AIBU? 14 year old and job/chores

[Noodlesg]

My son is almost 15, during summer break this year my husband and I only have 1 week off during which we will going away with the kids.

My Son is a very academic, sensible boy, my husband feels he is still too young to be left in the house alone from 8am - 3pm for 4 weeks of the holiday. (hes away with us one week and has football camp another leaving 4 weeks)

My mum lives a couple of streets away and will be looking after my daughter.

I've persuaded my husband my son can be left with my mum coming round a few times during the day (which she is happy to do)

HOWEVER my son has never had a job (I worked from age 13) and i'm worried he turns into an entitled lazy teenager. One of my friends owns a stall in a local indoor market, its dingy and a bit rough. My friend has kindly offered to give my son a job @ £3.87 per hour 5 days a week 4 hrs a day. My husband doesn't want him to work there as there are "too many dodgy characters frequent there" and my son visibly turned his nose up at it (my friend thankfully wasn't there when we discussed it).

I'm furious!!! ive said if he doesn't do it I will be leaving quite a long list of chores for him to do while we are at work, a couple of hours worth (loading unloading dishwasher, cleaning floors, walking dog, doing any shopping etc) and I expect to be coming home to a clean and tidy house.

My husband thinks im being harsh, he thinks as my son is well behaved and not given us a moments worry we should let him "enjoy his holidays" I think he could get up and have all that done by 11 am and have the entire rest of the day to play games consoles/football/whatever.

I think he needs to be equipped for adult life and I don't think 14/15 is too young to start taking on a little more responsibility.

so.... am I being a bit harsh and unreasonable or is what I am asking for totally reasonable?

I absolutely agree that working part time is a good life experience even if they don't need the money.

Not at 14 /15 though.
I did it 40 years ago when I was 13 and I'm very grateful I can let mine hang on to childhood a little bit longer.
Both of mine got part time jobs after they had finished GCSEs and started A levels. Even then only a few hours a week so they have the balance of learning about work without it impacting on studies.
He's perfectly old enough to be home alone without anyone popping in to check on him.

I am with you totally OP.
If he is going to arse around at home all day give him a list of chores to do and offer him some additional work to earn a bit of extra money !

And the pocket money from the grandparents is too., too generous. What does he do with that ?

Another way to look at it. I come from a country where it was a big NO-NO for teenagers to work (unless parents in dire financial difficulty and no other way to have ANY pocket money. And even then you have to be at least 16yo to have a very simple part time job).
The emphasis was very clearly o9ut on studies. Study WA a given the whole priority. Learning to 'work' secondary.
We all managed to get a job, hold a job and have working life's just as successful than anyone in the UK who was told 'to get a job' in the UK.

The conclusion is, YES it's nice. YES actually if he wants to go to UNI, it will probably make a difference. YES he will learn something.
But does it mean that if he doesn't 'work' aged 14yo, his life is doomed. NOPE.

He just saved his pocket money from the grandparents and uses it to buy computer games, cinema trips with friends etc but saves at least 50% of it

I agree that a paper round in the summer holidays would be good if one was available - really good exercise.

Your DS sounds great. If he works hard at school it's fine to have four weeks of 'loafing' around - he's still growing and developing.

I know you've said "if available" rogue so at least you understand that they aren't universally available, but the number of times I see on here suggestions that kids "go get a paper round" drives me mad. Do any of these people even buy a newspaper anymore far less get one delivered?

My DS did a paper round for eight months when he was 15. Seven days a week for about a month - flaky friend didn't get organised to do his sunday round. In the summer holidays it was brilliant for getting him up - a couple of times he went to sleepovers - he stayed up the whole night then went to bed after the paper round. He enjoyed being fit and was very pleased with himself for having a job.

DS' son might get one to cover for an existing deliverer when they go on holiday.

Apart from the difficulty of getting one though - or any job normally for a 14YO - it was a nightmare in the winter - during storms it was a dilemma trying to decide if he would be safe - I took him round in the car a couple of times!!

I only usually get a newspaper if I've been shopping in Waitrose as it's free

Our council leisure centres usually do a deal in the summer holidays where you can do several different things - badminton, swimming, table-tennis over a day. It was much cheaper than paying for individual activities. Would your DS keep himself active with something like that?

