Is it just mine?

[Sofiatheworst]

Firstly, she's not actually my daughter but I am her legal guardian and have parental rights etc.
Secondly I don't know anyone else with teenagers - all my friends have toddlers, so I need to reach out to others who are living with teens.
She feels she is so hard done to, that all the rules that apply to her (no phone at night, I should have her passcode and password to Fb etc) should also apply to me as the adult, I have explained that it's my job to keep her safe, rules are for a reason etc etc. In my opinion she has it very easy, the only rules at home are ones to keep her safe, but every now and then I second guess myself.

I guess I just needed a moan, my Saturday night plans of relaxing with the tv were ruined by a stroppy 13 year old who was telling me how crap I am.

Nope. It's not just yours.

Standard teenager. We have the same here.

At thirteen this is reasonable for you to do. They can be, ahem, little mares sometimes at this age so stock up on wine and perfect the art of keeping calm and firm.

Nope not just yours. And I remember being exactly the same. I'm hoping it gets easier.
In her better moods Dd reminds me she won't be a teenager forever.

Thank you. That was exactly what I needed to hear

DD is only 10 but i often have to remind her that we are not "equals" as she also thinks rules should apply to me also!

Yes, thats just it. She thinks we're equals I had a strict upbringing so this is all new to me - I wouldn't have dared speak to my parents like this. Although I wouldn't want that for her. Wine and chocolate to get me through the next 5 years I think!!

My 16yo DS think that because he is bigger than me now the rules no longer apply! I get a lot of 'well why should I?' Or 'it's not my job' when it comes to (the very limited number of) chores.

Definitely not just yours! All those little things are always a battle, with them trying to push for more personal freedom/later bedtimes etc. We just need to remember we are there to keep them safe, and sometimes that means being a bit like a police officer 🙂
They all say: "oh but I'm the ONLY one of my friends that isn't allowed to do x".
Stay strong, stay consistent, keep coming here for support and advice when you can't see the wood for the trees.
When she's badly behaved, forgive quickly and don't withhold love or affection. Teenagers need love as much as little ones, no matter how much they appear to push you away. Part of that love is keeping age appropriate boundaries.
They do improve.. My dd1 has turned into a fairly reasonable 17yr old she got worse first though!

ItCouldBeWorse "mistaking their family for a democracy in which they are an equal player"
Just wanted to say, what a great turn of phrase!

My cousin was really concerned about her teenage nephew, because he thought he was hard done by, was surly, always on the computer and stayed in his room etc etc, but strangely he is doing well at school. I had to explain that that was what all teenagers seem to be the like, and his mum wasn't concerned! He was quite normal, sadly.

She only sees my teens after I've nagged and bribed them to behave like adults when the relatives visit! I had to explain the few minutes she spends in their company aren't representative of their actual life.

Hmm, I don't mean that I'm sad he's normal!

Thank you for all your replies. I feel better having posted. I'm a very longtime lurker but have only posted a few times - but I will definitely turn here again in the future.

Normal I'm afraid.

Just be consistent. Teens like to push the boundaries, but they like it even less when they don't know what the boundaries are.

Entirely normal, and I bet a lot of her friends' parents behave exactly as you do, even though she will assure you that this is not the case!

Do you have any contact with friends' parents? If you do, it might go some way to reassuring you that you are entirely normal!

No contact really with friends parents, she's only been with me a year so I didn't get the standing in the playground meeting others stage! I'll just continue with being consistent and lots of deep breathing

Thanks again everyone

No its not just you. I wish I could run away for five years but I can't I have to parent her no matter what, but fuck me it's bloody hard going!