Moral dilemma

[pjm33cakes]

Please mums out there could someone help me with this!
My son (17) went to a party/gathering he came home alone watched him walk up path came in - little bit drunk 🙄 but ok starting heating up food! 😂
20 mins later or so husband and i in bed heard noise outside house giggling voices shouting etc thought no more of it
Next morning there is a rucksack in the middle of a hedge in our front garden - husband retrieves it thought it might have valuable stuff in it etc with view to reuniting it with owner - opened to find drug paraphenilia ( a bong) stunk of cannabis, and a portable music speaker
Husband very cleverly takes music speaker out and says to our 17 yr old oh do you know who this might belong to found it in our garden. He replies oh thats charlies ( best friend) whats that doing there?

So we tell him it was in a bag with other stuff that we are concerned about.

I know charlies mum - do i tell her? How do i tell her?
Son obviously going mental - this will ruin our friendship etc frankly i dont care esp if his best mate is doing this - worried my son involved although he vehemently denies it

What MidLifeCrunch said

Drunk giggles & backpack = prank being played? (on your DS)

I would do what usual said

I think that alcohol should be more of a concern than the cannabis

Alcohol taken responsibly is not an issue. It isn't illegal, its manufacture is strictly controlled, it isn't made and sold by criminals, and no one is exploited/harmed in its manufacture.

Cannabis cannot be taken responsibility as in most cases you don't know what's in it or how it was produced and distributed.

I don't think Charlie was using a bong at a party by himself. If he has a drug problem, his parents are probably already aware. Give him the bag back, and concentrate on your own son, who is probably also partaking!

You've know that the point of a bong is to share don't you? I'd bet your don also had a go. It's highly unlikely that Charlie is doing this alone

No way do you tell her

I agree with those who say don't tell.

I came up against a very similar scenario myself recently. We gave ds the necessary speeches and warnings but kept schtum elsewhere. At 17 they are too old to ground or restrict and you can't keep tabs on him all the time much less his friends. It's a scenario you ultimately cannot control.

I cant see why the age is relevant. 13, 17, 27 or bloody 43 I would want to know if my child was involved with drugs. Definitely tell the other parent. Then you have done all you can.

Are you sure the bag isn't your sons? Why would his friend dump his bong?

Give the bag to his parents. They can deal. Don't say you've opened it.
Then talk to your son. He's hanging out with people who do illegal drugs.

I wouldn't tell his mum, but I would say to get that bag out of my house and reiterate the harsh facts about weed.

I agree with WolfieFan

Give the bag back to C's parents, explaining that you think it's his as your DS says the speaker belongs to him and they'll want to check. Do not discuss the other contents with them.

And separately (but as a matter of importance) get talking to your own DS about illegal drug taking.

I agree with Wolfe fan too.

I also think most teens know people who do drugs. So it's not that unusual.

I doubt it was Charlie's. Your son came home alone; why would he bring his mates rucksack with him and then dump it in the hedge?? I'd say he left it there because he knew damn well what was in it and didn't want to bring it into the house.

*Alcohol taken responsibly is not an issue. It isn't illegal, its manufacture is strictly controlled, it isn't made and sold by criminals, and no one is exploited/harmed in its manufacture.

Cannabis cannot be taken responsibility as in most cases you don't know what's in it or how it was produced and distributed.*

Any drug dealt with responsibly is not harmful, even opiates (think of opium based drugs like heroin, morphine etc)

Research by the independent scientific society has produced a harm score in relation to drugs and how harmful they are, this is based on availability, cost harm to user etc, alcohol has a score of 72. Cannabis has a score of 20, meaning that the independent scientific committee recognises alcohol not only as three time more harmful than cannabis but also more harmful than crack cocaine and heroin.

www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736%2810%2961462-6/fulltext

Just because you know where something comes from doesn't mean it isn't potentially damaging - i.e. Magic mushrooms you pick yourself can cause massive harm - just because you can trace them from ground to your mouth doesn't mean that they are good for you.

However on that same point Cannabis now is normally taken in its organic form.

Don't get me wrong I'm against drugs where the affect the user in an adverse way, however I would point out it is rare to see stoners in a mass brawl in town centres at the weekend after kicking out time.

Would you class Charlie's mum as a proper friend? Would she be the mate you would choose to discuss this with if you suspected the bong was your own son's? If so tell her, if not give her the bag and let her talk about it with her confidante of choice. Then have a word with your son, make sure you're not financing his drug use - if he still has an allowance and he can afford to get high on it, it's too much and he needs to get a job. My (now 21 year old) daughter was smoking the odd bong at 16/17 whilst a full time student and on an allowance, once she had to earn her own money she was a lot less keen to watch it go up in smoke.

....however I would point out it is rare to see stoners in a mass brawl in town centres at the weekend after kicking out time

You right, they are usually in the psych unit. I'm joking but only sort of... I don't think teens, especially teen boys and cannabis are a good mix. Cannabis can be a disaster for some people.

I agee, I think the bigger question is what's your son up to.

What comes around goes around. It is not very clear if it is Charlie or your son's. If you hand back the bag to Charlie's mum you might be doing him a favour and may find an ally in his mum.

I'd tell him to hand the rucksack back to his friend. And tell him that you don't want drugs on the property again.

What Avocado said. Then I'd have a chat with DS in a gentle way about how

A. weed never killed anybody, but it has caused quite a few to develop psychosis- dangers of skunk, how it doesn't look different etc.

B. People who do smoke weed regularly (like Charlie) don't have any motivation and tend to drop out, get depressed, etc. Encourage him to think about who he wants as a friend in the long run. Chances are they'll drift apart after leaving school anyway.