 10:40

Good idea Wish. 😀. His bedrooms in a strange place as well, kind of central to the house.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 12/03/2017 10:42

I'm pleased people are saying it's ok. I don't really want to police them at that age. We did have the sex chats a couple of years ago, but he's quite private (unlike ds1 who tells us waaayyy too much) and unlikely to open up with us about anything personal.

Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
frenchfancy · 14/03/2017 08:50

Both over 16 so I would allow it. But I agree with the idea of meals at the table with the rest of the family.

senua · 14/03/2017 08:53

keep popping in with laundry, cups of tea, ... Grin

user1487519954 · 14/03/2017 08:57

I'd say make them leave the door ajar - they get some privacy but not enough for anything to "happen"

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 14/03/2017 08:59

Yes and if they feel awkward at you being home, too bad.

greeeen · 14/03/2017 08:59

Yes I would as both over 16.

Isadora2007 · 14/03/2017 09:42

Yes. I'd let them get on with it. Thigh make sure he has condoms. 😳

Isadora2007 · 14/03/2017 09:43

Thigh? No... though!!

Sparklingbrook · 14/03/2017 09:45

Yes. Plus let them have the door shut and don't pop in at all.

Original poster
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 14/03/2017 12:13

Ooh thanks for the other replies. They ended up going out shopping 😀. But next time she's over I'll leave them to it.

OP posts:
Lartma2 · 17/03/2017 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

musicposy · 17/03/2017 18:37

Yes. DD is 17 and her bf 16, so ages the other way round, also long term. They were together when she was 15 and him 14, and right up until he was 16 I made them keep the door ajar - and interrupted them fairly frequently for spurious reasons!
Nowadays the door is closed and I leave them to it. He also often stays over. It used to be on the sofabed downstairs but now it seems to be in her room. I don't ask or check what they're doing any more. They're both over the age of consent and in a long term loving relationship, so I don't consider it my business.

musicposy · 17/03/2017 18:50

Lartma if you didn't know what they were doing before finding the condom packet they were obviously discreet, so what's the issue?
The sentence about her not shagging your son is not very kind - As you say yourself it takes two. Very unfair to blame the girlfriend.

I think with this attitude you risk driving them away elsewhere. DD's boyfriend's parents are much stricter than us and would also hit the roof at anything like this - the result being they spend all their time at ours. If we were strict too, they'd just be out in a park somewhere. Of course, you are quite within your rights to say what does and doesn't happen in your home, but it's worth thinking of the consequences of that stance, especially as without having gone into his room you'd never have known.

It's perfectly reasonable to insist there is no evidence of them having sex when other family members are at home. If I heard any noises etc there would be words. But other than that, I wouldn't personally drive them away by trying to over-control them at this age. They're legally entitled to make the choice to have sex and are nearly adults. Whatever they're going to do, they're going to do anyway.

SailAwaySailAwaySailAway · 17/03/2017 18:53

I'd ask what the arrangements are at her house OP.

vaginasuprise · 17/03/2017 19:01

We've always been very open and frank about sex, no ' not in my house'. I know at 16 my DSs were having sex in their own rooms just as they knew DP and I were at it in ours. We all respect each other's privacy, if the bedroom door is closed it's for a reason.

I bought the condoms in bulk from Amazon.

Floofborksnootandboop · 17/03/2017 19:01

Lartma2 Seriously Hmm You're comments about her are unkind and unnecessary and you are majorly over reacting! My sons and their girlfriends have done a lot worse than discreetly having sex while others were in the house and I wouldn't even dream of talking about them like that.

Lartma2 · 17/03/2017 20:21

Thanks for that. I have only given vent to these inappropriate thoughts here, probably in an attempt not to air them anywhere else. Sorry to have offended. I have, of course, kept my thoughts to myself for the very reason that I don't wish to drive my son away. I did also say that he is just as responsible, and I am certainly not saying it's her fault. I am a calm and reasonable person although I can see my post clearly doesn't indicate that!

TwentyCups · 17/03/2017 20:25

If you have sex in your house when others are in then you can't hold them to different standards. So long as everyone is old enough and they are discreet. If more people let long term teenage partners stay over they would do it when everyone else is asleep with no risk of interruption!

Lasagna · 18/03/2017 14:56

My sons and their girlfriends have done a lot worse than discreetly having sex while others were in the house and I wouldn't even dream of talking about them like that.

This ^
I've been sat it the lounge and have had to listen to DS2 and his girlfriend haveing inappropriately loud sex 2 floors up before, which j did have words with his about after, and I can't stand his girlfriend yet I never said those horrible things about her like you have.

She clearly wants you to like her and maybe she's just shy.