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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

13 year old daughter wants boyfriend

18 replies

Skooblies1 · 26/06/2016 20:18

Hi this is my first time on a forum of any kind so not sure what to expect. I am the mother of a 13 and a half year old girl. She has been messaging a same age boy from another school and meeting with others as friends. She now says they love each other and they want to go out as bf/gf. I come from a very strict background where this was forbidden when I was a child. I want to be more liberal with her but I'm concerned she is still too youn for a bf. What age do people think it is appropriate?

OP posts:
thisoldhouse1239 · 26/06/2016 20:20

They have never met? She is not too young for a boyfriend but she may be too immature if she is already saying she is in love.

Original poster
Skooblies1 · 26/06/2016 20:33

They have met in social situations with other friends. They have also been Facetiming and messaging. It all seems very innocent and she insists he is a good boy

OP posts:
janethegirl2 · 26/06/2016 20:34

Let them meet in public arenas ie coffee shops, shopping centres or at home with parental supervision being available. Forbidden fruit is always sweeter Grin

Original poster
Skooblies1 · 26/06/2016 20:43

I agree. I think my husband will take some convincing though. I honestly didn't envisage boyfriends till 16. Was delighted that she goes to a girls school. I think there is an element of disbelief that she is growing up. The other thing is because I never had male friends or boyfriends at that age I'm also asking if there are relationships that age that don't involve sex of some kind or can be innocent

OP posts:
thrillhouse · 26/06/2016 20:47

Of course girls and boys can be just friends. I had plenty of boys as friends when I was a teenager.

janethegirl2 · 26/06/2016 20:49

I was in a mixed school and to be fair I was not interested in most of the boys. I did get involved with one when I was in my mid teens who I did end up marrying. However most of my peer group were not too bothered. Once you've been in class with them, they tend to lose their attraction. However if your dd is in an all girls school, she may not be able to disregard the attraction so easily.

janethegirl2 · 26/06/2016 20:50

I was more interested in the ones I did beat at 'Risk' and other such games. But I was a bit of a nerd.

Original poster
Skooblies1 · 26/06/2016 20:51

Thank you all for your advice. I know it's not a serious problem it's just that I don't know how to proceed with it. Think I will have to convince my husband to invite him around

OP posts:
janethegirl2 · 26/06/2016 21:00

There is definitely safety at home but do remember if the kids want to, it's as possible at 2pm as at 10pm if they really want to get up to mischief.

Original poster
Skooblies1 · 26/06/2016 21:03

Oh god don't say that. She is my only child so this really is uncharted territory. I'm also aware if he does come over that I will probably interrogate him mi6 style

OP posts:
janethegirl2 · 26/06/2016 21:09

Don't worry too much but my DM did not think anything bad could happen in daylight hours. However you do need to ensure your dd keeps her bedroom door open at all times if it is an issue to you. She is 13 so it is probably premature to assume the worst.

At 13 I wanted to beat them in all activities and sexual activities were not on my horizon.

My dd was not interested in boys until well after 16 for anything sexual but was best friends with many and played happily with boys for many years after puberty with nothing untoward being involved.

TwentyOneGuns · 26/06/2016 21:12

My DD is just 14 and has had a couple of boyfriends which might sound bad but in reality it's all been pretty innocent, to my knowledge they haven't even kissed. They tend to go shopping or to the cinema or just 'hang out' more often than not with other friends, male and female.

In my experience at this age it's as much about being able to say you have a boy/girlfriend and changing your social media profile so everyone is aware of this! No doubt there are some kids that take it further but hopefully that's an exception.

Just stay open and relaxed with your DD, meet the boy if you can (offering lifts works well) and try not to worry - easier said than done I know! :)

Original poster
Skooblies1 · 26/06/2016 21:15

Thank you! Help me out here what are the acronyms as I'm new to this. Dd is daughter right?

OP posts:
janethegirl2 · 26/06/2016 22:00

Dd is dear daughter
DM is dear mum
Ds is dear son
Dh is dear husband
Dp is dear partner
Hth is hope that helps

Original poster
Skooblies1 · 26/06/2016 22:08

Ah all makes sense now! Thank you so much

OP posts:
Heyho111 · 26/06/2016 22:39

They have FB/gf at this age and it's all hand holding and the odd kiss. It sounds appropriate as they are the same age. It's all just practicing and understanding social situations which helps them when they head into more grown up relationships. She says she loves him but that prob means she fancies him. I wouldn't worry too much.

Original poster
Skooblies1 · 27/06/2016 06:40

Thank you. I feel a lot better about it now. Let's see if I'm back on here in a few weeks worrying about a new situation!!

OP posts:
JanetRomano · 27/06/2016 08:55

My youngest is 13 and they think they're in love too. The more you try to restrict them the more they will rebel. It's part of growing up and beginning to learn about relationships. Just keep the lines of communication open and let her know she can always come to you.

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