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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

My 14yr old daughters weight loss and obbession with exercise.

54 replies

Lifeisshort123 · 17/08/2016 11:29

My 14yr old daughter has changed a lot in the past year.. She went for 8 and a half stone a size 10 to 7 stone a size 6/8 and kids clothes. I am very worried about her as she has lost a stone and a half in 12 months and now exercises 4 days a week which may not sound to much but she is so thin and has a body fat percentage of 10 percent which just seems not enough. She is very sporty but I fear that she is slipping into some sort of eating disorder or mental illness. She avoids inviting friends around for tea as she knows I'll make them eat pizza and popcorn ect. She gets very upset when she is made to eat a slice of cake or a packet of crisps which obviously isn't often but she gets very upset. Should I be seeking help or stopping her from exercising??

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Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 17/08/2016 12:53

I'm glad you agree with me, what should I be giving her to add on another 600-700 calories daily? I don't want to make her upset my adding these calories on with a couple cupcakes daily ect but at the same time I don't just want the extra calories coming from 7 bananas or something. Anybody got any 'healthy' but calorie dense snack ideas ect?
She is eating the same amount of calories as her 5yr old brother!
She thinks that he 'overeats' as he eats the same amount of calories as she does but for a 5yr old boy who is constantly playing football ect I don't think he is overeating. It's hard not to just tell her to eat more but I know this would make it worse. Thank you very much everyone for all the advice and suggestions ect.

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Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 17/08/2016 12:56

It's a good idea but I have used this before a couple months ago but it made her very interested in what calories where in even foods like different fruits, veg and even drinks. Thank you for the suggestion though {Smile}

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J0kersSmile · 17/08/2016 13:04

If she's veggie atm I'd get her nuts, peanut butter, avocados ect. Get her drinking coconut water as it's touted as a health drink so will appeal to her but has calories in. (takes a while to like that)

Has she got instagram? Maybe if she followed a few veggie pages that would get her interested.

I wonder if encouraging her to exercise would work instead of discouraging it. Fitness blender workouts for example tell you to eat carbs. If you can get her to want a strong body she'll have to eat to get that. If she could have a fitness goal instead of a weight goal that could help turn her off worrying about calories.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 17/08/2016 13:06

I think you are absolutely right to be very concerned and I'd urge you to contact Beat or a similar organisation immediately.

Fairylea · 17/08/2016 13:09

I think you are right to be concerned and agree you should contact Beat for advice.

I would also carefully monitor her social media, particularly Instagram if she uses it as it's awful for pro ana (promoting anorexia) accounts and images. If she is following an liking a lot of inappropriate accounts I would suspend her account.

Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 17/08/2016 13:09

I am planning to do so tomorrow morning :)
I'm going to try to not worry to much and hope they can offer some advice to help her.

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Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 17/08/2016 13:12

I was unaware of this but I will be asking to see her Instagram and I will be checking her laptop history it will upset her but you are so right. I have recently looked into these sort of accounts and the content on these sites is disgusting and shouldn't exist let alone allow under 18's onto the site. If she had it her way she would only eat fruit and veg though so I really hope she hasn't been these sort of sites.

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Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 17/08/2016 15:03

She has just been to her GP and been put on a 2500 calorie diet which she is not happy about but she is now 6 stone 8 pounds and has lost a shocking 6 pounds since 2 weeks ago when I last made her stand on the scales. If this doesn't work I'm going to have to get her admitted somewhere because she can't afford to lose any more weight..

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Thefitfatty · 17/08/2016 17:24

Good luck. :(

lljkk · 17/08/2016 18:05

Elite female athletes have body fat % from 14 percent to 20 percent.

You need to seek support fast from BEAT or similar -- support for you most of all.

Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 17/08/2016 19:45

Thank you :/

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Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 17/08/2016 19:46

Goodness she is way 'underfat' then.

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Iwontletyoudown · 17/08/2016 22:02

Please please seek further specialist help. I sadly have experience of eating disorders with my daughter, now 15. It started in much the same way as you are describing. If she does have an ED the earlier you can get help the better. Good luck.

Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 17/08/2016 22:19

I am calling the BEAT helpline in the morning and I have visited her GP I am so nervous she is going to not follow her diet plan and if she doesn't it could be fatal. I hope your daughter has recovered/is recovering. Who did you contact for support?

