Is nearly 15 too old for 'bedtime'?

[welshgirlwannabe]

I take my son's screens off him around 10 -10.30 during the week. He then has to go to 'bed' but can read or write or draw. He is now telling me I'm unreasonable and everyone else is allowed to stay up as long as they like. I have his ipad in my room overnight and it does ping with messages until quite late, but I don't think I'm unreasonable.

He says I treat him like a little kid. Just interested in other opinions/ what you do with your nearly 15 year old screens?

My kids are 13 and 14.

No screen time is a family rule unless we all watch Attenborough or something valuable.

My DH and I may watch something some week nights.

We have a reasonable size home and so the latter part of the evening it seems reasonable for the boys to go upstairs and read. Unless it was read or create time they wouldn't think of reading at all.

My DD is in year 10 but not 15 til the summer. I do similar to you. Go into bedroom around 10pm and make sure electronics are off and she's going to get ready for bed. Sometimes I come back 10 mins later and she's asleep, other times she is still faffing. She knows she should be asleep by 10.30 the latest, and I try to encourage her to be as she has to be up by 6.30 (as do I). If she didn't have to get up til later then I would probably be more lenient. She always says she's tired so I think she's not getting enough sleep.
Some of her friends and schoolmates are def going to bed v late, but I'm sure it has an effect somewhere. On weekends I'm not bothered, unless we have to get up early for something. She wakes up naturally around 9-10am.

My DDs (17 and 15) are both pretty good at getting themselves off to sleep when they need to, so they have no official bedtime.

DS is 12, and goes up at 9. I think we will have more trouble with him, trying to ensure that he actually goes to sleep, as he gets a bit older.

Ds is 14. He does not have a bed time as such. He's normally asleep by 9.30 probably be different if he was a late nighter

My DS is 15 and goes upstairs about 9.30/10, showers then faffs about a bit then sleep by about half 10 with no intervention from me - he knows he needs his sleep and he knows he a grumpy sod without it. Weekends he stays up later but often out biking or diving by 7am so again self-regulates when to go to sleep.

somerville I have a child that age and she isn't allowed anything connected to the internet in her bedroom.

My DD spends a lot of time on the internet researching her homework and studying on the internet often at websites suggested by the school, previous exam papers etc.

Sounds pretty draconian to have a no internet in bedroom policy. My DDs favourite study place is in bed, surrounded by coursework and her laptop.

I had a bed time till I was 18 and it was earlier than 10-30.

Jeez. My sister was married and had emigrated to another country at 16.

My 15 year old son has a 10:30pm bed time, he also thinks this is terrible parenting and non of his friends have a bed time. I take all electronics away at that time. He often complains he's not tired so I do let him read until whatever time he wants to in bed, he doesn't though. I'm flexible on a weekend and allow him to decide when to put his screens away and go to sleep.

I don't take the phone or laptop from my DD who is 15, she does self-regulate, and is normally going to sleep at about 9.30.

My DS was pretty hopeless at self regulating at that age though. We had many battles.

You're telling a 15-yr-old what time to go to bed? OK, good luck with that.

How can you switch off internet to certain devices? Sound a a great idea- I have a very early riser...this may keep him in bed for longer!

The internet didn't exist when I was a teen, and I had a bedtime of 9.30 on school nights until I left home at 18. Tbh, even after I left home I would have gone to bed about 10ish.

Dd is 15 & has a bedtime. It helps that she is a day student in a boarding school & they have lights out at 10pm

I think he's just using that old chestnut of "everyone else is aloud". I don't think your being unreasonable to take the iPad either. He's 15, at school and needs a good nights sleep for it, and whilst he's under your roof it's your rules, if his friends parents allow there teens to have there screens late at night then so be it, I don't believe they should and think what you are doing is right.

derelict are you my 15 year old son ny chance? Just need a withering 'wow' added to the end of that statement and you'd sound just like him

by any chance, even.

He does sarcasm much better than I do...

At 15 I was pretty much doing what I wanted. In 2 years he will be driving and then off to uni (I managed to do ok despite not having a bedtime at 15- 3 first class degrees and a high flying professional career as a result of what I think is not being helicoptered and able to manage my own life/time)

I have a 16 year old ds. He doesn't have a bed time. He hasn't had a bed time since he was 14. He studies at the kitchen table for 2 hours every day after school, then has dinner (no phones allowed at table) then plays his computer or is on his phone etc until about 10:30, when I go to bed. He is asleep by 11 ish on a school night, 1 am on the weekend.

I have a 15yo. He is terrible at self regulation, but is getting better. We have the home hub set up so his devices cut out at 9. He has then hangs around with us & I send him up at 9.30-10. He is also someone who needs a lot of sleep.

Dd1, who is about to turn 13, has an internal clock that seems to get her to switch off phone, put it on charge and take herself to bed at about 9.30. We never gave her that bedtime; it's entirely self imposed and it amuses DH & I how incredibly punctual she is. She needs less sleep than ds though and is up at the crack of dawn to enjoy the peace & quiet before the younger 2 get up.

This is so depressing, I only have children under 8 and the thought of all the devices and tech toys they will have, and the arguments about it

Sometimes I wish all this guff had not been invented. At uni, nobody had a laptop, mobile phone or any other communications technology. A few had word processors but obviously they are just posh typewriters.

We all had to talk to each other or die of boredom

Photos were only the one copy from film processing and you would need to borrow someone's film for copies

We had so much privacy today's kids cannot imagine..

Just not looking forward to the iPhone arguments of the (very near) future...

Is it really as awful as I imagine??!

Depends if you can trust him to switch them off/ not reply to messages. If you know he'll be up all night and not be able to get up for school then keep it.
If it were me I'd say to him okay I will trust you and if/when you break that trust then we go back to strict screen/bed times until you've left school. But reassure him that you hope he can prove you wrong and respect the trust you've put into him.

No, I think that's very sensible.

The house behind us has a teenager. If I wake up at 3am in the morning, there is usually a screen glow from his bedroom window. I don't know if he ever sleeps.

I have a 14 year old and a 17 year old and don't impose bedtimes. Both have TVs/PS4s/laptops/phones in their rooms, and internet access 24/7. But they manage to get their sleep without us having to get involved.

A 14 year old still certain needs rules and a "bedtime' at a reasonable time is one to still use if he can't self regulate yet (where screens are involved especially).

Jenny, I love having teens, as they are so interesting to talk to. It's wonderful to see them becoming more independent, and developing as individuals.

The hard bit is getting the level of guidance right. Enabling them to work it out for themselves, without allowing them to flounder.

I find as they get older, there's less you have to physically do for them, but there's a lot more emotional support needed. And letting go is hard.

There's a famous saying that what a parent needs to provide is "roots, and wings". I try to keep that in mind.

But, no, it isn't awful at all.