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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Dd over excersing?

25 replies

MummyEire · 18/02/2017 09:33

Dd is 15 and lately she has been obsessed with fitness.

I've noticed she is skipping meals and when she does eat,she will only eat things like fruit,salads and plain pasta.

She dances twice a week and goes horse riding once a week. Now she's started alternating between gym+run, gym+swimming,run+swimming one afternoon a week.

I'm glad she's an active girl but with her eating and the things she's been through (I have another thread about this ). She's only recently stopped self harming and says excerise gives her the satisfaction that self harming does. I'm worried that it's not healthy.

Am I over thinking it or should I be concerned?

OP posts:
GooseyLoosey · 18/02/2017 09:36

It sounds a lot. Are there any days when she does nothing? What's her weight like?

Original poster
MummyEire · 18/02/2017 09:40

She does all this 4 days of the week, and spends the other days focusing on homework and musical activities and then spend an hour at home practicing her dances. (The type of dance she does is very fast and intesne,not like ballet.)

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyEire · 18/02/2017 09:40

And she's slim but is a healthy weight

OP posts:
specialsubject · 18/02/2017 10:15

Fitness includes good nutrition. Fruit, salads (although not in February) and carbs are part of good nutrition but skipping meals is a bad sign.

Original poster
MummyEire · 18/02/2017 10:20

I've taken her to see 3 different doctors and she spoke to them. They aren't concerned as she is a healthy weight and is no longer harming herself but it just doesn't seem right to me.

OP posts:
lljkk · 18/02/2017 10:51

I was an exercise bulimeic & she doesn't sound like me. I was way more secretive.

Main thing is to be someone she knows she can talk to if she's worried about things. Keep those lines of communication open, listen first & try not to judge. If she thinks you'll punish her for what's going on in her life, she won't tell you what's going on, and her problems may get on top of her.

Original poster
MummyEire · 18/02/2017 11:56

Thank you for the advice lljkk I'll leaver her to it then,I don't want her thinking I'm telling her off for exercising.

OP posts:
TheImprobableGirl · 18/02/2017 12:07

It also might be that she is focussing on exercise for the endorphin rush- I had anorexia subtype bulimia for 6 years (14-20) and it gave me a real high to withhold food from myself or purge. Obviously this nearly killed me as well- but then I focussed on an exercise regime and really got the same high and rush of endorphins from pushing myself further and completing mini goals.

Please don't stop her from focussing her energy on something positive, but do keep an eye on things in case she slips into food withholding (only eating certain food groups) and maybe encourage her to focus on a goal/event (10k, triathlon/ironman/mud runner whatever takes her fancy!)

Sandsnake · 18/02/2017 12:14

It quite possibly stems from as desire to be in control. Self-harm is a way of claiming control over your body, as is strict diet and exercise. I would recommend that you back off for now, otherwise she may push back and try to reassert control in more extreme ways. Obviously keep a close eye on her though (as it sounds like you've been doing) to make sure that it doesn't tip into an eating disorder. I wish you both well Smile

SecondsLeft · 18/02/2017 12:15

Keep a watchful eye for now - alarm bells would be 1. If it keeps increasing 2. If she doesn't have a day off if she is ill 3. If she continues to exercise when significantly injured 4. If it is secretive, as pp said - keeping exercise fun and social is best. 5. If she is not eating enough to fuel it, and so starts looking or feeling pale/faint/tired. 6. If it is getting in the way of studies, social life, sleep or leisure time. Hope she is ok.

Sandsnake · 18/02/2017 12:24

It quite possibly stems from as desire to be in control. Self-harm is a way of claiming control over your body, as is strict diet and exercise. I would recommend that you back off for now, otherwise she may push back and try to reassert control in more extreme ways. Obviously keep a close eye on her though (as it sounds like you've been doing) to make sure that it doesn't tip into an eating disorder. I wish you both well Smile

Original poster
MummyEire · 18/02/2017 12:27

Thank you all .

