House rules for dd (13) and boyfriend - help!

[GallivantingWildebeest]

Dd has been going out with a boy for 6 weeks. They usually fispear up yo her room, door closed, and kiss. Dd had a rash around her mouth earlier... I have spoken to her, and said the door has to stay open, but what are your house rules? This is all new to us...

Also, we picked up her boyfriend and took him back to ours at 11 today. He just said his mum will come to collect him at 8.30. Dd has school tomorrow So I said 6 would be better - is this reasonable?! Dd not happy but she has to bath, get ready, pack bag, etc.

I have his mum's mobile number but haven't had to text her yet. Dd and bf make their own plans. She just seems v young for all this... How much freedom do your DC have?

Absolutely no way would either of my dd's be upstairs with boys. We have a conservatory which they can use when they have friends over (although I'm fine with girls upstairs) but no way would I be happy with them in a room with the door shut.

And 13 is very young still. Encourage her not to drop her friends and still make time for them too. I know it's first love and all that but it's easy to forget your friends when a boy appears on the scene. Make sure you remind her!

I wasn't criticising but why hint at things. Just say what you mean. I was making a suggestion about the possibility of her jumping out of bed. I didn't say she had.

I think 13 is far too young to be shut in a room with a boy when they are physically close. Door open or in the downstairs room. There. My advice. Oh, and tell her she doesn't get to argue with you about it.

Encourage her not to drop her friends and still make time for them too

Yep, already had that chat! And to be fair to her. she's not dropping her friends.

I let DD 13 go upstairs to loft playroom with her boyfriend 15 and kept going up with no warning to check. No problem just gaming and chatting. Then one day I went up and find them half dressed and up to God knows what. Box of durex on the side. Absolutely furious with both of them and also with myself for being naive. Kicked him out never to return. Marched DD down to pharmacy for morning after pill. (Which she had to pay for)
Rule is now no boys upstairs ever. We have a downstairs study for gaming etc so she goes in there.
I was caught out - they went from literally just chatting and playing mine craft to "experimenting" 10 minutes after I left the room.
So my advice is assume even a 13 year old will do more than kiss especially if the boy is older.... And I thought she was sensible and could be trusted!!

Martha

We had a no boys upstairs rule during the school years. DDs have actually said they found it useful to be able to say that boys were not allowed upstairs as it took the pressure off them, and let them keep their rooms as their personal, safe spaces. My youngest is 18 now but I have always said to them to use me as the excuse if they feel uncomfortable. Now it's more useful when they're driving but that's a whole other problem!

Neither of my kids have boyfriends in their room. You have a spare room downstairs...they can use that.

Thanks, all.

BoobleMcB I think what floof is saying is that the statement that just because she wants to door closed more than kissing is happening is ridiculous, which I agree. Doesn't mean i don't think the door needs to be open, I just highly doubt that wanting privacy must mean they are having sex or will be soon, especially at 13

Our house is small enough that anyone downstairs would have to whisper to not be heard in other rooms so we didn't have a choice but to allow them in the room but he rule always was the door wasn't ever to be fully closed.

Unfortunately for them our cat hate doors closed and all our doors are shit so just a small nudge from the cats opened them.

DS1 (14) has just got a girlfriend, she is 14 too. They meet at the park, swimming yesterday, at the library today etc.

She is welcome here but not upstairs.

Her parents have my mobile but haven't called me, I don't have theirs.