Should I talk to the boyfriend's mother?

[LifeIsGoodish]

13yo dd has just got together with her first boyfriend, also 13yo. They have known each other for years, and I have met his mother, but I don't really know them. They seem nice people.

He has either HFA or ASD (and I suspect dd may also have ASD) and I just want to look after them both, make sure everything is OK for them.

Should I talk with his mother, get to know the family a bit more?

Bump

No, they are 13. It will barely last months let alone weeks. You probably have many more boyfriends ahead of you to meet. Dont waste energy or emotions getting to know all their families until the engagement is announced.

Or weeks, let alone months even.

Surely, with a couple of potentially rigid thinkers, that makes it all the more likely that they will be hurt?

What does that have to do with you meeting his family? if (when) they split they will both hurt. You having had coffee with his mum wont lessen that for either of them. Its not like primary school where parents arrange playdates and become mates. You need to loosen the apron strings a bit.

What would you hope to achieve?

I think you should talk to your dd about the responsibility of being in a relationship. Then leave it.

It's heartbreaking for parents if (when) things go wrong, but you can't make them go out with each other forever. Sooner or later one will get hurt.

I don't know...

It's bittersweet, seeing dd's delight and knowing that pain is going to follow, sooner or later.

I know, but that will happen whether you and his mum are best friends or strangers. You really cant prevent the heartache by becoming her friend. In fact it could make things more difficult for your DD if she decides to end things but feels she cant as his family are now involved in your lives!

You should encourage your DD to encourage him to tell his folks.
I guess if they are rigid thinkers then you need to teach your own DC to "fake it until she makes it" and that means pretend like she can be flexible in her thinking.