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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

What did your teens do for their 17th birthday?

24 replies

Megainstant · 01/12/2016 07:03

Dds birthday is in a couple of weeks and she's just said she wants a party.

I really really don't want it at home. She has loads of friends, some of them drink a lot, some of them smoke. We had a few round a few weeks ago and they were noisy until 2 and I hated it.

She says I'm being boring and horrible Sad

I've suggested a village hall but she doesn't want that and now we are at loggerheads.

OP posts:
corythatwas · 01/12/2016 07:54

Not much help here; we have a small house and multiple fish tanks so hosting a teen party at home was never on the cards. On both occasions, we had a family meal in a restaurant with birthday dc, and then gave them a (modest) sum of money to go out with friends.

dingit · 01/12/2016 07:56

Fire pit in garden, hot dogs and fireworks

Original poster
Megainstant · 01/12/2016 07:59

I have suggested a meal out with family which she was scathing about Sad

I have also said she can have something in the summer as we have a large garden and a big tent. Also a terrible idea apparently

OP posts:
Original poster
Megainstant · 01/12/2016 08:01

dingit did you supervise? Dd doesn't want us there at all! Can't imagine leaving hthem with a fire pit. Maybe I am boring

OP posts:
ExitPursuedBySpartacus · 01/12/2016 08:02

Party at home with about 24 guests. They managed to block the toilet.

Sparklingbrook · 01/12/2016 09:19

It coincided handily with a Sixth Form party so nothing.

SaltyBitch · 01/12/2016 09:23

Oh don't be mean, let her have the party. Its one night.

SaltyBitch · 01/12/2016 09:24

You 'supervise' by hiding in your bedroom with a boxset and snacks. Out of sights but not out of mind.

titchy · 01/12/2016 10:35

You're being boring and horrible Grin

We've hosted several - hidden away upstairs. Yeah they're noisy but a birthday is only once a year. Insist everyone leaves at 12.30, and smokers outside. and she cleans up vomit and anything else. Keep them confined to the kitchen if possible. Provide beer and pizza to avoid inevitable vodka on an empty stomach incidents.

Original poster
Megainstant · 01/12/2016 11:25

hmm I might consider. What do the younger dcs do though??

OP posts:
Original poster
Megainstant · 01/12/2016 11:25

she has asked for them to go away for one night which is not possible!

OP posts:
Original poster
Megainstant · 01/12/2016 11:26

also we live rurally so she insists they have to stay the night :-/

OP posts:
SaltyBitch · 01/12/2016 13:00

You'll make it work OP. It's your last one, next year you can wave her off to a club/bar and not have to faff again.

misshelena · 01/12/2016 13:20

I wouldn't want a truckload of drunk teens in my house either. But if you are going to do it, definitely stay in the house! I've heard of $$$ worth of damages from overflowing clogged toilets! And no overnight! You may have to provide transportation back to town though, if you want to make sure that there's no drunk driving. And cleaning up the vomit! Ugh... I'd settle for "boring and horrible" myself...

We took Dd16 to a nice dinner out and that's it. No big deal even though it's her sweet 16. Didn't even give her presents, come to think of it. But then on her actual birthday weekend, her bf and bestie threw her a surprise sweet 16 and invited 20+ of her friends. It was summer, so they had it out in the bf's pool and garden. Cake, pizza, junk, balloons, very loud music, and lots of presents for her. No alcohol I think... at least not out in the open. Don't think bf's mom would have put up with that.

Original poster
Megainstant · 01/12/2016 14:07

16 is quite different to 17 sadly

OP posts:
janinlondon · 01/12/2016 14:54

We said yes to the 17th party. And to not being there (until about 2am when we staggered back in). And to the overnight thing. I saw the invitation list - there were a few add ons but that was basically it. We arranged a pizza delivery at 10pm and provided some beer. Only about 12 of them stayed over. I made three rules - only girls could sleep in her bedroom (most of them slept in the lounge but some of the girls appreciated a boy free zone to sleep in). She had to clean up. And no one in our bedroom. And she also imposed some rules (like no smoking in the house or the garden - banished the few smokers to the street outside). There was a LOT of alcohol but only one girl really affected and they were taking it in turns to check on her every 15 mins after she crawled into her sleeping bag. These kids have already done three day DofE hikes together, and five days at Reading. And they are good kids. We lived to tell the tale. Limited damage.

Grausse · 02/12/2016 17:55

They don't all have to sleep over. We are also very rural and used to doing late night pick ups of our DC. The one time you don't run around is when hosting.
The trick is to specify an end time on the invitation. At 17 we did a (winter) party. Numbers were limited and they had to be picked up at 12 and it worked fine. The only ones who didn't come were townies it seemed perhaps their parents were not used to late night running around. The rest all got lifts one way or another.
We didn't leave the house but kept out of the way. They were angels, even cleared up the empties before they left.

rogueantimatter · 04/12/2016 20:04

DS was so busy he had forgotten it was going to be his 17th birthday the day before it. We had a takeaway for dinner with his friend and he spent most of the day playing on his new musical instrument. He took four friends out for a meal a fortnight later.

DD otoh, had a joint 17th at her friend's house. One person had to be taken home by the mid evening. Another needed close supervision but was okay. A lot of spirits were smuggled in.

IMO it's unreasonable of teenagers to have a strop if they aren't allowed to have a party. That's what student flats are for surely.

Timetogetup0630 · 05/12/2016 22:48

My DD didn't want either a 17th or an 18th birthday party Sad
But her friends organised something for her at other people's houses, on both occasions.
And she was happy with that.

poisonedbypen · 05/12/2016 22:57

What's so special about a 17th? I can't remember what DD did. We had a meal out with DS.

misshelena · 06/12/2016 05:34

"16 is quite different to 17 sadly"

OP- I don't get it either. 17 is special? Are you in the UK? We are in the US, and the big birthday here is 16, not 17. I think some people also think 18 is a big deal because you become a legal adult. And obviously 21 is big because that's the legal drinking age here.

BathshebaSnowflakeStone · 06/12/2016 05:44

Burger King. Wow, we're really exciting! Xmas Grin

titchy · 06/12/2016 07:44

I think OP meant 17 is different in terms of the type of party compared to the one at 16. Specifically, house parties with alcohol being the norm at 17, but not at 16 where you can still get away with smaller numbers doing something outside the home.

smurfest · 06/12/2016 12:48

When I was 17, admittedly yonks ago, we either met up in town for a meal out - we all paid our own way and no parents were there. Or someone would have a party in say the local rugby club. Or we would meet up in town and go to a chavvy nightclub.
Nobody had home-based parties!

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