Don't know what to do. Help!

[paperchase0verdone]

I know this is for teenagers but I need some advice. I'm desperate. My Dd2 is 11. Dd1 is 13 and a great girl. Laughs and jokes, joy to be around. So why isn't Dd2 like that? She causes arguments everyday. Whether that's between the house or even Dd1 and her friends at school. She lies about everything but is so convincing you question yourself. You can't have a conversation in front of her as she instantly repeats to who ever she sees. Her school called me because Dd2 made out I don't feed her so had no lunch money so teachers were handing money over to her, until the decided to call me and I informed them she has money. She got in trouble. She then told the dinner lady that some bigger kids stole her drink, the dinner lady felt sorry for her and gave her one, then heard Dd1 & Dd2 arguing that Dd2 made it up so dinner lady snatched it off Dd2 which made her cry. Dd2 has been stealing money from people at school. Stealing sweets from teachers and other kids. Doesn't have any friends as she is socially underage, like raising a 7 year old. She wants to play with our next door neighbour who is 6. But even then Dd2 is to bossy for 6 yr old. So recent thing, Dd2 in trouble for lying again at school. So teacher collared her which turned into Dd2 accusing DP of assault & dragging Dd2 across the bedroom by her hair. Ss now involved but I'm feeling done. Can't explain other things she's done. To much to list. I cry sometimes and she loves it. She enjoys me crying. Ss want to send me to a parenting class. I went mad! I parent other kids fine. Why should I?! I'm NOT THE PROBLEM.
Sick of being made out to be bad parent, that I need structure and guidance. NO! Thinking of giving Dd2 to MIL for a while. I need a break. I've cried now for 5 days constant. My head hurts, my body hurts and my heart hurts.
My house would be lovely without Dd2 there. Peaceful. No tension. No feeling of dread. I hate weekends. Dread having Dd2 for 48 hours straight. I'm so finished with it all. I keep crying as I know I sound like a bad mum. I swear I'm not. I've tried and tried everyday. Fighting for Dd2 but she doesn't seem to acknowledge what I do.

It does sound as though your dd strives to control situations as she seemed to be at your mil's and perhaps fails to behave appropriately because she can't 'read' others' reactions?

I apologise if my previous post on pda was patronising! It sounds as though you are well aware of it and have attempted behavioural strategies. Keep on with that, these things take time to have effect. I hope you manage to get some answers with the upcoming appointments.
It all sounds relentlessly hard. I hope you are looking after yourself among all this stress and making some time for you.

ILOSTIT no no no you didn't sound patronising at all. I like to know others think of pda as I do. That she does show characteristics of it.
She loves to be in control. She likes to play with children younger than her. Would rather dump her high school friends for the 6 yr old next door , that's until the 6 yr old wants the certain toy/baby/buggy then all hell breaks loose. I do believe she can't read our signals. That when we look at her a certain way as if to say 'Really?' She shrugs and says "what? I didn't do anything " that's bugging! Lol
I have started making time for myself. And thinking of myself. I suffer with a MH disorder which I find difficult to manage on top of Dd2 behaviour. I cry a lot which doesn't seem to help me. Makes me worse.
I think we struggle to get a break because no one will have Dd2. But do catch a break when she goes to bed. Be time that point I'm ready myself. Thank you for you replies and help

Thank you paperchase, I do hope that you are able to get some support too. It is very frustrating to have this awful behaviour and not to know what causes it or how to improve it. Professional help must be able to make some difference by hook or by crook! I'm so worried about my DS now as he is starting to get into vaping with his friends, and while it is not harmful, I fear the next steps will be that they will all want to try drugs. He won't talk to me and just not sure how to pre empt the situation, so will be really glad for some professional help .