So, my DD is 14 (she will be 15 in a little over a month). I've name changed for this just in case.
Anyway, she has been seeing her current boyfriend for a little over 8 months. He is a year older. They met through ATC and are in the same school. So far, he has ended the relationship at least three times, each time begging her to go back out with him whenever she seems to be moving on. Throughout their on/off relationships, he has insisted that she go to his place (a short bus / parental taxi ride away) and will not come up to our house.
The last time this happened, her father and I (after mopping up the tears and applying the accepted remedy of Ben & Jerry's ice cream) said that we would not be happy if she took him back again, as he is not treating her with respect and is expecting her to do all the running. Of course, the expected happened and he begged her so she said yes.
We didn't find this out to begin with - she was staying with her best friend (across from ours) for a week long birthday party / couple of day trips with early starts and a couple of paid jobs with best friend's mum. Over coffee with said mum, turns out that not only the girls were staying but the boys too (best friend's boyfriend and DD's). And that DD and boyfriend (I'll call him Jose as it's nothing like his real name!) were not only back together but all four teens had slept in the same room.
DH was fuming on both counts. We had an argument when I said we couldn't really ban her from seeing Jose as it would make him more attractive but that yes, we would put a stop to the second part. When DD came home, we had a talk with her and said that if she is to continue to see Jose, he has to start visiting her here, meeting in town etc. and not expecting her to simply rock up at his all the time. She said that she'd already told him that, and he'd agreed. On the co-sleeping, we said it wasn't to happen again and then spoke with friend's mum to stop it there. We also used the opportunity to talk about how to get away if she was being pressured into sex etc.
Week passes, she arranges for Jose to come up to spend the day here. Expected time of arrival comes and goes, no Jose. An hour later she gets a message from him saying something about babysitting little sister, how he'd forgotten etc. etc. etc. and would she go there. Despite misgivings we agreed, with the caveat that this was the last time.
Two weeks later and he's still not been up here to spend time, despite her going to his most days either before or after school.
I don't know where to go from here. I want to put a deadline on him sticking to the agreement (and I've curtailed the after school visits) but I also don't want to make him into some kind of forbidden delight. Any suggestions on how to handle this now?