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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Reasonable time for 16 year old's friends to be in the house until?

17 replies

ChasingMars · 03/02/2017 22:44

DD 16, often has friends both male and female over, sometimes doing homework or just chatting. We were finding there seemed to be no particular time some friends would go home, which seemed odd to us! We've put rules in place that friends must leave by 9pm weekdays so DD is in bed at 10pm and 11pm on Fridays and Saturdays, which to be fair DD accepted and stuck to. Does this seem reasonable? What do other mumsnetters do, do you have rules on this?

OP posts:

Lifeisshort123 · 03/02/2017 22:52

9pm on a school night sounds fair. DD (14) has a 9pm cut off too in our house of weekdays but she's currently in hospital during the week but on weekends cut off is 10pm sometimes a little later as a treat about 10:15 ect. I have rules but they are more strict during the week.
My bestfriend has a 8yr old, 15yr old and 16yr old, the 16yr old friends have to leave by 9:30pm on school night and the 15yr old has to have his friends gone by 9pm.

Iamastonished · 03/02/2017 23:19

Sounds about right to me.

How on earth do you mange to get your 16 year old in bed for 10? No matter how often I ask DD to go upstairs she just won't go to bed before 11.30.

DeliveredByKiki · 03/02/2017 23:28

And 11pm on a Friday/Saturday? At that age I was clubbing til 3am on the weekends!

Iamastonished · 03/02/2017 23:39

DD hates anything like that. She went to a club once, early on in 6th form and spent the entire evening texting me because she hated it. She much prefers to be with her boyfriend or a small group of friends.

Original poster

ChasingMars · 03/02/2017 23:48

Delivered she's 16 but year 11 so I think it's a bit different, when she starts college in September I think clubbing etc will come up! If she's out at a party we usually say midnight is reasonable. She's usually in bed for 10-10.30 weeknights, they have a heavy schedule at school leading up to gcse's, she8often at school ubtil tpm so I think she is tired enough to get to bed at a reasonable hour

OP posts:

Original poster

ChasingMars · 03/02/2017 23:49

she's often at school until 5pm

OP posts:

MakeItStopNeville · 04/02/2017 00:09

I hate that whole "I was out till 3am and it didn't do me any harm" thing. So was I and I experienced many situations that, retrospectively, I was emotionally ill equipped to deal with. I want more for my kids. Plus, I'm 41 and being a teen now is a million times more stressful than being a teen was in the late 80s/early 90s.

My teens don't hang out with their friends that much during the week as they have sports/music etc but at weekends, we have a midnight curfew, except for certain circumstances. They're going to a gig, for example. It changes when they can drive themselves home.

Iamastonished · 04/02/2017 11:22

"and being a teen now is a million times more stressful than being a teen was in the late 80s/early 90s"

And the 1970s in my case. I agree. DD is doing A levels now and isn't having the fun in 6th form that I had.

corythatwas · 04/02/2017 11:55

Regardless of when a 16yo should go to bed/what teen friends should be allowed, you have a right to insist on a situation that makes life bearable for you. If you need guests to leave at a certain time (barring parties, obviously) then you can say so. Rules like these are about what works for everybody. If you need the house to go quiet at a certain time because you have to be at work the next day, that matters just as much as your dd's need to be rested for school.

Timetogetup0630 · 04/02/2017 18:49

11pm seems a reasonable time to ask them to leave, as I aasume someone has to come and collect them ?

Alternative is to invite them to sleep over, but set a time by which they need to be in bed, lights out.

Kennington · 04/02/2017 18:52

School night should be early - 7 or 8pm. They need time to wind down and a break and be with their family -I think intensive teen friendships are a recipe for disaster.

DeliveredByKiki · 04/02/2017 18:59

makeitstop on the contrary, it didndonke a lot of harm! I'm impressed the OP's 16yr old goes to bed at 11pm on the weekend - good on them both!

DeliveredByKiki · 04/02/2017 18:59

*did do me

Garnethair · 04/02/2017 19:00

I would want them out by 9 week days and by 10 at weekends, so that we can settle the house down and make sure the front door is locked before bed.

Motherfuckers · 04/02/2017 19:03

Why is being a teen more stressful? How do you even know? I find teenagers are often more sensible on the whole than my generation (90s)

Iamastonished · 04/02/2017 21:15

Social media, university fees, higher school leaving age, no exam resits, fewer jobs for unqualified young people.

seventhgonickname · 17/02/2017 00:16

I was a teenager in the 70s and remember it as pretty care free.We never expected to be able to stay up late,had very little pocket money anyway,less choice(makes it easier),we grumbled about school and exams be didn't have the pressure in school that there seems to be now(maybe because the teachers were less pressured too).
Anyway we have 9pm weekdays and negotiated at weekends.

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