I would be grateful for opinions on this please

[lotty34]

My son is 15 and nearly 6 foot, his stepdad is 6'4 and a well built man. Just recently they have taken to what they call 'messing around fighting' This can become really quite aggressive and I don't approve of it in any way at all. I have another child who has seen them and he gets upset and thinks they are both angry and wanting to hurt each other. I have asked my husband and son not to do it in front of the other one as its not the best thing to have a young child seeing their Brother and Father knocking seven bells out of each other but it falls on deaf ears. My husbands arm is black and blue at the moment with bruises and I know they must have been at it again when I was out over the weekend and I know the younger one was around so must have seen it all.

I blew my top last night and said it was appauling behaviour from an adult that should know better and a teenager that should not be encouraged to behave this way. My son has never had a fight with anyone else so I know its only kept for home and they both say its 'only messing around' but can you imagine a 6 foot boy and a 6'4 man battering each other around the house. It really can get very rough.

I am being unreasonible and should I just ignore it and let them get on with it or should I really put my foot down. They both know how I feel but just do it when I am not around so it seems.
Thanks.

I can't really believe it is messing around if your DH's arm is black and blue.

I would definitely want it to stop before someone is seriously hurt.

Good luck.

I would ask them to respect your feelings, and regardless of how they see it, understand that you are really upset by their 'play fighting'.

How long has stepdad been around - could they both be trying to find their position within a fairly new family situation.

Sorry you're having to deal with this.

Hi.

My husband has been in my sons life for about 8 years, never been a problem with either of them. To be totally honest I think its more my son starting it than my husband. My son is all macho at the moment being 15 with raging hormones and all that. He is always at the gym and working out with weights at home. My husband got into bed last night and his arm and kind of on his shoulder was a mess with brusies, I was shocked and very annoyed when he said my son had done it. They both have a smirk on their faces when I voice my concern about it and I know I am being laughed at behind my back. I had a right go at my son this morning and again he had that smirky look on his face about it all.

My son seems to be speaking in a very disrespectful way as well towards my husband, but not in a nasty way (does that make sense) he will say things like 'Hey big guy, fancy a fight' and so it goes on until I could scream. They both must really hurt each other when in full flow but they both keep going back for more. grrrrrrrr

I am going to have a serious talk with them both tonight but I have done this before and got told I was a control freak who wanted to make everyone behave how I wanted them to behave so I don't expect a happy outcome.

I'd leave them to it, to be honest. My dh and ds are forever practicing karate on each other. It's a male bonding thing I don't pretend to understand.

It's not as if your son is being bullied by his stepdad.

Hi I'm 15 (using my sister's nickname!) and do this all the time with my dad. It is just us messing around, it isn't a big deal for males to get bruised when messing around like this, you don't understand coz you're all women, but it isn't an aggressive thing, it is male bonding. I enjoy doing this with my dad, it is fun and bonds us, and better than me fighting with other boys in my school, it is a good release of energy, but isn't aggressive like you are all thinking.

My mum hates it too, especially when we do it in front of my little nephew, but we laways laugh and it is a joke, not serious fighting.

Don't stress so much.

Is that last post for real?

Yes!

Why wouldn't it be?

My DH an DS fight all the time. It does look aggressive and involves crashing into tables, sofas etc. Plus they both do karate, so practice that too. I just ignore them and say 'go into the garden to do that boys please'.

It is all good natured male bonding.... like lions with their cubs. I wouldn't worry about them.

at 8 years old its messing about.
at 9 or 10 years its messing about
at 11,12,13 its messing about.

at 14 - its 'lets test out alpha male shit'

it can get dangerous and isn't pleasant to watch. many times i say " can you cut the love punching crap out it upsets me"

major killjoy sign on my head, i dont care my house isn't the effing jungle and they arn't sodding lions.