Putting a child into care

[bobalinga]

Seems to me that while my 14 yo has run away and is living with her best mate i have no say. The father doesn't contact me and takes her out of the city without permission. The police didn't stop him. Social services say only I and the police can stop him but I only found out by chance.
So I have been advised to place her into care voluntarily to force social services to mae things legal and to make sure this man can't do anything without my permission.
Has anyone done this? Put a child into voluntary care?
I feel that at least she will be checked on as this bloke makes no effort to contact me and does as he pleases.

I've been following your other threads. You say the adult in the house that your daughter is living in makes no attempt to contact you, and I know you've had social services involved, but I wondered whether you & your DP have actually been round to see this man, directly, and your daughter, and talk this whole thing through?

Thery are refusing contact.

bobalinga, I have followed your other thread and I am sorry you are going through this. My advice would be: ACT and ACT NOW. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Put dd into voluntary care and regain some control. She is vulnerable and needs your protection. This is a starting point. Believe me I absolutely understand how demanding and uncooperative young people can be. However, your dd is 14 and is not acting in her own best interests. You therefore need to. Good luck

B. I have no experience of this, but a friend of mine years ago put her dd into voluntary care and never got her back again. She expected it to be for a couple of days while emotions cooled down, and it ended up with her DD in care until she was 18. (She was 13 when she went into care.)

I don't know if that's still a likely scenario (this was about 12 years ago)
but I thought I'd better let you know, so that you can investigate what the processes would be of getting her out of care again.

Well, the law says that if a child stays with someone for more than 27 days and that person isn't a relative then either a private fostering arranegment or voluntary care must happen. The PF protects both the child and the carer and means the parents get to know where the child is and how he or she is doing if there's no contact with the carer.
But its law that SS must get off their collective butts at 27 days. I'm willing to let this guy PF (not happy but willing if thats what DD wants) but he has said he doesn't want too. Obviously she can't stay with a stranger without any protection. She's 14. So either he agrees to PF or she goes into voluntary care where SS decide whether to leave her with this man or place her somewhere else. In either case we retain parental repsonsibility and only we can deal with medical needs/passports etc etc. It also gives us protection because the LEA can prosecute US for not educating her and we cn be done for neglect if something happenes to her.
But it is out of our hands at 27 days anyhow. She is adamant she never wants to come home so she needs legal protection and sfatey because of her age.
And thats how it will be until she decides to communicate with us and mend this relationship. I hope she will because I do love her so am trying to give her space while making sure she is safe. (of course, it could all backfire cos she might decide in her head that this means I don't care) but the law says this is how it is.
It also means someone is checking on her well-being as this guy doesn't phone or srop me a line to let me know anything so this way I get to know she is ok instead of hearing snippets and rumours about where she is.
Social services are pretty slow though. They are meant to be seeing this man on Thursday but I know he is taking her out of the city as early as possible. Presumably to avoid the SW. Not in his own best interest as SS willl not be amused by that plus he can't get any child benefit for her until its all legal.
If she wants to stay there, he could jeapordise that by not co-operating which will mean the SS placing her with one of their foster carers which will make her unhappy. Maye thats why he's doing it cos then he wont have to face my daughter and tell her he doesn't really want to PF.
I dunno.

my gut wouold tell me not to put my dd into foster care - i have no reason. i too have followed your threads.

at this point i would see whether i could get a solicior, lobby local councillors to apply pressure on my behalf, and threaten contact with local newspapers.

i think in this case ss seem to be extremely remiss in their responsabilities towards the safety of your daughter.

myh gut instinct is that although shes being a shit with you at the mo, her experiences at the friends house will prolly be a lot better than her experiences in care.

i think anything legal and documentary that forces this man to have legal responsability for the welbeing of you daughter will shit him up - this is what i would fight tooth and nail for at this moment in time if i were you.

make big waves. the police are not acting on a situation where a man who presumaly has no crb check - is certainly no relation is harbouring your daughter at his house without your permission. i would phone the police explain the situation again and tell them that "we can't do anything" is not a satisfactory answer , you want to speak tos omeone senior NOW. again threaten papers. ask for a copy of their compaints policy and get a solicitors advice opn what many laws must be being broken with this situation.

then i would do the same with social services. senior person, papers threat, copy of complaints policy. soliciotrs letter lobby councillor.

if this man is to have your daughter under his roof you want the proper measures in place the proper precautionary measures to ensure your daughter safety. do not take no for an answer,

go to local and national press if need be - i am sure in this hysterical light of paesophilia that someone is going to ask "wtf, this is insane"

My dd has been in voluntary care twice once in a home and the other time in foster care she kept coming home because she didnt like it. I would take back control the grass isnt always greener she will find that out eventually.

Could i have a link to other thread would be interested to read it

I forgot to say the police should be able to remove your dd from that house as she doesnt have your permission to be there

Police wont remove a 14 yo cos they have a 'say'

for example, I found out that this guy was taking her out of the city last week and hadn't bothered to ask permission. So I called the police. They said they would call me back. Nothing.
No interest in the fact that I have rights etc. They are useless.

They'd be interested if a local journalist called them. Or even if you spoke to a superior officer saying that a journalist would be calling them if they didn't get off their arses.

you have to keep hassling them im afraid i only no this from personal experience i have had my dd picked up many times. If something happened to her there would be hell up!!

On a very basic level B you are responsible for dd and if - heaven forbid - anything bad happens to her it will be you who are held to account. You really need to hassle and hassle and hassle for support and cooperation from ss and police. Just because dd has rights does not mean this situation is acceptable. Dd is a vulnerable young person and as such should be treated as such whatever her personall preferences.

Well, I asked to talk to the boss finally after a week of the SW not retrning calls. He apologised for the lack of communication and they are finally (so he says) starting the proceedings to make a her a 'looked after' child. This will give her and us proper protection so that we will know she is safe while she is not at home and can safely be given the space she needs. They'll also assign her a yough support worker and start family counselling/therapy so we can all get a say and discuss how we feel.
It will do DD good to hear our side for once and maybe realise that we have done the best we can under difficult circumstances and compared to a lot of teens she has had huge freedoms.
But the important thing is that she is safe and checked up on. This gives us all some breathing time.
I have been amazed at just how crap the SS are. One shudders to think how this could have been if DD had been in any danger.

B, how are things? Has anyhting changed since your last post? Thinking of you.

Glad it looks as though SS are finally getting their act together. It does rather beggar belief that there could be all that hooha over Misbah running off to Pakistan to her father, yet your dd can go to an unrelated single male and SS don't seem to give a fig.

Still nothing has happenend and over at SS they are uncontactable. Beginning to think they have a 'we are in a meeting' notice linked to my name!
Gices you some insight as to what happens when kids really are at risk!
The boss promised to send us a letter on thursday outlining their plan cos so far its all been phone calls.
I've now asked the NSPCC to make a refferal.

Have you thought about contacting your MP about all this? SS's attitude stinks to me. Seems that, because dd is 14, they feel she can't possibly be at any sort of risk.