My wonderful boy is struggling with depression

[user1488769604]

Hello
I am new to mumsnet in fact I don't usually do any of this sort of thing but I have been desperate to get some advice from parents who have been through something similar. My clever, funny and loving 16 year old boy went to a teacher at school about 6 weeks ago to say he felt suicidel. Although he has had periods of low mood in the past this came out of the blue, he had appeared to be doing better. He has a small group of very good friends who although he doesn't see all the time he is close to. He had just started seeing a lovely boy and they seemed to be happy. This relationship ended yesterday and although I don't know the details my son was becoming rather demanding and clingy in an insecure kind of way. The other boys parents also told their son that they didn't like him and thought he was a bad influence which obviously wasn't helpful.
Some days he appears well and happy and other days he struggles to get out of bed. Generally he does eat, sleep and go to school but the slightest thing really hits him hard. I am very worried as to how he will cope with breaking up with his boyfriend.
He has starting seeing a specialist nurse but finds the ordeal of talking to her as difficult as anything else. He has told her he always feels low and things of suicide. I have found notes in his room about dying.
I don't know how to help him.
I would really like to hear from anyone who has been through something similar and come out the other side.

Hello
I'm so sorry that your lovely boy is going through this.

My ds, who is now 20, suffered from depression when he was 17/18. It was a very difficult time for him.and for us. He was very difficult to live with as he was also very hostile towards us. His school referred him to CAMHS but he refused to attend the appointments.

He did agree to see the GP and was prescribed anti depressants, which helped. However, he spent a period of about 9 months not functioning properly, not really getting out of bed, not seeing any friends, and I was seriously worried about him. He was also expressing suicidal thoughts and phoned the Samaritans on at least two occasions that I'm aware of.

He eventually came out of it when he left school and got a job - somthing I didn't think would happen, to be honest. I couldn't see him.being employable but in fact he was much better when working. He went to work every single day, although he had hardly ever attended school in the preceding year. He's now been working for two years, is very sociable, goes out with all his mates and is also lovely to live with.

Your ds is going through the trauma of a broken relationship, which at 16 probably seems like the end of the road. I think all you can do is be there for him, and try to reassure him that it will be ok. He probably won't believe you though. I would also stronly advocate getting support from CAMHS. Although my ds wouldn't go I've got friends whose children have benefitted from it.

Good luck

I was horribly depressed aged 16-18 OP. What sorted me out was also a job and my beloved drama group.

But the things which got me well enough to tackle those things were simply walking my sister's dog and painting.

Can you help and encourage your son to take some walks with you? Perhaps if he hasn't, a dog might help.

I forgot to add, excersise is very powerful when it comes to beating depression. Walking alone did it for me.

I would get him an apt with cahms asap. And possibly look to get anti depressants. My daughter went through this last year and since the tablets she has got loads better with the low moods and is a lot more positive. She is also having CBT which has helped.
Is he struggling with anything atall at school? I would try to get feed back from form teacher email his subject teachers see how he's doing if he's struggling with anything.
Also try to get feed back from the mums of his friends how his friends are finding him and if they have picked up on him worrying about anything. Good luck. You sound a big support. It's so hard. But they do get better. But keep close eye on him. x

Get him looking forward to things. Book a holiday , cinema stint. Time out with friends. Get him into a hobbie or sport. Something he's good at which will help with his confidence and esteem. X

I think good nutritious food, bed early and loads of exercise....and for the mind have you considered meditation? I think many people have an unhealthy approach to thoughts and emotions and they feed the emotions with negative thoughts, the emotions become more raw and the thoughts feed them again.
The turning point for me was to stopping feeding the emotions with negative thoughts....meditation helps with this....if they'll do it. I know ds has a tendency towards this kind of thinking and it's taken nearly 6 months of talking (gently) about the inner voice that can be very destructive and cause huge mental problems for him to start addressing it, he downloaded the Headspace app and has started meditating.

Thank you so much for taking time to reply. I will try some of your ideas. It is so reassuring here from people who have been through similar things. Thanks again.

Ah great idea about head space. We're getting this for dd as she's not sleeping well. Great advise there too.
Good luck for him OP come back and ask anytime. Pm too if need be. 💐 X