My 18 year old son makes me feel like I want to run away

[smellybum1]

I live with my 18 year old, 10 year old and my partner. My son is lazy, disrespectful, no respect and just rude to us.

He was going to college, but failed his exams, therefore he lays around the house doing nothing apart from winding us all up. He is horrible to myself and my daughter, but saying nasty things, telling us to shut up and go away. If I try and lay down the law it gets very confrontational to a point where I wonder if it may get physical.

He on two occasions has shut my arm or leg in the door if I have tried to get into his bedroom.

We have just been away for a weekend and he hasn't stopped picking on my daughter. He refused to turn the TV down when we went to bed, but instead turned it up.

I am told by many that this is normal, but I am worried that my daughter is learning from this and to be honest I have nobody I can talk to about it and can't cope.

I found him a room in a shared house and offered to pay for six months rent, he told me to move into the room and since then has been even more rude to me.

What do I do, how do I handle this situation. Is there any chat forums with other parents with adult children living at home ?

If he is turning up the tv would you not turn it off? Take tv wires so it can't be watched. Catching your arm in the bedroom door then take the door off the hinges?? This is your home. He is an adult. If he can't live nicely in your home don't let him live nicely in your home. May sound mean but it sound like he is getting away with his behaviour.

It's time for his dad to take him on. Next time your son goes out, get the locks changed and take his things to his dad's. Send him a text saying what you've done and that you don't want to see him until he can behave himself. Tell him you'll call the police if he comes round.

Then stick to it.

I had a brother like that and I was that young girl, having to live like that. It's absolutely bloody horrible. The stress you are under must be immense. Think of yourself now - put yourself and your health (physical and mental) health first and tell him he has to go.

When you think about it, even if you don't see much of him for a year, that's not much in a life. Better to do that and have him come back without an attitude.

He might not be scared of you but he will be scared of the police, so don't hesitate to carry out that threat if you need to.

OP I was in the same position that you are. I'm a LP with 3 DC and the behaviour of the eldest was getting me very depressed and having an awful effect on all of us. In the end, I told him to leave. He refused and I called the police and told him they were on their way. He took a bag and left approx 10 mins before they turned up. They were very understanding, took all the details and tried to contact him by phone for the next 2/3 weeks to talk to him. He ignored their calls. After that, I felt much more in control, knowing that I could stand up to him and that there was support if necessary. He stayed at his gf's parents for several months and then came home. Although things are still rocky from time to time, it's never got that bad again.

Don't be afraid to ask the police to back you up. It's your home and you decide where to draw the line. (Btw there was never any question of prosecution, so he wouldn't have had a record.)

Good luck.

Omg this sounds v similar to what I'm going through with my nearly 17 yo son. I have no support network ( single mum ) his dad sounds the same as OP sons dad. And I don't want my young daughter seeing this anymore. Called 101 nearby two hours ago but as I have house viewing in 30 mins have asked them to call me back to arrange a meeting with my son'

PS if anyone wants me I'll be the one in the padded cell!

If this is hijacking the thread please let me know and I'll post my own

Well a week ago I sent him a letter as he would not communicate laying down my expectations:- Changing his general behaviour at home and paying his keep (finding a full time job) if he did not do this in four weeks his black bags full of stuff would be on the door step.

well my mum has told him she will have him and has told me tough S**t and I am in the wrong as all teenagers are like it !

However my son's general attitude has changed completely. He has said he will pay the keep I have requested but doesn't need a full time job to do this. Should I still kick him out if he doesn't get a full time job, what are peoples thoughts please ?

If he's listened and changed a lot of things then I'd give him the benefit of the doubt but make him aware that if he slips back then there will be no more chances.
If you do kick him out and your mum takes him then that's up to her to deal with, you have warned her!

Stick to your guns, and a very serious chat with your mum, she is undermining you and that is not on.