I'm failing as a mother

[Ednamoda]

I've had an almighty row with 14 year old ds. I'm ashamed to say I smacked across the side of his head. I just don't know how to communicate with him. I got so angry because he was screaming in my face with his fists and calling me names. I'm a lone mother, his father doesn't care about him. I don't know what to do anymore. He seems to hate me. He never helps me out, just sits in front of screens. I often just leave him to it for an easy life. I know I'm not strong. I don't want his life to go wrong because of me. Can anyone please help.

You are strong, and are not failing as a mother. You clearly care a lot. We all get pushed to the brink at times and your reaction is not unusual or a failure in any way. A son of that age can be violent and can be intimidating, especially as you're on your own. He has his own emotions that he's trying to cope with, and maybe the father has some fault in that side of things. I don't blame you at all for just leaving him to it. But I do think things have to change for you and it's up to you to achieve that - you're already on the right path whether you realise or not. I don't know what the exact situation is with his father but it seems like that could have a big impact on your son. I think the first step is to try and open communication, as that's the most important thing. Appear open and honest, and be genuine. Don't force communication as it seems stifled and will be rejected. Let it come from the heart, which I believe it will.

Thank you Linda. For being so kind. I know I need to make changes but I don't know how to do it. I've just sat down with him. I gave him a hug and apologised for the way I managed myself. Maybe I shouldn't have hugged him but he looked so sad and I feel so guilty. I tried to talk through how we can improve things but he's not in the mood for making changes right now. I'll leave him for now and try to reason with him later.

If that's failing God knows what I'm doing my DD is out drinking, smoking and generally acting like she's 18 , she hates me unless she wants money then hates me again when I say no as I know what it goes on. I haven't hit DD but have had to sit on my hand in order not to in the past as she badgers me following me round shrieking , I tend to grab dog and go for a long walk now always restores me back to calm. Obviously hitting him is very wrong but you know that anyhow, just do what I do and exit when things get like that they are generally to lazy to follow you outside!

User. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's so hard but I'm hopeful if we manage ourselves our children wiĺl come out the other side intact. I don't think I'm as controlled as you. You sound incredible. I'm inspired. I've had a nice night with my ds. He's apologised for his part and I guess all will be fine until next time. I hope you're having a nice night.

Thank you I can assure you I'm not its just easier to walk away and keep calm . Glad you have had a nice evening , we all make mistakes and learn from them !

Edna - hugs! Apologise to your son (it gives a good example) and try, try again. They push all your buttons and you'll make mistakes. Show your son that it's okay to say sorry and it's good to keep trying. It's a really hard time for any parent. My totally wonderful, chilled brother came to blows with my dad and had numerous terrible rows. They are really close now. One bad day does not a terrible mother make!