My ds is 15 and is lucky enough to have a well paid job- but is up to him whether he works or not. We still give him pocket money- what he earns is extra.

If I were you, I would expect him to contribute a lot to the running of the house while he is at home- I would expect him to deal with pets, do basic housework and at least start cooking dinner. But I would leave it up to him whether he worked or not.

Newspaper circulations in paper form are really low nowadays, us modern folk just read on-line and the older generation who always got their paper delivered are obviously depleting. I have great memories of paper rounds when I was young. Just nothing like that round our way anymore.

My siblings and I used to have various jobs when we were young teens. Apart from the paper rounds, we used to go in early to sort the papers into the runs, we did the milk, the potatoes, the fizzy juice, working in the newsagent, running errands for the other shops, babysitting, cutting grass and hedges, collecting up rubbish and burning it (the best fun) to save neighbours trying to get it collected, helping local farmers with harvests, waiting on tables, washing dishes, peeling spuds - all sorts of stuff. My mum and dad didn't have money to give us so we just got jobs - passing them on to the next sibling as we moved on to other better paid work.

But. it isn't like that anymore and we can afford to give ours pocket money. They are good kids who do well in school and don't give us any bother whatsoever so I don't begrudge them their holidays, but I do like them to make a bit of effort and not to sit on screen all day every day. We have 8 weeks this year to fill.

My DD is 15, also a good kid, and has been working for me (home based business) on a very part time basis since she was 10 when I started it. She only does about 5 hours over 3 weeks, and I pay her £5 for it plus any stock she wants and any tips. If she does more hours then I'll give her a little extra.

She gets £2.50 a week pocket money (but tends to 'claim' it in chunks rather than accept it weekly), I put £10 a month on her phone (no more, but she claims a reward of extra credit every so often) and I always make sure she has £5 in cash on her person when she goes to school which gets her a school lunch if she hasn't taken a packed lunch, something from the shop if she's really hungry at home time, or pay for her bus fare if she's lost her bus pass again. If she's bought something from the shop like sweets then it gets knocked off whatever she is owed for pocketmoney.

I buy her toiletries, I buy her clothes, and I pick her up the occasional book or DVD from charity shops, or I'll pay for things while we're out.

In return she is supposed to keep her room clean and tidy, wash up daily, look after the dog (he's her pet) and help out with other chores around the house when asked. As she gets older she's getting more chores. Some weeks she'll do all the basic cleaning because I'm that busy with work or doing bigger jobs. She's recently taken on the ironing as she can watch TV while she does it. Everything I'm teaching her to do are life skills, I also try to teach her the jobs I do (like the weekly shopping, meal planning which I do sporadically, paying bills, shopping around for stuff etc) so that when she goes off to university she can take care of herself and help out her friends (maybe even being paid for it as well )

I only started leaving her home alone for a couple of hours last summer. I might leave her home alone a bit more this summer. I'm always wary as she tends to get a little too engrossed in things and as a result we've had a few almost fires when she's forgotten she's put something on to cook, left the electric hob on, or she's put the oven on but forgot to empty the baking trays out of it first, or left her hair straighteners switched on. Plus there's the fact the dog won't "ask" her to go out the toilet or for food or water then goes hyper when I get home wanting all of it immediately before I've even shut the front door.

Its all about balance. Yes they need to have a good work ethic, but they also need to still be children.

I had both a morning and evening paper round at 13 and a weekend morning job from the year after onwards. Then evening waitressing added on top towards age 15.
Your son needs to be acclimatised to the adult world and I think having a 'menial' (his outlook, not mine!) job is a rite of passage, in a way and absolutely should be encouraged. His friends will envy him when he has his own money to spend.
I'm pretty sure if you google a few successful people not many will have been mollycoddled and had their arses wiped by their mummies well into adulthood.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. My dd is 14 & although I'm keen she gets a lot of downtime over the holidays she has arranged 2 weeks of dance residential summer schools & a week of unpaid work experience over the summer.

My mum ran a corner shop & my dad was a WFH plumber & I was expected to help out in the family businesses over the holidays.

Do make sure your friend gets a licence to employ your ds though - they should find a form on the council website. They are allowed to work a max of 25 hours a week in school holidays up to 5 hours per day but not more than 2 hours on Sunday's.