Seconds thank you for mentioning that . She has been feeling dizzy and faint lately and still exceeding on days when she's been sent home ill from school.

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyEire · 18/02/2017 12:36

I forgot to add she's also walking 4 1/2 miles a day minimum. I want to talk to her about balancing it all out don't want her to feel like I'm against her

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyEire · 18/02/2017 18:26

.

OP posts:
lljkk · 18/02/2017 19:59

Maybe you could just have an honest conversation, ask her "How would you know if you were overdoing it, how can you keep yourself from replacing one unhealthy obsession with another?" That's not blaming or pressuring her, it's handing her control, honestly, without shame, of the fact that she might have a tendency to take things to extremes. Then you listen & tell her that you always want to be there to help her deal with difficult stuff.

Kr1stina · 18/02/2017 20:06

Exercising 4 days a week plus walking to school isn't excessive by anyone's standards .

But most athletes eat a better diet, she needs some protein for muscle repair and better quality carbs. And protein will make her feel fuller for longer.

Does she go to a class at the gym ? Encourage her to speak to the class teacher about nutrition or read a book about it . Can you afford a few sessions with a personal trainer.

If he's building a lot of muscle through strength training , she will burn more calories anyway .

I think you need to encourage her to make her exercising and fitness a better quality and focus on better nutrition Rather than try to putt her off it.

Kr1stina · 18/02/2017 20:09

And I'd try to get her to do something more social to do with sports like join a running group or club , go to parkrun , do a class at the gym. Once she makes friends who also do sport they will talk about training and nutrition and she is more likely to listen to them than you ( sorry ) .

Original poster
MummyEire · 18/02/2017 20:43

Thank you everyone

She doesn't do any classes at the gym but I'll look into that .

I've had a chat with her and just asked what her fitness goals are and she admitted that she's been trying to get to 5st and making her self sick after eating Sad . I'm not going to make her stop with her fitness or make her feel like I'm punishing her. We've decided to come up with a fitness routine we can do together and she wants to get more involved with helping me cook.

OP posts:
Kr1stina · 18/02/2017 21:16

Well that's good that you've been able to talk about it and she's been honest with you. Because clearly that's not a fitness goal, that's an eating disorder.

You need to get her and you some expert help on this.

SecondsLeft · 18/02/2017 22:19

Glad she told you - what she is saying is 'I'm scared and not in control - please stop me doing this to myself.' Be firm and supportive - that is what she needs you to be right now. Do not diet with her or support her over exercise - 'I want to support you to eat healthy, and that means eating enough, eating all the food groups, and eating three meals and a couple of snacks every day. Only if you have done that is it ok for you to be walking to school or doing sny exercise.'

And you must get her to see the GP or school nurse asap - she might tell them more. Well done for spotting it OP (and I know you want to be supportive, but really, no diet or diet talk any more, its too much of a mixed message).

Original poster
MummyEire · 18/02/2017 22:37

I'm so relived she felt able to tell me. I usually drop her and pick her up from school so I'll speak to them and GP on Monday. it's after school when she goes for her 41/2 mile walk so I won't let her go until she's eating properly.

I thought I was being supportive with a fitness routine together but you're right,that will make her think I'm encouraging her. At the moment she's 7st but her goal to be 5st is not healthy.

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 18/02/2017 22:40

she admitted that she's been trying to get to 5st and making her self sick after eating

Sad

So glad she can talk to you-I hope you can get some help for her.

Original poster
MummyEire · 19/02/2017 08:28

Thank you xx

OP posts:
SecondsLeft · 19/02/2017 08:43

Take care, it might be a long haul, but your on the path now and alongside each other, which is great.

lljkk · 19/02/2017 08:56

Oh Fig, that's so sad to read. I am so glad my kids haven't gone down that path. At least she has been honest with you. Please get help quickly. Best wishes. x

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