DS (15) wants to take alcohol to a party - advice please

[LoveBeingAMum555]

Hi

DS is 15 and has never really shown any interest in drinking - so far. He has been invited to a party this weekend. The party is at the house of a nice family who have a quiet, well behaved daughter.

Everyone is taking alcohol to the party he says - and he can show me the facebook messages to prove it! I have said that I am not sending him off to this party with cans of cider/lager. He is only 15, I dont want to be responsible for him getting drunk at this party and if I do give him alcohol I dont know who else is going to end up drinking it.

But am I being too strict here? Would you be happy to let your 15 year old go to a party with alcohol? I am going to try and speak to another parent whose kids are going to this party but I need other opinions.

[meowli]

Hanging About Pointlessly is what you do when you get too old for Going Into Town

[cressetmama]

I probably fall into the slightly draconian camp, but we also live in the boondocks where the entertainment options available to under-18s are restricted. Having seen what can happen when a park becomes a teen hangout spot, I'd prefer to be cautiously indulgent and provide a few weak beers occasionally.

However, as most of my health knowledge is based on what is printed in The Times, and the majority seems to be gutted and filleted to frighten the readers, I take all health "journalism" with a large metaphorical pinch of salt. Statistics are a blunt instrument and can be manipulated. Many of the studies published are nothing more than a bid to accumulate academic credits, conducted by obscure institutions, funded by commercial interests with axes to grind. Low-fat foods are "healthier"? Don't let me get started!

[SeraOfeliaFalfurrias]

Here's a puzzler for me.Pretty much every woman I know followed all the rules to ensure a healthy pregnancy religiously, no soft cheese, no eggs, no alcohol, no caffeine, even though the chances of moderate amounts of those substances harming the baby are very small. Pretty much everyone decides it's not worth the risk, no matter how small, they want their baby to have the best chance to develop healthily.

But now they're 14/15/16 years old, and even though there's a research out there indicating that under age drinking might have a harmful effect on their child's health and development, sudden't everyone is all blasé and considers the risk small enough to not be worth bothering about. At what point do we stop caring about giving our growing children (and they certainly are still growing at 15) the absolute best possible chance to develop into healthy adults?

[cressetmama]

As a v elderly prim, I declare that I did not give up soft cheese, or eggs, or caffeine, and I even had a glass of champagne at Christmas during pregnancy! A great deal of medical "advice" is based on the fear of litigation. DS was a good sized baby, full term, and delivered without any of the medical interventions the consultant obstetrician declared almost inevitable.

[80Kgirl]

That us a really useful link, meowli. Than you.

I am with you Sera, I feel the same. But I realise that my children have more influences than me, plus their own personalities. I can't stop them from a lot of things but I will try to make them feel that it is okay to take tge

[80Kgirl]

...to take their time.

[motherinferior]

I didn't even know you were supposed not to drink coffee in pregnancy. And I had quite a few glasses of wine. I am not particularly proud of the latter, but I really can't regret the espressos.

[BobbieMarie]

I'd ring the parents. But then if they say they know about the alcohol id say their irresponsible letting a load of 15 year olds drink. I know it's better in the house under watch but I would never be the parent to organize something like that & I wouldn't let my child drink at a party at 15 personally.
If your ok with him drinking ask the parents if they know about it.

[meowli]

It's not that we stop caring, Sera. I doubt whether anyone on this thread actively encourages their teenagers to drink. Of course you do all you can to keep them as safe as possible for as long as possible, but the thing of it is, if you are bringing your children up to be independent individuals who can think for themselves, and make their own decisions, by the time they are 15, that's exactly what they will be doing. It would feel wrong if they weren't.

Teenagers are like a force of nature. It's really very hard to contain them, even if you thought that was desirable! Babies they're not.

[MummyTheGregor]

Not rtwt but I wouldn't bank on the parents expecting or having a plan for alcohol being taken by the teenagers going, my friends step-daughter had a 15th party at their house and her DH was completely blindsinded by drunk teenager despite us insisting that not all teenagers are as innocent as he (wrongly) assumes that his dd was - he as so misguided - and then proceeded to be hugely spineless and let them run riot as opposed managing the situation for fear of embarrassing his dd - my friend called me and my husband to go and help out in the end...... anyway just an example of how out of touch some parents can be.