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galaxygirl45 · 17/08/2016 22:38

I went through an awful awful phase with my youngest when she was around 13 .... she literally wouldn't eat, and I got so stressed over it. It wasn't helped by family members making a big deal out of it with her either! What seemed to help was going to our GP who was amazing, and explained to her what damage she was doing to her growing body. We agreed on a list of things she liked and eating at certain times of day, and it took nearly a year but she went from around 6.5 stone to 8. She never has done the whole junk food thing thankfully but she will always eat a roast dinner or baked potato. She still has the odd blip when my radar picks up baggier trousers etc but we've never had the worryingly low weight again. She's 18 now and weighs around 8.5 stone at 5 ft 10 so she's still technically underweight. Girls are such fragile delicate things at that age, and it is just really important to get professional advice and keep talking to her. You have my heartfelt sympathy.

Iwontletyoudown · 17/08/2016 23:11

The GP referred my daughter to the general hospital for immediate assessment and obs; also the community eating disorders service for treatment and support which has been invaluable. We are still on the road to recovery.

Iwontletyoudown · 17/08/2016 23:18

To understand the 'fear of junk food' it may be helpful to google orthorexia. Every day is a learning process for me.

FruitCider · 18/08/2016 07:13

She has just been to her GP and been put on a 2500 calorie diet

If your gp genuinely thinks she has an eating disorder and has simply done this then the doctor is an idiot!

lbab1702 · 18/08/2016 07:17

I would be concerned to. My daughter, 16, started in a similar manner and has quickly slipped into very restrictive eating and has dropped from 67kg to 53kg in a matter of months ( she is 5ft 9' and so skinny now ). In the early days she became veggie, then quickly vegan, and probably eats little more than 700 calories per day, weighing everything and tracking everything on her phone. We are currently under CAHMS and have a good team looking after her. Good luck, it's horrible watching them shrinking in front of you.

christinarossetti · 18/08/2016 07:22

Is there another Gp who has experience of eating disorders and mental distress that she could see?

A diet sheet is absolutely pointless.

Adelie0404 · 18/08/2016 10:31

I have to watch my daughter who is nearly 13. She is very keen on running and tries to go 5 days a week, but it only 2-3 miles and usually with me. She has recognised that it makes her feel good and she sleeps better with exercise. She eats very healthily (better than me!) and I have no worries regarding her intake currently - she has a good appetite. Self imposed restrictions though - sticks to 2 "treats" a week. I do have my worries and I guess I just have to keep an eye. She's very slim, always has been, and just in early puberty

Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 18/08/2016 11:31

I'd keep an eye of her and make sure she knows she is allowed some extra treats. Hopefully it won't backfire though.

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Adelie0404 · 18/08/2016 14:39

Thanks. I am not trying to downplay your worries and am all too aware that for some girls that healthy eating and exercise they get in school etc can lead to obsession. It's good there is an emphasis to try and reverse childhood obesity and inactivity, but some will always take it to extreme. Girls are a worry!

FarAwayHills · 18/08/2016 20:28

I agree Adelie

It is such a delicate balance trying to encourage a healthy lifestyle while also making sure not they do not take it to the extreme, especially during teen years when girls are so body conscious.

I have seen parents who are really health conscious and obsess over the sugar, fat and calorie content in foods inadvertently pass this obsession on to their children. Not saying this is the case with the OP or anything, just something I've noticed among some of DDs friends.

I hope you get this resolved OPFlowers

SealSong · 18/08/2016 20:47

Hi OP, I am a CAMHS practitioner (child mental health)...I want to recommend strongly that you request your GP to refer your DD to CAMHS services as they are the community service for young people with suspected or actual eating disorders and would want to see your DD to do an assessment to see if she does indeed have an eating disorder or if she is in early stages of one (which I strongly suspect).....eating disorders cannot usually be managed by parents and GPs alone, you need CAMHS support. Please go back to your GP and request urgent referral and make sure the GP describes in the referral your DDs weight loss.
You would be unlikely to get an inpatient bed without CAMHS input (unless it became an urgent health issue via A&E)

In the mean time, see how she goes on with what the GP recommends re her food intake but be aware...people with eating disorders can be extremely secretive and sneaky about their eating particularly if they feel people are trying to get them to eat more than they want and can end up with a variety of behaviours such as pretending to eat more than they are .."I had a big lunch, I'm not hungry now"; pretending to eat their food but actually disposing of it..."I'll eat my dinner in my bedroom while I do my homework"; and other behaviours such as making themselves sick or taking laxatives. I'm not meaning to alarm you but do be watchful for any of these behaviours happening.