How do you tell 'ordinary teen behaviour' from something more worrying?

[CosyLulu]

I've been worried about dd for about 9 months now. She had some issues at her school and we moved her to another school thinking that might be the end of it but in many ways things have been worse.

She's 14.5, doesn't eat much at all because she says she's not hungry. She is insistent that she is not trying to lose weight and the food she chooses to eat isn't 'diet' food at all. She would live on biscuits and desserts if she could.

She's not interested in socialising except via chatting on the phone in a very limited way. She spends her evenings and weekends watching re-runs of TV shows obsessively and occasionally playing Minecraft. She's stopped reading although she continues to draw - she's always loved art. She has no motivation in her school work at all.

She doesn't tolerate physical contact of any kind where she used to be very cuddly and affectionate. She is distant, uncommunicative, angry and frequently extremely blunt and rude. Now and then we manage a chat but we seem to so chronically misunderstand each other that it's no fun for either of us.

I know that a lot of these things can be put down to being a 'teen' but I feel so worried about her. She's being seen by CAMHS as she has OCD although she says she doesn't want to go any more as she is 'fine'. The trouble is that she says that in furious rage with tears pouring down her cheeks so I am not sure how to take that.

I'm at a loss to know what to do for the best. I've backed off giving her advice, asking questions and confronting her as it is horrendous when I do - arguments, tears, hatred in her eyes. I want to be there for her and help her.

Any advice?

She is 13.

Thanks, Kat. It is helpful to know others have come out of the other side.

Atm I'm just muddling through with no clue if I'm making things better or worse.

i.e do I punish her for not going to school? Or not eating? I work evenings and weekends - I've handed my notice in because I think she needs me at home more often, but what if it goes terribly wrong and we end up much worse off financially than we are now? Will she blame herself and thus make herself sicker?

It's so worrying and isolating dealing with a child with MH problems. Hopefully CAHMS will have some advise, although they're anticipating that it will take her a long time to open up to them so have referred her for long term counselling.

(sorry OP for hijacking your thread)

OP - you could be talking about my dd when you spoke about yours. Mine is 17, but she has been battling depression for approx 4 years now, but we only found out 2 years ago. It has been really hard trying to help her, as she doesn't feel she is worth it. She doesn't want any contact, unless its on her terms. She was always a huggy girl, so full of life and bubbly. Its so sad thats pretty much gone. I am not saying your dd has depression, but she doesn't sound happy. It is good she is under CAHMS, as is my dd. We are trying to get her started on CBT to help learn how to deal with talking to people and do 'normal' things. Just because she started with CAHMS for one thing, doesn't mean they can't help her with anything else that comes up.
I wish you all the best with your dd, and know there are lots of people who are going through just what you are, and are here for you to talk to.