My eldest DD is extremely angry and this is mostly aimed at me. When she is angry, her hatred feels very real and is obviously upsetting me. I am not naive and acknowledge that teenagers get angry and often distance themselves from their parents. But it's just that it's only aimed at me. She is never angry with my parents, my husband (her stepdad and only dad of 14 years) and she gets frustrated by her sister but not like she is with me. She also never displays this behaviour in front of anyone else. So much so that family members didn't believe me until recently. Normally she is extremely mature, sensitive kind and quiet girl.
Today she got angry with me as I asked her not to use nail varnish on her carpet as its brand new. She completely flipped out and was really horrible. I was an angry teen and no one talked to me about my behaviour. So I am telling her that it's ok to be angry but you shouldn't hurt others, herself or damage property (she regularly does this) and that instead she should talk about what she is cross about. It normally takes at least a day for her to be normal with me again and then she won't ever talk about it again or apologise for upsetting me. My DH feels that we should just let it go, but I don't feel that is teaching her to be an young adult who is able to deal with difficult situations. At the moment situations such as this are happening more than once a week, so I feel like she is constantly angry with me. Today she said she is always angry with me, but that she just hides it better some days than others.
I want to repair our relationship but I can't Idaho won't talk to me. Any advice?