help with 18 yr old ds

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sorry this is long. first time on here. have ds 18 who has come home last night and 'floored' us by telling us that he is going to natural fathers for a few days. then went on to tell us how he hates where we live (in village), hates his job, hates his hobby of skateboarding, doesnt have any issues with family at home...thankfully! from our side only have usual teenage crap...hygiene, bedroom mess etc. ds has just spit with gf who was sister of best mate. the relationship was secrete for a while cause the 2 sisters dont get on. now relationship out in the open, he has lost gf and bm. wwe agreed he should go and 'clear his head' as we can see it is all triggered by split with gf. can anyone suggest how to deal with all this when he comes home. he is a sensitve lad who falls in love sooo easily and is heartbroken. i am devastated that he feels the way he does and as any mum would i want to help him. i know he is 18 but he is and always has been about a yr behind his actual age.thanks in advance.

bump

You must really hurt for him. My dd is going out with ds's friend, and I'm dreading the repercussions when it falls apart - but they are several years younger.

A break might do him good, and he knows that you love him to bits.

sry wot is bump?

it seems the rules change when they reach 'adulthood' now i dont know when i am supposed to give input into his affairs.dh often seems to think i shold leave alone and let him ask if he needs to.thanks for the reply's ...keep them coming tho!

do you have a good relationship with his birth father ? is he close by ? your poor son sounds like hes going through the mill a bit ,maybe time out will do him good ,its hard for you in the thick of it though ,good luck

no birthfather not close by, not good father, has been on off absent unwilling parent for all ds life. not sure why ds still holds him up on pedlestall even though he told ds that he didnt want to see him anymore at the ripe old age of 11...nice eh?...not. anyway ds made contact about 2rs ago...curiosity/need i guess but i felt that all i could do was support his choices and mine had to be put aside. very vertuous i know

Just put 'bump' to keep the thread in active conversations... that's all.

ok thanks...hope to get more replies...hes home agin tomorrow and not sure whats going to happen...

take it as it comes and take your lead from him - you can't live his life for him (wouldn't it be SOOOO much easier if we could?) and life's going to be full of knocks. I HATE watching my kids be unhappy! but all you can do is be supportive and loving. Personally, i think it's important for parents to apply a bit of perspective (I'm not saying I always manage this). 'This will pass, plenty more fish in the sea, how about putting some effort into finding a different job if he hates this one etc etc.' Oh dear, I am sure my mum said this to me too...

sympathy!

thank you so much...was feeling quite alone yesterday...not so much now..spoke to ds last night over a take away (to soften things up)he didnt want to talk about the gf bit but still maintains he hates his job, where we live and his hobby.he said he would be looking for another job or maybe a new carer wanted us to move to a city as a family but we said not possible both financially nor wanting to...we moved to get out of a city 8yrs ago.his natural father said he could pull a few strings so he could go and learn on the job with him and live with him...tried soooo hard not to be too critical.just said stuff about qualifications are better as they are transferable more than that route.was a bit cross with dh as it felt like all conversation kept coming back to ds moving out...kinda worried that dh would prefer it if ds moved out...cant bring myself to ask as things stressed enough...he will just deny it anyway...not sure how things are going to pan out but will just have to wait and see...