Hi all, I would be very grateful for some guidance regarding my 17 year old stepdaughter, who lives with us. Brief background - her mum is alcoholic, SD came to us at 12 and has had various issues such as self-harm and problems with mood. Since she came to us we've had help in place for her, such as school counsellor, alcohol support workers, hidden harm workers, LIFT counsellors and more recently CAMHS. She is currently on Fluoxetine under the care of CAMHS as since the beginning of this year, she told us she couldn't cope with any of her emotions and cannot cope with being inside the house. So, I know she has issues, and we have been dealing with them for 5 years.
Before the beginning of this year (she was 17 in January), things were okay. She was happy and bright, doing well at school etc. Then it all changed. I should add she got a new bf just before Xmas. For the last 5 months she is rude, argumentative and hell to live with. She says she "has" to be out all the time, if she's at home for more than a couple of hours she says she's "trapped". She will come home from seeing her bf at say 10, and then wants to go out again!! She says that the only way she feels even remotely happy is when she's out with either her bf or a particular friend. If we want her to be at home to eat or bathe, she kicks off. She says she only eats or bathes to please us. Yesterday I got home from a long day at work to find the kitchen in a mess, so I text her and asked why she couldn't clean up her mess. She had a right go at me saying her mood was bad so she could only just cope with having a bath and eating, which she had only done to please me and her dad, and then she had to "get out" (she's at college 3 days a week). She is constantly saying "I have mental health issues so don't lay anything negative on me", and anything negative could be asking her to bring the plates down from her room!!
Last weekend we had a massive row, which culminated in me slapping her across the cheek because she was screaming and swearing in my face and would not move out of my way so I could leave the house. I don't regret doing it - I have never, ever slapped anyone in my entire life, but she has pushed me beyond any limits I knew I had. I cannot cope with her.
Sometimes I think she plays the "mental health" card for convenience. She seems to say it to suit, as an excuse for wanting to go out at 11pm and coming home at 1am, as an excuse for not bathing, cleaning her room, being home for dinner, visiting family etc. The only thing she wants to do is be with her bf, and anything outside of that she says makes her in a bad mood and she can't cope with bad moods! I'm just wondering how much of this current behaviour is down to being 17, and how much is down to her mental health. I am in no way playing down her MH issues - I accept them and have been extremely supportive and in actual fact have done all of the referring, attending appointments etc. I have known her since she was 2 and have done more for her than my own 2 children (now 27 and 23), but according to her I've done nothing to help her, which hurts me a great deal.
Thoughts? Opinions? Advice? All gratefully received. Thank you.