DS struggles to make friends

[krazipan]

I need advice, my DS is 13 and has recently moved schools due to being bullied. He has been there since the beginning of the summer term and he says he has one friend who he has socialised with a couple of times outside of school. However he also reports verbal bullying from others at his new school and it is getting difficult to get him to go to school without getting stressed. He has always find it hard to make friends and I'm getting anxious that despite moving to a new school he has exactly the same issues. The teachers report that he is a lovely boy but his peers don't seem to think the same! What can I do to help/support him?

Hopeful bump

This is speculation on my part but is he under confident ? If so that could be why he s being picked on.

It might be worth Asking him the exact details of the bullying, when you find the details of what's been said it might give a clue as to why it's happening.

will he join sports groups or scouts as the friendships he makes there could spill over into school

Thank you for replying! He probably is lacking in confidence deep down. He relates well to teachers and adults but not teenagers. He does play for a football team and has done for a number of years, but the other team players have never progressed to friends. He gets on well with them but they remain acquaintances rather than friends. I just feel so terrible for him, I really try to not show him my upset though.

He went out today and met up with some boys from school but came home and 39 mins as two other boys in the group that had previously teased him started chasing him and throwing water at him.

*after 30 minutes

You must be out of your mind Op and your poor soon, getting through these teanage years can be hell for some kids. Their hormones are all over the place and all they want is to be accepted and have a few allies. It's probably the case that he is mature for his age and just does not connect easily with the kids he is surrounded by. This alone comes with a set of problems because he is isolated and teenagers can be like wolves and smell vulnerability, they know exactly which buttons to press to get a reaction and some kids handle banter better than others, once any sign of weakness is displayed the doors are open. If he were my boy I'd be trying to increase his confidence and hopefully widen his social circle, drama is amazing for this, but I understand it's not everyone's cup of tea. My next thought is joining a martial arts class, his self worth will increase, he may make friends and he will learn self defence skills.Anything that widens his social circle means school friends are not the bee all and end all. He will find his way Op, it's such a tender age.

Thanks mumof. I have googled martial arts centres in my local area. I'll ask my ds and suggest it to him. I'm dreading the long holidays as he will be alone for most of them! (Well with me/his nan). Thanks for the replies/advice.

What did the boys who threw water at him say before they threw water ?

I really think you need to know the precise details, I'm not saying it's your sons fault but you need to know why it's happening

I'm not sure Northern. I do ask him to tell me the whole story. I think it all originated in a mutual disagreement back in year 7 and has just escalated from there.

Martial arts are great for confidence, so is rugby and weight lifting

Can you speak to his football coach and ask him what the cause is, the coach may be more forthcoming. If you speak to the coach make it clear you re open to an open non sugar coated answer.

Thinking about it if he does nt relate to boys his age, are there any older boys he can hang out with. Do any of your friends have older sons.

I had him young so most of my friends have babies/toddlers. It's a really good idea to speak with his football coach. They are on their summer break from training but it's the presentation evening in a couple of weeks so will chat with him then. Thanks northern