Pregnant teenage daughter HELP

[Normoyle1969]

my 17 year old daughter found out she was pregnant yesterday we are all still trying to get our head around it and she is undecided what to do her bf has said its either a baby or him!
I dont think she is strong enough emotionally to have a abortion and i dont want her to,my moto is if you think you are big enough to have sex then you are big enough to deal with the outcome.
Im trying to find out what help is out there for her emotionally and financially if someone can point me in the right direction that would be great

I've a friend who kept the baby on the persuasion of her parents.
She hates her child, social services are involved. There's no love, she goes through the motions of parenting that's it.
The affect on her child is catastrophic.
Support your daughter to make her decision. Whichever way that may be. She has to go through and live with it whichever way she chooses.

If you pressure her into doing what you want, rather than help her figure out what she wants, she will at some point in the future resent you for it. Keep that in mind when you're talking to her.

Having had an abortion and a baby I can safely say that for me having a baby required much more emotional strength than an abortion.

An early abortion for me was just like a painful period. I had it when I was 19. Given the chance again, I would make the same choice without a moments hesitation.

I am no way saying she needs to be punished for getting pregnant just because inwould never have a abortion dosnt mean indont think others should, i was 18 when i had my first child and it was very hard what i am trying to say is if her bf who is 21 and her being 17 are not fully understand asking precautions properly then they should both deal with the outcome wether it be keep the child or have a abortion.
Me and my husband are behind her 100% and will support her what ever she decides and she knows this we have a very good relationship with all our children she talked to me b4 going to the drs for the test thats how close we are. She isnt sure how far gone she is as ahe was on the mini pill with no breaks but had missed a pill and he knew she had missed her pill yet still didnt use a condom.

my moto is if you think you are big enough to have sex then you are big enough to deal with the outcome.

(One of) The outcome(s) of sex is pregnancy, that doesn't automatically mean a baby. She has options. Abortion is one of them and is perfectly valid.

Your motto is only relevant to you.

Please don't guilt her with your mottos, beliefs or opinions. The best thing you can do is NOT give an opinion. Be supportive. Take her to see people who will help her to make an informed choice. Don't FGS force her into having a baby at 17, simply because YOU can't face the alternative. Abortion might be the right choice for her. It also might not. But if she's old enough to have sex and deal with the consequences then she's old enough to make up her own mind whether to keep or terminate. IMO having a baby at 17 is a fuck of a lot harder than terminating, as her options will be severely curtailed in terms of education and work with a baby to care for. Please put aside your judgements and just support her.

I'm not sure about emotional support but there is a bit financial. She can claim income support from quite early on her pregnancy and there is also a start up payment she can claim for being a single mum without employment. All the info is on the directgov website. Hope it all works out xxx

Id imagine being a single mother and her boyfriend leaving her would be very scary I agree if she can't deal emotionally with an abortion then how will she deal with being a single mother? Id get her to phone a counselling line and try to get her to come to a decision without influencing her at all get her to speak to her gp too. She must be very scared hope she's got some good friends to support her x

I really hope you haven't told you that you "would never have an abortion", OP.

First, because you don't actually know for certain what you'd do unless you were actually pregnant and second, you are putting distance between you from the start, when you should be supporting her to make her own decisions. What you would do is entirely irrelevant.

• told her

Mottos are all very well but are you prepared to help raise this baby, and to support it financially? If you can't put your money where your mouth is, you should probably step back and let the GP/counselling services deal with her in an impartial way.

Please think also about the potential child and the future it has to look forward to. I've seen children brought up by parents unable/unready to appropriately care for them and the damage it can do and how difficult it is to heal that damage. The child is not merely the outcome of someone's failure to use contraception adequately and does not deserve to be brought into the world by less than eager parents

I think she needs to get a scan to find out how far along she is first of all.

And then you all sit down (you, her dad and dd) and ask her what she wants.

If she has goals for further education then while having a baby shouldn't stop that, it's going to make it extremely difficult without a lot of support, both physically and financially from you both.

She cannot claim any benefits for the baby until she is 18. And if you don't meet the threshhold for tax credits for your children then as she is living at home then it's unlikely she will qualify either as she will be deemed to have financial support (although not 100% sure, you will need to check that out). Child benefit could be paid to you or her.

Other than that, she's unlikely to get any financial support from the Government. She will have to look at going to college or work to support her and the baby and use childcare.

I think if you started a thread asking for honest opinions of life as a young single mum on here on your dd's behalf that could make her see that having a baby is not that easy.

Some young women cope very well, others need massive support.

Whatever decision she makes, it's good to know you are going to be there for her.

I have helped several friends through abortions when they didn't have the right support/ill health/etc and each and every time I have always said - it's braver to inflict this upon yourself than have to have a baby go through a struggle with you. I am very pro choice and I feel that it's always better to be in position where you are as prepared as you can be, this will affect the rest of her life, it doesn't mean she can't have kids in the future but yes she needs to chuck that toxic boyfriend (almost put bf but didn't considering that means something v different). Marie stopes or The other one people have suggested are both great. But she needs to know that regardless of her decision you've got her back.