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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

are the friends of my kids parents going to hate this?

31 replies

tatt · 02/03/2007 22:18

my daughter wants to have a sleepover with her friends on her birthday. It is a tradition that a family friend stays with us on the kids birthdays. The only choices for him to sleep are upstairs in her bedroom or downstairs - and the girls will be in the living room next door.

Would you be upset if your teenage daughter was sleeping in a house with a strange man in the room next door? Should I ask him to sleep upstairs, even though he'd have to sleep in a cabin bed? It is a full size cabin bed. I feel he may be a bit insulted if I do ask but that the girls parents may be unhappy if I don't.

Should say that we've known this man since we were all young. There's never been any sign of an unhealthy interest in young girls (or boys).

OP posts:
Original poster
tatt · 02/03/2007 23:28

got that heading a bit wrong, was supposed to be the parents of my kid's friends. Still perhaps people will be so irritated by it they'll reply!

OP posts:
LaDiDaDi · 02/03/2007 23:33

I think the only way he is likely to get any sleep is if he's upstairs and well out of hearshot of a group of giggly gossipy girls.

wotzsaname · 02/03/2007 23:36

second vote for upstairs.

JanH · 02/03/2007 23:41

How about if he comes the next day instead? Your DD is going to be far too busy with her friends to pay him much/any attention!

AngharadGoldenhand · 03/03/2007 00:09

Vote for next day too.

Sometimes traditions have to change.

mumeeee · 03/03/2007 00:09

I agree he should sleep upstairs. I also agree with JanH that it would be better for him to come the next day. I know my teenagers would not want to bother with a friend of the family when they have got their friends round for a birthday sleepover and they would probably be embarresed by it.

jampot · 03/03/2007 00:09

why not just change your tradition? Presumably she used to want to spend her birthday with this family friend but in typical teenage fashion is now choosing her friends. Why do you have him to stay over on birthdays? just out of curiosity

FWIW I would ask him to sleep upstairs - ff slept in my dd's cabin bed and i think she was ok

chenin · 03/03/2007 08:41

Good grief... can we not have a male family friend to stay without questioning ourselves about 'unhealthy interests in young children.'?

What has the world come to... it would never ever occur to me to think along those lines and I find it a bit sad that other people do. How would you justify to him that he had to sleep upstairs... would you explain your reasons?

It would not worry me one jot that he was staying for those reasons. However, it might spoil your DDs sleepover with regard to noise and fun etc and for that reason, and that reason only, I would put him off.

edam · 03/03/2007 08:50

Agree with hellie.

Hulababy · 03/03/2007 08:55

I'd suggest sleeping upstairs simply as he'd get more sleep that way rather than next door to a bunch of teenagers!

The fact that there was a man in the house wouldn't be an issue for me.

DimpledThighs · 03/03/2007 08:57

agree with hellie whole heartedly - can we not have unknown men inthe vicinity of young girls? Do we change family traditions to comply with paed hysteria?

chenin · 03/03/2007 09:00

If the chap staying and he had those sort of tendencies... he wouldn't be able to get within yards of a group of silly giggling girls anyway!

I can just imagine the conversation asking him to sleep upstairs.... "Oi, Fred, any chance you could sleep in the cabin bed cos I'm a bit worried you might have a fiddle with those teens next door and just to save you from yourself, upstairs for you it is... cos that'll sort your urges out..."

chenin · 03/03/2007 09:03

I feel very sorry for men sometimes....

harpsichordcarrier · 03/03/2007 09:18

absolutely no reason to change your traditions or his sleeping arrangements imho

AngharadGoldenhand · 03/03/2007 09:20

The op asked if it might upset her dd's friends' parents.

It would put me off my dd going to a sleepover in these circumstances, however fgs you happen to find that.

harpsichordcarrier · 03/03/2007 09:42

that there was a man in the house? an old family friend who has been known to the family for years and years since they were all young?
why is this any different to the girl's father? or mother for that matter?

codswallop · 03/03/2007 09:53

why dos he have to ocme on the kdis birthdays
fakring odd imo

codswallop · 03/03/2007 09:53

i do so hate manutfatured traditions

chenin · 03/03/2007 10:00

So when we have a birthday party for our DDs, we are not allowed to have men in the house other than fathers?!!

codswallop · 03/03/2007 10:01

i htink the issue is him being in the altogether
id be mro concerneed baotu him being kept awake all night

chenin · 03/03/2007 10:05

Well, I would want to put him off cos they want to have a girlie sleepover and the noise is bound to disturb him. But no other reason....

If my DDs were going to a sleepover it wouldn't occur to me to ask what men there were going to be in the house other than the father... and if there was anyone else, to stop her going...

Original poster
tatt · 03/03/2007 10:49

Thanks. He lives a long distance away, hence the need to stay overnight. As one of our oldest friends he comes to stay at weekends several times a year. When the kids were small it was a great help having a 3rd adult to help lay out food, provide drinks and so on so he always came birthday weekends. They didn't generally sleep over and by the time they did he knew most of the parents. We've moved house so no longer have a spare room upstairs and he's not known to most of the parents now. He does know some of the girls who have been around at weekends when he's been here.

I tried suggesting he wouldn't get any sleep downstairs but he says he can sleep anywhere. Think I'm going to have to ask him to sleep upstairs.

OP posts:
jampot · 03/03/2007 11:59

tatt where do you think he should sleep and why?

Original poster
tatt · 04/03/2007 10:55

I thought it might embarrass one or two of the girls if he was around when they were in their nightwear. Some of them have pretty skimpy nightwear. Didn't think it would matter too much as it wasn't any different to my husband being around. They are probably still wearing more than they would on a beach.

Reading some of the mumsnet threads has made me more aware of how sensitive some parents can be. And of the need to ensure that decent men are safe from criticism.

I wouldn't stop my daughter (or son) going on a sleepover in a similar position but I do make sure they both have sensible pyjamas to wear.

OP posts:
jampot · 05/03/2007 22:40

tatt - just out of curiosity if you wouldnt have a problem with your children going to a sleepover in similar circumstances why would you ensure they have sensible pjs?

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