Worried about my 14yr old DD

[Lifeisshort123]

My DD is 14 and has ortherexia and traits of anorexia. She has recently been given a label. She is very sporty and into running but she hasn't been able to exercise in the past 3 weeks. She usually went running 3 days a week and did a gym session. She had a membership but I am now cancelling it due to her bad behaviour and refusal to eat junk food and aggressive behaviour. She used to be such a happy and healthy child, she was a size 8/10, 8/8.5 stone and always had a smile on her face. She's now very weak, constantly crying, mild self harming such as head banging and breaking her nails on purpose ect. I don't know what to do with her anymore, she's a tiny 6 stone 12 pounds, just under 5ft 4 and doesn't look like the little girl I used to have. She is isolating herself from friends and famliy, says she hates herself and me. She's wished me dead and threatened to run away. We've tried telling her people have it a lot worse than her and are constantly offering to take her places like shopping and the cinema but she won't have it. She had a massive meltdown when we asked her to have some pudding. I can't cope with her anymore, I don't know where she can go as she clearly hates our house so much and I am terrified she will run away from home as I've found her diary in her room which gave me some worries about her plans.
Anyone who has any ideas or support to offer or even someone who's been in the same sort of situation as I am in now would be valued.
Thank you!

Life I'm pleased she's being referred. Now, get yourself a notebook and note the date. Next Monday phone CAMS and make sure they gave the referral. Ask about waiting times - note you feel she needs to be seen faster, note the call in the notebook - ask who you are speaking to. They may say the urgency will be determined at a multidisciplinary meeting. Ask t hg e date, call the day after to check the status.

You really gave to note everything and follow it up with these people, note everything they say. Everything they say they will do has to be reiterated to them on writing "thank you for speaking to me today, so pleased you confirmed the following: Dd's case to be referred to multidisciplinary meeting on weds (enter date), look forward to hearing from you within a few days of that meeting. I'm concerned about my daughter and feel she needs support to stop her escalating further.

Cool calm and collected but everything noted and agreed and don't feel a false sense of security with them.

Similarly "who will carry out the assessment please? Ask for people's titles and whether they are agency. I know it's a pain but it will be invaluable and your DD is young enough fir you to be her absolute advocate.

Meanwhile, see you GP again and ask about any local charities that counsel. Get her on the waiting lists for them too. Relate are increasingly good with adolescents and may help with the cost.

Good luck to you and her op.

Would definitely second contacting B-Eat. They have various self help groups across the country and you don't need a referral. Some hospitals and GPs use them anyway but they are volunteer run.

I went to one a couple of years back when I was in the midst of the grip of anorexia - just went along as the help available on the NHS for adults was dire - and it undoubtedly saved my life. Everyone else there was your daughter's age or thereabouts. It was such a supportive atmosphere - but they didn't let you get away with any crap, and they knew what was going on in my head even when I was saying something different. I went 40 miles to my nearest group because there was nothing in my county but plenty in the neighbouring one - and it was well, well worth the effort. Do contact them.

You may need to watch her eat, as well, if you aren't already. Anorexia makes you lie to those you love most and turns you into the most cunning person imaginable. She will fight against it. Keep reminding yourself it's the disease and not her. Get her every bit of support you can and don't be fobbed off by professionals who try to minimise.

I find it quite hard to open up to people about her eating disorder as I feel like they my label me as a bad mother

Anyone can get an eating disorder. It is not your fault. Keep telling yourself that. I got one in my 40s and that was definitely not the fault of any of my family. Lots of the girls at my ED group came with their mums and they had wonderful, caring, concerned mothers who like you were feeling terrible, many of them at a complete loss how to help. There was also a carer's support group - I think you would find something like that very useful.

Oh goodness, of course it's not your fault!

I agree with OhTheRoses that your DD will likely benefit from you being a squeaky gate (you know, the one that gets the oil). Sadly services in many areas are SO overstretched that if you wait for the system to work it's slow and creaky way, weeks and months pass.

Be assertive, not aggressive.
Writing things down and following up with phone calls and in writing (snail or email) are all v good suggestions.

Have you had a chance to look at the B-EAT website?