[AngieBolen]

I thought this is why Shandy Bass was invented.

I would be phoning the party parents and asking what their thought were. If they said "Yeah, fine let your DS bring a bottle of vodka, we'll provide the coke." My DS wouldn't be going to the party.

[titchy]

No one stops caring sera, but you and only you could decide to avoid certain foods in pregnancy.

When you're the parent of a teen, there is no longer just you making the decision - they are too. Which is exactly how it should be given that the teen years are for developing independence.

[teenagetantrums]

my sons 15th, most of his friends were 16, I phoned every parent and asked if they minded alcohol, I think i bought I can off beer/cider for each person, they were all drinking anyway, it was fine, he is now 22 and is a very responsible drinker

[JustDanceAddict]

I would allow, but have a conversation about drinking safely saying you'd rather he didn't. My mum bought alcohol for me to take to a party when I was 16, but some of the kids were 15.

[Liska]

Not sure who said upthread that they wouldn't allow their ten to have spirits but they'd let them take Smirnoff ice but feel someone should point out that Smirnoff ice is spirits: it's a pre blended vodka and mixer. OP, I'm interested in whether you spoke to the parents, and what they said.

[Liska]

Teen not ten obvs

[EllenJanethickerknickers]

At 16 I had a boyfriend with a car and had no trouble getting vodka at the pub. I looked my age but nobody asked for ID in the early 80s. Before then I would maybe have a Cinzano and lemonade (classy) if on holiday with my parents. Parties were few and far between but generally involved a 2 litre bottle of woodpecker cider shared between 4 or 5.

My DS1 was allowed a few cans of cider or lager at to take to a party at 15 or 16. He's now 18 and still drinks cider if he goes out. I think that's reasonable. His dad wouldn't agree but he can be very controlling, still expecting a bed time at 17 etc.

[Petal40]

Dh and I are TT .so nothing to pinch from home...we've not had this problem....my kids are hitting 18 and over now,and just aren't interested ...total opposite of me at the same age....it's just not been an issue.and they really ain't goody two shoes either.....but my point I was coming to ....a friend of mine did give her son two bottles of cheep larger at a party ..the homeowners provided booze too. He got paralytic ,ambulance ,police,party ruined.and worst of all photos of him ,not good ones all over Facebook....then the bullying started at school........

[PaulDacresMicroPenis]

Where's the op gone?
off typing this up for tomorrow's Mail?

[chelseabuns2013]

My two pennies worth: Parents in the house when drinking goes on, boy what a party! Come on parents leave for the night and return when house is suitably trashed, clean up the puke, chuck all the kids out in the night , bollock your daughter. You're parents ffs. The result, parents get a meal out and kids get a party that goes down in history. Getting trashed whilst supervised sucks. if you've not got drunk on some old martini or cherry brandy from the back of a friends parents drinks cabinet, smoked a cigar like a fag and puked on an expensive rug your adolescents is lacking.

[wiltingfast]

1. I am amazed said teenager is apparently looking for permission!!!!
   

On that ground alone, he is clearly a v sensible lad who needs to be allowed his head a bit

1. I have no other pts...

[MrsJayy]

What's weak beer ?

[PrimalLass]

I was a wild-ish, underage drinking and sexing teen. It happens. I probably won't be happy when it's my teens, but that's life.

[titchy]

Something like Becks lite - less than. 3%

[PrimalLass]

if 16-year-olds could legally buy wine/beer/cider (but not spirits) and could drink it in a pub, they would be less likely to get paralytic in the park. It seems plausible, although I agree with bolo that obtaining reliable statistics about this sort of thing is extremely difficult.

I completely agree with this. We used to sneak into the pub at 15/16 because it was bloody cold out (east coast Scotland). We'd nurse one or two drinks all night rather than face getting turned down at the bar.